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05-18-2013, 03:14 AM
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#1 | | Newbie (male)
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2
| confused for marriage
Hi all,
i m 31,
you are going to read very confused text below so b prepared.. but situation is like that... so bare with me... and help...
my question is why i m not enjoying my own marriage... everyone around is very very happy expect me...
right now i m too confused about the situation.. i m getting married in 10 days and i m engaged 2 weeks back...
first of all i have skin decease of vertigo... so i get very few proposals for marriage .. so i chose this proposal and she also have same white patch on her face like me.. she is too thin not very good looking also.. but very active, confident, socially good, mixes with my family well... she also loves me lot .. she is on cloud 9 ...
but some how i don't feel attracted to her .. may b coz of looks... as i m scared i may feel i wil avoid her to take her out as she is not good looking ... (sorry to say this, this is sick thinking, but it comes in mind..)
she is not my dream girl, we don't have similarities ... i always gets feelings of breaking up.. but then i think of that poor girl ... till date i never expressed my negative feelings with her as she loves me lot... and i said many times love u to her replies as she should not get hurt..
i m so confused since when i got engaged i m unable to eat properly, i m totally disoriented, i m too confused, i think always for others.. so now a days i m so scared that if something goes wrong.. i can break heart of all people... so i can't talk to anyone as i don't have close friends... and i can't discuss this issue as i m already committed... it can break my image...
i guess i m not ready for marriage.. what should i do.. whom should i talk, whom should i consult, any mediation...
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05-19-2013, 05:02 AM
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#2 | | Senior Veteran (male)
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,933
| Re: confused for marriage
I think you meant to say vitiligo rather than vertigo.
My friend, this is, admittedly, a very tough and confused situation you are in. I may be wrong, but I'm afraid it is too late to turn back now. Go ahead and marry her. Breaking up at this point may bring more harm than an unsuccessful marriage. And who knows if marrying her won't be so bad? Physical beauty has a value, and I'm not going to deny it, but the qualities of the heart, albeit invisible, are a lot more important in the end. If your marriage really proves to be a very bad one, then I guess both of you will want a divorce. It may be stupid or cynical to marry someone thinking of a possible divorce down the road, but that's what most people do these days anyway.
Just one caveat: avoid children in the first three years, because in the event of a divorce children are often the ones to suffer the most.
Last edited by pendulum; 05-19-2013 at 05:03 AM.
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05-19-2013, 07:12 AM
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#3 | | Senior Veteran (male)
Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: las vegas nevada USA
Posts: 1,727
| Re: confused for marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by pendulum  I think you meant to say vitiligo rather than vertigo.
My friend, this is, admittedly, a very tough and confused situation you are in. I may be wrong, but I'm afraid it is too late to turn back now. Go ahead and marry her. Breaking up at this point may bring more harm than an unsuccessful marriage. And who knows if marrying her won't be so bad? Physical beauty has a value, and I'm not going to deny it, but the qualities of the heart, albeit invisible, are a lot more important in the end. If your marriage really proves to be a very bad one, then I guess both of you will want a divorce. It may be stupid or cynical to marry someone thinking of a possible divorce down the road, but that's what most people do these days anyway.
Just one caveat: avoid children in the first three years, because in the event of a divorce children are often the ones to suffer the most. | Pendulum gave you a very wise answer, I totally agree. By the way, what country do you live in that women propose to men?......India?
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05-22-2013, 09:14 AM
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#4 | | Senior Veteran (female)
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 11,286
| Re: confused for marriage
you say she's not your dream girl.....do you think you are her dream man?
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06-12-2013, 10:17 PM
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#5 | | Newbie (male)
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2
| Re: confused for marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz you say she's not your dream girl.....do you think you are her dream man? | yes ... i m her dream man.... and i can't dream anything for her... and i m already married to her... and now i m getting hard time to gel with her...
i m loosing all my interests... wht to do ..
she is nice girl so just to make her happy.. and she shouldn't know about my feelings i have started living against my will ... future looks tough...
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06-13-2013, 06:11 AM
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#6 | | Member (female)
Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 60
| Re: confused for marriage
I actually dont agree with the above people. I dont think that you should enter into marriage thinking that you can always get divorced. You have to make a lifelong committment - even if society says you can change your mind 2 months in. I also have vitiligo and have been dealing with dating and its super hard! I have had a few guys just walk away after they found out i had it. But there will ALWAYS be people in this world that will love you for who you are. This girl isnt the only one!
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| |  | The Following User Says Thank You to rinnylon For This Useful Post:
kzzzrt (06-15-2013)
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06-13-2013, 07:49 AM
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#7 | | Senior Veteran (female)
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 11,286
| Re: confused for marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by im2confused yes ... i m her dream man.... and i can't dream anything for her... and i m already married to her... and now i m getting hard time to gel with her...
i m loosing all my interests... wht to do ..
she is nice girl so just to make her happy.. and she shouldn't know about my feelings i have started living against my will ... future looks tough... | so you are her dream man? and you are sure about that? That's awful presumptious on your part.....I'm sure there are things about you that she's not thrilled with.....you're not perfect, are you?
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| | | | The Following User Says Thank You to rosequartz For This Useful Post:
kzzzrt (06-15-2013)
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06-13-2013, 12:12 PM
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#8 | | Senior Veteran (male)
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,933
| Re: confused for marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by im2confused yes ... i m her dream man.... and i can't dream anything for her... and i m already married to her... and now i m getting hard time to gel with her...
i m loosing all my interests... wht to do ..
she is nice girl so just to make her happy.. and she shouldn't know about my feelings i have started living against my will ... future looks tough... | If you are already married to her, how do you think or fancy this Board can still help you?
Last edited by pendulum; 06-13-2013 at 03:02 PM.
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