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  • Help me out with this please.

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    Old 05-14-2014, 08:26 PM   #1
    strawberrygirl7
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    Help me out with this please.

    Hey everyone. Thanks for reading. Well ill make long story short ( ill try). Ive been with my now fiance for almost two years. He knows/ always knew my past. I was in one relationship before him for almost 9 years. I was very,very young when i got into my first relationship. ( 14 to exact) Well basically when I met my fiance, my ex and I were horrible. He used to hurt my physically and emotionally. He was a big mess for me. We went continously break up..then get back together just because we were all we knew. Well, that alll changed when I met my fiance in in July 2012. My ex and I recently stopped talking before I met him and i decided to give the new guy a chance. Well, the new guy turned out to be amazing. He is honestly a blessing that has happend in my life. Unfortunately, lately ( this past week to be exact) Ive screwed up BIG time. We were watching tv one day and I was thinking too much ( like i always do) and I asked him how many girls he has slept with in the past before he met me. Well for MONTHS he would never ever answer me. This past week, i dont know what got into me but I went insane. I told him that he better tell me before we get married ( we get married in january 2015) I began cussing at him and grabbed my things and left our apartment. He ran after me saying that he didnt know me...that it shouldnt matter. I told him it matters to me. He KNOWS ive ONLY slept with one person. That was my ex. He finally told me his number. his number is 9. After he told me that...I again ( something I NEVER wanted to do in this relationship) I started cursing. I told him that he is a ***** ..he is a dog.. I went on and on. I hit walls, I went crazy. Now its been a few days since the storm. I feel like he is a bit distant from me ( which I get it) But i can NOT get over his past. I keep wondering how he got them into bed. The things he told these girls, what they look like, if he compares me. I LOOK AT HIM with ANGER AND HATRED. I ****** hate him right now . Our relationship has BEEN PERFECT, hes been the best to me in all ways. He truly is incredible...but I cant stop my anger. My hatred. I look at him and I practically spit on the ground . I told him that I HAD SEVERAL chances to sleep with different guys but SEX IS special to me .and it is. and always was. I NEVER slept with someone I didnt love. I dont even know how it feels to sleep with someone u dont love. he dont me he was single and hed go out to a bar, meet a girl. when he would say that i would scream , THEN **** HER RIGHT?" im so bitter and angry. and its ruining our relationship. the first few nights i couldnt stop thinking how he slept with these 9 girls. I started texting him hurtfful words. I KNOW he didnt cheat on me,,and i know it was before me. but it hurts. I also suffer at times with low self-esteem which I know it a huge factor in this. Please help me guys. I know IM WRONG. i KNOW it. I just need to see it. Please be gentle and give me some advice. I want to rescue our relationship before this situation kills it

     
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    Old 05-15-2014, 03:23 AM   #2
    lenvegas
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    Re: Help me out with this please.

    Hi, now that you fiance has fallen in love with you, he really does not think of the other women he has had in his life, it is probably just a blur in his brain. Yes we men like having sex with many women, it is how nature made us, we can't help it, with or without love. You would be hard pressed to find a man without a sexual history so it would be in your best interest to apologize and never mention it again or else this relationship will be greatly compromised. Just remember how special you are to him as you are the only one he has asked to marry. Hang in there

     
    Old 05-15-2014, 06:15 AM   #3
    rosequartz
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    Re: Help me out with this please.

    sigh why did you ask this question and not just ask.....badger him for an answer and when you got it now you're upset.....
    and 9 isn't really that big of a number.....it's not even into the double digits for crying out loud.... and they say women cut their number in half and guys double theirs, so it's possible he's only had 4.5....
    you have to let this go, he's with you now, you said everything is great.....why would you let something like this ruin all the good things?

     
    Old 05-15-2014, 07:09 AM   #4
    BigRed54
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    Re: Help me out with this please.

    Obviously you know you are wrong - and yes, you are! His past is what led him to be the man you fell in love with, and your past is what led you to be the woman he fell in love with. And his past, and your past are THE PAST. They happened before you got together and are not anyone's business.

    I think that you should find a counselor - either a psychologist or a minister if you are religious - who can help you work through self-esteem issues from your youth/long-term relationship and get past this.

    Essentially, there is nothing in the world that should cause you to ever scream and cuss at him like that. He is a person and does not deserve to be treated like that. Think about how you would feel if he yelled and cussed at you because you had sex for nine years with someone else!

     
    Old 05-15-2014, 10:39 AM   #5
    Kszan
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    Re: Help me out with this please.

    I looked back at your previous post and now I remember your story. You've already put this boyfriend through a major drama when you first started dating him cause you were still hung up on your ex. For some reason he stayed with you after that. Now this happened and I'm sure he is fed up. There's probably been other drama in the meantime that you haven't told us about and he is likely on his last nerve about this relationship. So, if I were you, I'd start changing my tune really quick because how many more times do you expect him to forgive you for hurting him? There will come a point, which maybe the line has already been crossed, where he will have had enough. Is that what you want? Because this is the kind of thing that breaks people up.

    The next time you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question. You know that you have issues with insecurity so the topic of previous sexual partners is obviously not the right topic of discussion for you. I think you need to seriously look into some counseling for yourself to figure out why you are having these issues because it will affect every relationship you have until you deal with it and fix it.

    Last edited by Kszan; 05-15-2014 at 04:46 PM.

     
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    strawberrygirl7 (05-17-2014)
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