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  • Slept with Someone shortly after break up. Help!

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    Old 06-28-2013, 11:40 AM   #1
    Tacher914
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    Slept with Someone shortly after break up. Help!

    My bf and I of 3 1/2 years broke up after a short stint of trying long distance. About one week later, I slept with someone. There was no feelings in it at all. NONE. My ex and I had started talking and he asked if anything had happened with this guy. *side note: this guy had become my roommate, who I did not previously know. We hung out a few times, but when we slept together, it was about a week after the break up. It wasn't a full act of sleeping together, as I got upset because I couldn't stop thinking about my ex so I stopped. When my ex asked if anything happened, I said no at first and then I sent him the truth in an email. (Not the best way to disclose information.) Anyway, long story short, for 8 months we have been going back and forth of possibly getting back together. My ex was so unbelievably angry at what I did. While it mean nothing tome, he needs to understand that we weren't together. Things were OVER. Both of our hearts were hurting from the break up. However, the break up was something we needed. I has even suggested dating other people. Over the course of this 8 months, we would act like we were back together and then not. He would want distance from me to figure things out., which is understood. However,he never met anyone. There was a stint with someone he had kissed. He called and told me. Honestly, while I was a little grossed out (who the person was) i was not mad. We were not together, he can do what he wants. He didn't even have to tell me. As time went on, we rekindled this past New Years. Again,not officially together. In April, he told me we really had to stop doing what we were doing. He said he didn't see us going anywhere. He couldn't see us being apart for good, or being together. He said he liked being single. Although I said it felt like we were breaking up, he has said that we never got back together. A few weeks later we started picking ings back up again. What's new? We always seem to find each other. Things were going pretty well. However, a few times I had said things about making it official he would respond with phrases that would build p a guard in me. For example, I texted him one night asking hi to just be my boyfriend already and he said when I talked like that, it was a turn off. More weeks had gone by and apparently his feelings had started building more towards finally making us a couple again. Meanwhile I had met this guy through a mutual friend. Nothing came of it, but I met him none the less. My ex had called me one not drunk staying he wanted to be with me and be official and all that. I told ho we would talk about it the next day why he was sober, and when we did, he told me he still wasn't sure. I think that kind of put the cherry on top of my guard. I started seeing something with this other guy. But at the same time, I didn't know if I just needed time to be single myself because I had dealt with so much uncertainty from my ex for so long. Now that I said I needed time and this other guy is in the picture, my ex wants me back. He has told me everything I ever wanted to hear. By part of me isn't sure if that's because I met someone or because he really means it. I don't really know where I am now. I hasn't been too long and I miss my ex so much. I think about him everyday. But we had gone back and forth for so long, that I think this time is really necessary. He had also told me he was scared to get back together because he didn't want to hurt me again. Granted, I did something's when we were together hat also contributed to the break up. (No cheating or anything) but how long was he going to be scared? Anyway, I know I need time, but it is hard to stay away. We have been through so much and the back and forth was exhausting. This next time of getting back together will have to be it. All or nothing. However, I don't know if he can do that without bringing up the past. I am also the only girl he has ever been with. Part of me feels like he really needs to date other people To make sure I am what e wants. He had said he wanted to do that before but never went through with it. I know this is long and boring and no one may read this, but I guess I just need some advice as to what someone else would do...

     
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    Old 06-28-2013, 12:07 PM   #2
    rosequartz
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    Re: Slept with Someone shortly after break up. Help!

    I'd stay single and just be friends with the guy
    right now it seems you don't want to be in a relationship together, but you're each others safety net.......not healthy!

     
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    Old 06-29-2013, 10:11 AM   #3
    pendulum
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    Re: Slept with Someone shortly after break up. Help!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    I'd stay single and just be friends with the guy
    right now it seems you don't want to be in a relationship together, but you're each others safety net.......not healthy!
    Yes, I also like to think there must be more important things in your life right now than being in a relationship. Focus on yourself first. Your career, for instance.

     
    Old 06-30-2013, 12:59 PM   #4
    Jabocs
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    Re: Slept with Someone shortly after break up. Help!

    hey I'll try to address multiple points in this post. First of all, you were completely right, you were on a break and you were not together when you slept with the other person. Do not beat yourself about that. On top of that, I feel like you have some pretty good intuition on your relationship as it is right now. I think you're right in the fact that your ex should date some other people to see if he really does want to be with you long term. But to be honest, I see quite a pattern here. So much uncertainty, but the certainty has to be on your ex's terms. I definitely think you should give that other person you're seeing a chance and tell your ex to date other people. And then decide where to go from there in the future.

     
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