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  • Too skinny?

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    Old 04-01-2014, 10:55 PM   #1
    ConfusedGF
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    Too skinny?

    I've dated my high school sweetheart for 8 years now. My problem is related to my size. I weigh 106lbs at 5'6 and I have always been thin. I eat, but my high metabolism keeps me at a size 2. When I met my boyfriend in high school, he never made me feel like I was too skinny, but his family would make comments about my weight at dinner. Eventually he started making me feel like he wasn't attracted to me physically by joking that I should eat more. When we were 18 (I'm 24 now) he even said he was used to dating bigger women, but he loves me. As we got older, he told me he shouldn't have told me that, or at least not the way he phrased it. He apologized, but the damage was done.

    I've always thought that a man is initially attracted to a woman based on the physical. Every woman wants her man to think she is beautiful. When I was younger and immature, I started to hate my body and any woman with curves. I quickly realized that I was letting my insecurity take over so I stopped. Today, I love my body and I've embraced my size, recognizing that there are many women who would love to be my size. I've always been told I'm a beautiful woman and that I have a great sense of fashion. I have no interest in modeling, but I have been told that I should.

    My boyfriend and I are getting married this summer and we both really love each other, but I still don't feel beautiful around him. I have so many men from all different backgrounds telling me how attractive I am, but I don't feel like I'm good enough for my fiance.

    He lists all the things he loves about me, but it hurts when he tells me to eat more. I've expressed to him how he makes me feel, but he still does it. He says it's "complicated" when I ask him why he even bothered to date me if I wasn't thick enough for him. It's not an everyday thing, not even every week, but it's enough to make me feel insecure at times. It's not like I was one way when we met then I suddenly lost 20 pounds. I just don't understand why a man would get with a woman if he doesn't like her body. I'm not even sure if I'm making sense, but I really want advice.

    He doesn't talk about me in a bad way and he doesn't pick on me. Here's an example from today. I sent him a picture of this big breakfast I made today just for me and told him how many pieces of bacon etc. I had. He texts back, "Good, eat all you can." Or sometimes we'll be out and he'll say "we need to fatten you up." Those words hurt me because again, I don't understand why he doesn't love my size. I've been this way during our entire relationship. Is this typical? Do men fall in love with women, but then want to change them physically?

    I also realize that this probably isn't the kind of problem most women have, which is why I haven't been able to really find support. I know our society pressures women to be slender, but in some cultures, it's the complete opposite.

     
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    Old 04-01-2014, 11:13 PM   #2
    flex39
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    Re: Too skinny?

    ConfusedGF - The problem is your boyfriend, not you. He's the one making you feel insecure about yourself. As you stated, growing up, you never had a problem with your weight, but him and his family have made you second guess yourself. Why are you sending him a photo of how many pieces of bacon you ate? That makes no sense, you're trying to please HIM by fattening up. If you want to put on weight, you do it for you, not for him (or his family).

    You said, many people find you beautiful, but in your eyes (forgive me if I'm wrong), it sounds like your boyfriends opinion is the only one that counts.... NO... YOUR OPINION is the only that counts. He doesn't pick on you? He does!... it might not be blatant and in your face (on a daily/weekly basis), but he sends out the odd messages and makes the odd comments.

    Be strong for yourself, and if you like being the size you are, then don't change for anyone. If he loves you as much as he says, then HE'LL have to change

    BE STRONG!

     
    Old 04-02-2014, 12:06 AM   #3
    Seraph
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    Re: Too skinny?

    First off - it is not your problem, it is his. Many men are very insecure about having a gorgeous gf and, unfortunately, to make themselves feel secure, some will put the gf down so they will make her lose enough confidence to prevent her attracting other men. I don't think it is even totally deliberate, but it can and must be stopped. He will cause what he fears the most - you leaving him. Good on you for embracing your body, and if he didn't really feel attracted to it, he would not stick around. He needs to grow up. Sera

     
    Old 04-02-2014, 12:19 AM   #4
    ConfusedGF
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    Re: Too skinny?

    Thank you Sera. There was a time when I did try to eat a lot, praying I gained weight. I just got sick. Now I focus on being healthy, eating the right foods and getting exercise. I've accepted that right now, this is me. I'm sure as I get older, the weight will actually stick, but for now there is nothing I can do about it. I tell him that. And you're probably right. If he wasn't attracted to me, he wouldn't be with me. I know he has his own insecurity and jealousy problems. He doesn't want to see me talking to other men. He knows guys flirt with me and I think deep down, he's afraid I might leave him.

     
    Old 04-02-2014, 12:20 AM   #5
    flex39
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    Re: Too skinny?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
    First off - it is not your problem, it is his. Many men are very insecure about having a gorgeous gf and, unfortunately, to make themselves feel secure, some will put the gf down so they will make her lose enough confidence to prevent her attracting other men. I don't think it is even totally deliberate, but it can and must be stopped. He will cause what he fears the most - you leaving him. Good on you for embracing your body, and if he didn't really feel attracted to it, he would not stick around. He needs to grow up. Sera
    ConfusedGF - listen to Sera. She gave me very good advice too

     
    Old 04-02-2014, 12:24 AM   #6
    ConfusedGF
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    Re: Too skinny?

    Thanks @flex39. I appreciate all of the advice and encouragement. I can't believe I'm even dealing with this. I'm 24 years old. This is the type of issue I thought I would deal with after being married for like 30 years. Everything you all are saying makes sense though. And, I would like to gain a little more weight, but I don't need the pressure from him. I want him to just love me as I am.

     
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