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  • I messed up really bad...

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    Old 03-02-2014, 09:03 AM   #1
    asdfgzxc
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    I messed up really bad...

    I just need advice on what to do. My girlfriend and I have been fighting a lot recently and things got worse and worse. We had a big fight a week ago and she needed a lot of space, I gave it to her for the most part but a few days ago something happened. We had an amazing day, but after school she told me something pretty harsh in my opinion, she cancelled on our plans we were planning for a year and then asked to ditch me so she could do them by herself. She told me this online and then logged off. Obviously I was hurt and confused so I called her about it, she told me we would talk about it shortly and to not call her. About 8 hours went by and it was now midnight and still no word from her. None of my male friends were online to talk to since I was pretty upset and the only one online was this female that she doesn't like, so I vented to her. My girlfriend goes on my account at times and I knew she would so I deleted the messages from ******** so I could talk to her about me speaking with this woman and more about what was said, and of course, she went on my account at 1 am and saw the messages while I was still venting. SHe didn't give me a chance to explain or say my side, just a lot of harsh words. She told me that what I did was unforgivable and I lost all her trust, she will never forgive me and we're still in a relationship but she never wants to be alone, and all this nasty stuff. I explained my part but she doesn't care what actually happened, I could show her the messages but she doesn't care nor does she care how I'm feeling. I don't know what to do, I love her, and I know she loves me. She has every right to be mad but I feel like saying she will never forgive me and I'm completely shut out is harsh. I have never done anything like this before and I have NEVER lied to her. She has lied to my face, I mean like she looked into my eyes and lied. I knew she was lying so I tried to get her to tell the truth and she wouldn't, she finally caved, I forgave her. Two weeks ago she spent the day skiing with a guy that I hate, she didn't tell me, I found out by accident, I forgave her. In the early stages she flirted with other guys, I found out and I forgave her.I feel like she's not trying and I need help. I know it hurt her and I would NEVER talk to another girl about my feelings again, only male friends, but she says my word means nothing.

    Last edited by Administrator; 03-02-2014 at 05:49 PM.

     
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    Old 03-02-2014, 01:10 PM   #2
    lenvegas
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    Hi, well this seems to be quite lopsided as she flirts with other guys, goes skiing with a guy you hate and all you do is share your feelings with another girl online and in her eyes you are the bad guy. If I were you I would drop all contact with her and if she wants you back, then make her work for it. Right now she has the upper hand in this as you keep apologizing for things that are not that bad. At your young age you should be seeing many girls both as friends and girlfriends so do not waste a minute of your life being with a girl who treats you without respect. There are too many girls out there that are just waiting to make you happy so hang in there and be friendly to all women and good things will happen....

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 01:15 PM   #3
    asdfgzxc
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    But her thing is she doesn't like me talked to other girls, we're both pretty much like that, and we both agreed that it was something we both admired about each other. I think she was hurt because she got on to forgive me about everything, and she thinks I was flirting with this other woman and such, but I was doing no such thing, I needed to speak about my problems, she wouldn't listen so I turned to the only person that was online for me to talk with.

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 01:18 PM   #4
    asdfgzxc
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    Well, going into this I knew she didn't want me talking with other females, hell, I don't WANT to talk with other females. But I had to talk to someone. She thinks we flirted and her big thing was that I was being friendly with her as I am usually not that friendly with other females. She's also probably is upset since she came online to forgive me about our past BIG fight, and when she got on she saw all that. Also the flirting was near the start of the relationship before we were serious, I don't think she has done anything like that since,

    Last edited by asdfgzxc; 03-02-2014 at 01:21 PM. Reason: more info

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 03:03 PM   #5
    Seraph
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    Yes, you sure did mess up. How would you like it if she was discussing your relationship with the ski guy? However innocent your motives are, that is really not on. She is very angry. Give her time to settle down, then work on rebuilding trust. Ask yourself, tho, if the lies she tells are a deal breaker or not. You will have to live with dealing with them if you decide to stay. Sera

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 03:08 PM   #6
    asdfgzxc
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
    Yes, you sure did mess up. How would you like it if she was discussing your relationship with the ski guy? However innocent your motives are, that is really not on. She is very angry. Give her time to settle down, then work on rebuilding trust. Ask yourself, tho, if the lies she tells are a deal breaker or not. You will have to live with dealing with them if you decide to stay. Sera
    I think the main problem that I'm having is that she says she will NEVER forgive me, no discussion.

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 03:34 PM   #7
    Seraph
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    Like I said, give her time to cool down. Just send nice messages, don't ask for a response. Step back for a bit. If she still wants you, she will open the door. If not, then you will just have to move on.

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 03:55 PM   #8
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    I will try, will post how tomorrow goes...

     
    Old 03-02-2014, 04:40 PM   #9
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    Re: I messed up really bad...

    different people have different levels of forgive-ability- if that makes sense. You sound a lot like me- very forgiving, let it roll off your back mentality. Your girlfriend on the other hand, is on the other end of the spectrum- sounds like when she feels crossed, she can hold a grudge and it takes her a little bit longer to move on and forgive. Which by the way- she will eventually. She says she won't, but she will. Will it take her to the end of her life? Maybe. But I like to think people are a little more forgiving than that. It might take her a while- that's it. During this time, all you can do is wait and demonstrate your trustworthiness. And don't do anything else that will violate her trust obviously!

    As for what you did- talking to the other- that was a big no no, even worse if it's somebody that your girlfriend isn't very fond of. In these kinds of situations where you feel like you really need to talk somebody (and we've been there) go to somebody that is a neutral party, like your parents or a sibling or family member or therapist. Don't talk your business with people that you aren't close to and cannot trust.

    Last edited by Administrator; 03-03-2014 at 01:43 AM.

     
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