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  • My kids hate my boyfriend

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    Old 08-13-2013, 10:45 AM   #1
    Kristy105
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    My kids hate my boyfriend

    I left my husband of 25 years about 3 years ago. I have 4 children, 3 are adults and the one is 11. I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We have had a lot of ups and downs, but we both want to work on our relationship. The kids do not want me with him at all. Unfortunately they have witnessed us fight on several occasions and they believe I deserve better. He has never been physical with me. My older daughter tells me I'm not doing my 11 year old justice by being with him (which of course makes me feel like a bad mother). My 11 year old listens to her older siblings and has told me point blank I don't want him here and I don't want you with him. I want to be with him and try and work things out but how can I be with someone whom my children hate. He can't come to my house and I can't go to his house because of my 11 year old. On one hand I feel as though I am an adult and I should be able to live my life with who I want. On the other hand I would never choose a man over my kids. How is our relationship to survive this. My 20 year old son lives with me as well. I take very good care of my children and have always been an excellent mother. Can you please give me some advice on how to handle this.

     
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    Old 08-13-2013, 11:01 AM   #2
    growagourd
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    Your children must come first, particularly your 11 year old. She is at a very vulnerable time in her development, and deserves your full attention, without the distraction of you trying to squeeze another relationship into. I am sure it has been enough of an upheaval going through the divorce and now this.

    It sounds like the relationship is questionable, at best. Your daughter needs your strength and guidance through the very delicate point in her growth.
    Please put your arms around your daughter and assure her that she is the most important person in your life, and mean it.

    Men come and go, children are forever. Be strong and do the right thing. You will never have to regret it.

     
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    Old 08-13-2013, 11:42 AM   #3
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    But why do you guys keep fighting at all? I mean, what are the reasons for all this fighting? Couples usually fight, because they disagree, of course they do, but they can fight in a graceful manner, so they don't scare anyone who is around. If you can't stop the fighting and if your boyfriend is unable to put himself in your shoes, then it is advisable to end the relationship.

     
    Old 08-13-2013, 11:49 AM   #4
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    your children are probably right in their thinking that you deserve better

     
    Old 08-13-2013, 11:55 AM   #5
    Kristy105
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    We use to work together and we both had problems with our ex spouses which created some stressful situations. I would love to keep this relationship, but I never would want my daughter to feel bad. I would feel selfish. I love my boyfriend very much but my kids do have to be my priority. I was in a bad marriage a very long time and i have found happiness with this man so its going to be very hard to leave the relationship. Do i have to wait until my daughter is 18 to date. I don't see that being realistic.

     
    Old 08-13-2013, 04:03 PM   #6
    growagourd
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    I don't think it is about the right age she should be when you date, it is more about finding the right man. Believe it or not, there are still wonderful men out there that are warm, caring and can be loved by both you and your children.

    if you have been in a long unhappy marriage, you and your children deserve some time to heal.

    I would hope this man would understand this, and take a step back without more drama or tension on your family. We all need some time to breathe, especially between large life events like divorce. This is a wonderful opportunity to model to your daughter what a strong independent woman can choose to do.

     
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    Old 08-22-2013, 08:41 PM   #7
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    I was in a bad marriage for over 20 years also. My youngest is 19 now and I really haven't dated since my ex-husband and I divorced. I get bored and antsy at times but am SO glad I've had this time to heal with my children. Now that I haven't dated for this long, I don't feel in any rush to start up again. No worries. You're not alone. You'll NEVER regret the choice to wait and put your 11 year old first for awhile. Heal together. Have her be your priority and enjoy your kids. Some people aren't as lucky as we are to be able to even have children. Good for you for reaching out.

     
    Old 08-23-2013, 01:23 PM   #8
    lenvegas
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    Re: My kids hate my boyfriend

    Hi, you and your boyfriend should not be fighting around your kids, but you know that. Have you and your BF taken the young girl out to a movie, ice cream, pizza? You need to win the young one over, it is never too late, make her feel that she is an important member of the family. With some kindness and bribery, maybe her opinion of your BF will change....

     
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