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  • My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

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    Old 06-01-2013, 11:52 PM   #1
    kissycat
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    My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

    I have been dating him for 8 months and I love him. Our relationship is nearly perfect, but he gets angry at the littlest things. He is not physical with me at all but he is verbal. He calls me harsh names when he gets mad. I could never imagine saying the things to him that he says to me. Because I wouldn't want to hurt him. He has self esteem issues so I don't think that help with the problem. He says he will stop and he's trying but sometimes he just gets out of control and his words can really hurt me. Please help. What should I do?

     
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    Old 06-02-2013, 02:49 AM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

    You are showing him that it is OK for him to verbally abuse you by just accepting his (meaningless) apologies. He can and does choose what he says to you. People can be angry without being abusive. Make it a condition of continuing with him that he gets help or therapy and stick to it as it is clear he will not stop on his own. Once he knows that this a deal breaker, he may take proper steps. Do not put up with any sort of abuse. He hasn't been physical yet, but he is abusive and much more likely to become physically abusive than people who do not verbally abuse.
    Also, ask yourself why you think it is OK to be spoken to like this. I know you do not like it, but you are condoning it. He knows he can do what he likes, then grovel a bit and forget the whole thing. Big consequence, not! Sera.

     
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    Old 06-07-2013, 09:35 PM   #3
    ninamarc
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    Re: My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

    My short answer is leave him. His abuse issue is his own problem.
    There are some people who tolerate this verbal abuse situation and nothing happens to them physically. However, it is mind control and the value thing. The abusive people are telling you it is OK to talk like that and you accept it... You may feel you are tolerant but somehow subconsciously your mind will be degraded by the bad words. You would feel low inside without really knowing about it.
    In the old times, the women tolerated it and even educated the kids to be like that. The whole family would live with verbal abuse and think it is OK. Today, it is new era and verbal abuse is not right in the family anymore. The society always has some people who are abusive verbally like the boss or the teacher...
    To me, a family cannot have such verbal abuse as I have seen it myself. A verbally abusive person would make you think his thoughts are OK and that he can say anything to you but you cannot to him. It looks like his anger but it is actually his value system - he is trying to make you see his way only.

    Take care,
    Nina

    Last edited by ninamarc; 06-07-2013 at 09:37 PM.

     
    Old 06-08-2013, 09:34 AM   #4
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    Re: My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

    I would also advise you to leave him, but you say - in his favour - that he says he will stop and he is trying, which means he recognizes the problem... My questions are: what is he actually doing to stop this? Is he in therapy or something? Can you see any improvements? Is he really trying hard to change? Not only for you, but also for himself, for anger attacks, you know, will chase everybody away from him - friends, coworkers, partners, lovers...

     
    Old 07-09-2013, 08:47 PM   #5
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    Re: My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

    I have to chime in here. I've lived the life your living and trust me your going to hear LOTS of apologies. If you continue to live with him it will eventually kill your self esteem. Unfortunately for me the verbal did escalate to physical but I didn't leave, I was mentally beaten down and just thought this was my lot in life. It wasn't until I fell into deep depression and considered not wanting to live in this world anymore that I sought councelling. She helped me find my strength. I left him. He never thought I would. The only reason I went back is because he got help for his anger which was rooted in his upbringing. Do yourself a favor and leave this guy for your own mental welfare. Do go through years of torment like I did. I was in therapy for four years.

     
    Old 07-09-2013, 08:54 PM   #6
    sadgirl74
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    Re: My boyfriend has anger issues, help me?

    Leave him asap. I have been there also, they always apologize and then it starts again, do you want to live this way now for the next few years ? And if so why ? I did it for like 6 years. Never again ! I wasted a huge hunk of my life that i can never get back again, ever, i am older now and dont feel as good as i used to. It will be hard for me to start over and meet some one new now. Plus i developed a severe anxiety issue that i never had before i met him. I dont think it will ever go away. Please get away from him now. Its just not worth it. ITS BETTER TO BE ALONE IF YOU HAVE TO BE.

    Last edited by sadgirl74; 07-09-2013 at 08:55 PM.

     
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