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  • How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

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    Old 05-14-2013, 03:00 PM   #1
    Janwyn
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    How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Now this question is directed to mainly males but Im sure females will want in on it too so feel free.

    Here is the question, How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    So heres the deal, I feel there is 3 categories of guys in this situation; the first guy is the guy who honestly doesn't look at other women(kudos to you guys), the second guy is the guy who does look at other women and is willing to go further than a look(cheating), the third guy (pay attention because this is me) is the guy who will look but is committed to his women and her alone.

    Iv read forums about this and its mainly girls telling other girls to dump him and get herself a real man. Then there is one or 2 guys who will explain they're side in the most perfect words like a poem, but the next comment under them is, yup you guessed it, an angry chick who seemed to not even had read the post.

    But back to my situation. I love my girlfriend and I wouldn't want to lose her for any of the girls I see when we go out. But that doesn't mean I'v suddenly lost my natural male ego. When I do look at another women its more like a magnet pulling my eyes towards them, I can't help it. And to be honest, thats what women are going for, they want people to notice and thats exactly what they get.
    I mean try to imagine if the roles were reversed, if the men were the ones who spent hours putting on makeup to make themselves beautiful and the women were the ones who go throughout they're day looking as if they just got out of bed. Guys probably wouldn't have this problem because there wouldn't be so many girls MEANING to turn heads. I mean come on theres breasts in advertisements, in magazines, in television, here a breast, there a breast, everywhere a breast breast. Heck you can understand the fixation.(kudos to who knows where I got that) I really wish I was the first guy in the categories of guys I mentioned above, I really do but Im not, and I want to except that and I need my girlfriend to except it too.

    I can understand the women who have had problems with cheaters in the past (category guy number 2), and thats where this subject get sticky. But Im not like that, I would never cheat, I have many morals I follow in my life and that is one of them. Plus I don't think my girlfriend has ever been cheated on in the past. I do know where she gets her insecurity from though, she was more heavy set when she was younger and has recently drop all that weight and looks damn sexy now. But of course she still feels unattractive. But not all the time, I catch her all the time popping her *** out and checkin it out in the mirror, mmm. But she is still stuck in an insecure state of mind and I don't know what to do or what to tell her.

    Now lets say Im alone away from my girlfriend or with a guy friend. Now these times a cherish because now I don't have to feel guilty about it. Some girls will say "If he looks at other girls in front of you what do you think he will do when he's alone?". Ill tell you what I will do when Im alone. I will look, I will look just the same I would look if I was with my girlfriend. Would I flirt? No. No I wouldn't. I have no game when Im single what makes you think I have game now? Would I want to be alone with one of these girls? No. No I wouldn't. I would probably feel so guilty Id puke on her lap anyway.
    Because like I said before I have morals and cheating is one of them. But I don't believe talking to an attractive girl alone is cheating unless there is sexual or emotional intensions. So does this mean I can never in the rest of my life make friends with an attractive woman just because she's attractive and my girlfriend cant except me for who I am? Can we never go have fun at a beach because its full of beautiful women? There is going to be attractive women everywhere in the world, there has to be a point in a relationship where this stops so us guys can go about our day without the feeling of guilt.

    Because like I said, I WILL NOT CHEAT ON YOU! YOU REALLY NEED TO BELIEVE THAT!
    I cannot change the fact that I am a human, male. I really cant. I am a human, male who has a beautiful girlfriend that I love very much. And Im sorry Im the category of guys you don't like. But if I wasn't then I wouldn't be the same guy you fell in love with. Trust me Bubi, (our cute lil nickname) if I saw you on the streets Id be checking you out too, I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you, How do you think we got together anyway? You think I never gave you a gaze? And now that Iv given my heart to you, you are the only one I will ever pursue. You are the only one I want to love. And I am tired of the guilt. I want to feel free. And I need your help.

    Like a said this question was aimed for guys in a similar situation but anyone is welcome. I think Im ready for the bitchy women but please remember Im not a bad guy, I am just a guy.

    Last edited by mod85; 05-14-2013 at 05:09 PM.

     
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    Old 05-14-2013, 06:21 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Forget all about the looking at women thing and concentrate on knowing that you are indulging in a behaviour that upsets your girlfriend, goes straight to her self esteem issues, and you expect her to like it. Sensitive much. I get the whole looking thing, but surely you can control yourself out of feeling for this lady you profess to love. Surely her feelings come a bit higher in your priorities than having to check out every attractive woman you see. Sera

     
    Old 05-14-2013, 06:47 PM   #3
    Janwyn
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Think about this, cause Iv kinda mentioned this to her before. Us guys catching a glimpse of any girl (she doesn't even have to be attractive) out of the corner of our eye is sort of like a dog that caught a squirrel out of the corner of they're eye. Just like I said above, just like a magnet. I feel like a dog when she catches me looking at a girl. The girl will pass just like that squirrel and we will both get over it. I cant explain why, its in our nature.

     
    Old 05-14-2013, 07:06 PM   #4
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    I think the bottom line is that if you know that something that you are doing in front of her is upsetting her and hurting her feelings, no matter what that thing is that you are doing, you need to stop doing it. Or quit making it so obvious at least. Why can't you just find a way to control yourself when you're with her? Is that really so hard to do? It's extremely difficult for a woman who already has low self esteem due to society's unrealistic expectations of what a beautiful woman is supposed to look like. But when that same woman is in a relationship with a man who refuses to take her feelings into account, that makes her feel worse.

    If you want to ogle other women when you're out in public then go ahead. But do it when you're alone or with your friends. Don't do it when you're with her. Is that really so difficult of a compromise in order to save a relationship that you claim is important to you? If I was dating someone and they told me that when I do a certain something and it makes them feel bad about themselves, I would not do that thing in front of them anymore. I just wouldn't because if I really care about a guy and the relationship is important to me then I don't ignore when they tell me that I'm upsetting them with something. It doesn't matter what that something is, I would compromise and put my relationship and the feelings of my partner above my need to do whatever that thing is that is upsetting them. Do you understand?

     
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    Old 05-14-2013, 09:37 PM   #5
    Janwyn
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    I do understand. But you cant expect an untrained dog to not notice a squirrel. I do need help Iv admitted this. Maybe my question should be how can I stop my behavior.

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 01:30 AM   #6
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    I don't believe in the "guys have to look" crap. No they don't. An attractive woman walks by? Just don't look up or turn your head, last time I checked men do have full control of their bodies.

     
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    Old 05-15-2013, 05:06 AM   #7
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Janwyn View Post
    I do understand. But you cant expect an untrained dog to not notice a squirrel. I do need help Iv admitted this. Maybe my question should be how can I stop my behavior.
    I agree: that should be the main question. Well, it is mostly up to you. You have to train yourself not to look when your girlfriend is around. You will have to find a way. Counting up to ten? Breathing deeply? Focussing on your task at hand? whatever. You will not succeed on your first attempt, but you must not give up. Keep trying. Be strong. Tell yourself that looking is not really so important. It is just another girl. Actually looking at every attractive girl that passes by can make you look a bit cheap, if you see what I mean. So please build your self-worth in the first place.

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 07:40 AM   #8
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Janwyn View Post
    I do understand. But you cant expect an untrained dog to not notice a squirrel. I do need help Iv admitted this. Maybe my question should be how can I stop my behavior.
    you are comparing yourself to an untrained dog......can you understand a little bit why your girlfriend is upset? An untrained dog doesn't stop when they notice the squirrel......they chase it and they try to catch it. Untrained dogs also like to hump anything and everything.....Likening yourself to an untrained dog doesn't help your case, dude.....

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 07:47 AM   #9
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    I'm curious as to what is going through your mind when you look at other women? What do you notice first? Their hair, make up, body, breasts? Because what you find attractive is what is making your head turn. What's truly attractive to one male may not be attractive to another.

    I'll say my husband's head turns more often when he sees something unattractive. He needs to double take just to be sure his eyes weren't lying.

    But to answer your question, men are visual creatures. That's why you are noticing these women. In any case, it doesn't make it right if your girlfriend is bothered by it.
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    Old 05-15-2013, 06:09 PM   #10
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    First off Id like to thank all you ladies for your replies.
    Second, I never said anything about ""have to look" crap", I just do, Iv already said I don't know why I do, I just do.
    Third, I think comparing us to a dog is completely relevant, all though we are human, we are still dumb little creatures put on this earth for who knows why.

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 06:28 PM   #11
    Janwyn
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
    I agree: that should be the main question. Well, it is mostly up to you. You have to train yourself not to look when your girlfriend is around. You will have to find a way. Counting up to ten? Breathing deeply? Focussing on your task at hand? whatever. You will not succeed on your first attempt, but you must not give up. Keep trying. Be strong. Tell yourself that looking is not really so important. It is just another girl. Actually looking at every attractive girl that passes by can make you look a bit cheap, if you see what I mean. So please build your self-worth in the first place.
    I do realize this, so yes I would really rather stop my behavior than tell her to deal with it. Because to be honest its not easy for me either.

    The situation really sucks when Im not intentionally trying to look at a women but there is something in her direction that caught my eye so I give it a double take, (this happens no lie) but my girlfriend gives me the stink eye because she thinks Im looking at the woman. It sucks cause when an attractive female walks in the room I have to keep her direction out of my line of site. I feel like a dog (yes rosequartz I said a dog) being trained to look the other direction when masters food comes out, being flicked in the nose when I turn my head in that direction.

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 06:34 PM   #12
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Janwyn View Post
    First off Id like to thank all you ladies for your replies.
    Second, I never said anything about ""have to look" crap", I just do, Iv already said I don't know why I do, I just do.
    Third, I think comparing us to a dog is completely relevant, all though we are human, we are still dumb little creatures put on this earth for who knows why.
    Are you saying that you choose to look, rather than being compelled? That is a big argument against comparing humans to the lower orders of animals...we have FREE WILL. We can choose not to hurt the feelings of our loved ones.
    I think that you will grow out of this behaviour, it is the behaviour of young immature males. (And some not so young). Among slightly older men, it is the oglers who are the exception. In the meantime, try not to hurt the feelings of the one you say you love. Sera

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 07:53 PM   #13
    Janwyn
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Animals have free will to by the way but about the other subject.
    No I didn't say anything about "choosing", haven't you been reading?
    Compelled is the perfect word though, I am compelled to look, how did you get that confused? Compelled, yes, I feel I am forced to attraction. Look up the word attraction; The electric or magnetic force that acts between oppositely charged bodies, tending to draw them together.

    I didn't write the dictionary, I don't know why this happens to me. I don't know why I was put on this earth. I DO NOT KNOW what is happening, I am not "choosing" anything.

    I am though choosing to look, search, and ask for help.
    I think everyone can appreciate that.

    Last edited by Janwyn; 05-15-2013 at 07:58 PM.

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 08:11 PM   #14
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    But I do appreciate your reply Sera.
    I only get heated with this subject because I cant explain it. I know one day Ill be able to ignore it.

    To be honest I do have a bit of a porn problem. Its really not a big problem I probably watch it just about as much as any guy my age, but I do think it has a connection with my situation. And yes my girlfriend knows I look at porn and is fine with it, but I think looking at porn is making me notice these attractive girls more often. And I would love to quit both so I can focus on her alone. I just need to be strong.

     
    Old 05-15-2013, 08:46 PM   #15
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    Re: How can I explain to my girlfriend the reason I look at other women?

    Buy yourself some dark sunglasses so she cant see you looking! Where them every time you go out. Make sure when you look you don't turn your neck!!

     
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