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  • Married a Monster

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    Old 07-08-2014, 04:53 PM   #1
    EstaBien
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    Exclamation Married a Monster

    I've been married 1 full month as of today, and it's been the worst month -psychologically- in my life. My husband and I dated 4 years before we got married and lived together for 2. Apparently, where he's from (NJ) couples make on average 30-50 thousand in monetary gifts from a wedding. I'm from Texas and that's where we had the wedding... Long story short we made back about a third of what we spent (less than 25k) on everything. This past month it has been nothing short of verbal abuse and harassment, ranging from "make your mom write us a check for the difference of what we were supposed to make" or "call up the people who didn't leave money and make them write us a check", or "your family is scumbags and I want nothing to do with them" "I have no respect for and of you" "your parents did this on purpose". Sidenote: some people didn't even leave cards! That kind of annoyed me but a good amount of people on my side left nothing- which turned him Into this greed monster. I'm not joking when I say I've had to block his phone number and email address while I'm at work. It doesn't stop! Think of your worst break up and times a thousand. I've tried reasoning and talking rationally, I took the blame for everything and apologized bc I didn't know his hopes were close to 30k in gifts. He doesn't listen and insists I take my mothers money. He also has told all his friends and his parents that my guests at the wedding left nothing. I'm seriously considering pressing charges for harassment. Nothing like this had EVER come up before we got married and you can't make this up. Had I experienced this before we got married I would have hightailed it like a bat outta hell. Help????!

     
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    Old 07-08-2014, 05:15 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: Married a Monster

    He will not let this go..it will be brought up at every opportunity for the rest of your life. If you don't want this, then bail now. Your title says it all. Sera

     
    Old 07-09-2014, 06:24 AM   #3
    rosequartz
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    Re: Married a Monster

    agree with Seraph! Talk to a lawyer NOW.....you may be able to annul this nightmare!

     
    Old 07-09-2014, 07:23 AM   #4
    Kszan
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    Re: Married a Monster

    You've got to look out for numero uno in your life, and that means yourself. There is no one else in this world who will care as much about your safety and well being as much as yourself. In the interest of self preservation and to keep yourself from further harm, you need to get this farce of a marriage annulled. Right now. This week. You're right that you married a monster and a selfish, immature, inappropriate monster at that. Kick him to the curb and don't look back.

    Last edited by Kszan; 07-09-2014 at 07:24 AM.

     
    Old 07-09-2014, 08:38 AM   #5
    solofelix
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    Re: Married a Monster

    "Where is the "Love" in this marriage,
    Sounds to me more like a "Money Making" proposition...

    Solofelix.

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 08:20 AM   #6
    EstaBien
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Thanks y'all, I'm new to this message board world, but you've confirmed my thoughts. I've literally been unable to talk to anyone bc of the sensitive nature (finances/ family/ etc)...this might be dramatic, but I actually have saved all the emails and instant messages he's sent me everyday (we used to chat/IM at work) since the wedding, as well as texts... Is this considered domestic abuse? Quite honestly I feel sorry for him more than myself, clearly he's never experienced true happiness.

    PS: have you ever heard of making a ton of money off your wedding?

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 08:36 AM   #7
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Hi,

    You say you dated him for 4 yrs, you lived together for 2 yrs.
    One cant help but thinking you never learned much about him in all this time.
    It's a shame that what you did or did not receive money wise should even crop up at all in your wedding.
    Surely if you lived together money must have reared it's head at some stage.
    I think the pair of you should sit down and have a serious talk together, it seems far too early to give up,

    Solofelix.

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 10:26 AM   #8
    EstaBien
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Were both making pretty ok money for 25 year olds, so quite honestly this was our first big purchase -which my parents contributed a large amout to. I always saw the way his family values money over everything and the way they talked about other people (always "how much does he/she make?") but I married him because of his seemingly perfect rationality and morals. Somethig ticked in his head and I've tried talking but it goes nowhere except back to how much he hates my family. I've even tried normal/neutral convos with him, and the slightest mention of anything that could relate to southerners or money he turns it back into another verbal attack (god forbid johnny manziel shows up on TV). My mind is being conditioned to turn defensive any time he's around, I literally don't recognize my own thoughts. I'm not motivated to do anything except defend myself when it starts again.

    I don't believe in giving up, so I'd actually rather die before I ended our marriage, but there's nothing I can do. He'll only be happy once everyone sends him a check that at least covers their plate....

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 10:35 AM   #9
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    Re: Married a Monster

    It's extremely tactless for a person to expect to "make money" off their wedding. Sounds like he grew up in a family where everything wanted, he got, so he's a spoiled brat with an over inflated sense of entitlement. Your mom is not responsible for "making up the difference" of what he "expected" to receive. It's got nothing to do with her. He is completely wrong and honestly if I were you I'd be out the door today. I realize there are implications for moving forward with an annulment so soon after the wedding but, he is literally being completely unrelentingly unreasonable. And it doesn't sound like he will ever drop this. You're better off taking the financial hit and get out of this now before this mental abuse escalates. And it sounds like that is a possibility, so save yourself and peoples' opinions be damned. They don't have to live your daily life with this selfish spoiled entitled brat.

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 11:27 AM   #10
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Hi esta bien, I have an idea, it's only been a month why not have another wedding funded by those that think you didn't make enough off of the first one & get those monetary gifts that will absolutely be given according to him & have him guarantee that you will receive them or his friends & family foot the bill? I'm from Texas & weddings are an opportunity provided by the couple to invite the special people that they want to celebrate with & hospitably serve those guests in the manner that the couple chooses to share their joy & love with the guests, not like a nightclub with a cover charge to make sure you break even or profit & people in tx are generous just like most everywhere & maybe left nothing because they thought he was a jerk or the marriage wouldnt last. His harassment constantly over this would make me wonder what would happen if a new car was wrecked what would he do & how much would he consider the cost & "harp" instead of asking "was anyone hurt?" or how much "talk" would you have to endure if a premature birth, etc? There are certain things that cant be controlled & if he thinks like this he must think tht he can exercise control over everything which is impossible even for the biggest control freak! I hope he comes to his senses & considers the error of his ways because its not fun playing the blame game forever &/or you must seriously think about your future with him & without him.

    Last edited by gmak; 07-10-2014 at 02:08 PM.

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 11:29 AM   #11
    lenvegas
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    Re: Married a Monster

    I think your husband feels slighted because traditionally the brides family pays for the wedding, however he should have thought about all of this before the wedding and complaining about it now is just wrong.......that is why so many couples come here to get married.

     
    Old 07-10-2014, 12:27 PM   #12
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by EstaBien View Post
    My mind is being conditioned to turn defensive any time he's around, I literally don't recognize my own thoughts. I'm not motivated to do anything except defend myself when it starts again.

    I don't believe in giving up, so I'd actually rather die before I ended our marriage, but there's nothing I can do. He'll only be happy once everyone sends him a check that at least covers their plate....
    can you see what this relationship/guy is doing to you? conditioning your mind to turn defensive.....this isn't healthy and it wouldn't be giving up to get out of this marriage......it would be saving yourself....honestly I think staying with this guy is giving up.....
    and you say you'd rather die before you'd end your marriage.....that IS a possibility when you stay in an abusive relationship.....be careful and please reconsider.....he has just shown his true colors because he thinks he can control you....you are property to him....

     
    Old 07-17-2014, 12:23 AM   #13
    Ryan74
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Don't waste your time spending to a man that doesn't treat you right. Move on and live your life the way you want it to be.

     
    Old 07-17-2014, 08:59 PM   #14
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    Re: Married a Monster

    Seems to me like the man you married has Narcissistic Personality. So awful living with a person like that.

     
    Old 07-17-2014, 09:00 PM   #15
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    Re: Married a Monster

    I meant Narcissistic Personality Disorder by the way

     
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