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  • Boyfriend wants me to move back 'home' with him

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    Old 07-11-2014, 05:05 PM   #1
    hmac91
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    Unhappy Boyfriend wants me to move back 'home' with him

    I'm sorry this is so long but I just need opinions. Grab some coffee and settle in to read it
    I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and he used to live in California (I live in Florida). We met at 17 and became friends online, he visited a few times and we fell in love and had a ldr for a few months until he moved here. He moved partly for school down here and partly for me.
    Recently he visited CA for 2 weeks and expressed that he wanted to move back, and wanted me to go with him, in so many words. He wants to go to medic school and it's easier to do it up there rather than in Florida. We had a huge long talk and I was crying through most of it because it was just a bombshell and maybe I was just feeling emotional that day but it was just such a terrifying idea and he felt horrible that I was so upset about it. I asked hypothetically what would happen if he moved and I didn't, would we break up? And he joked that he would just make me come with him.
    He also said that he hasn't really been happy here but he thinks it's partly because when I'm at work and he's not, he's sitting alone in his apartment about an hour away and he's used to hanging out with people all the time so I get that that's a big difference. He's not a clingy or anti-social person but pretty much everyone he knows here works all the time and/or just can't hang out.
    But we're moving in together in less than a month so he said I didn't have to make a decision tomorrow but he wants to have a plan in 1-2 years. He also thinks he may feel better once we move in together. We want to be together. We've talked briefly about marriage (not intensely because we don't want to get married for several years) but we love each other more than anything.
    He's also looked into job possibilities for me and apparently CA is the place to do the work I am looking to do. I'm currently just working part-time at a call center, nothing exciting and I'll have my license in a month.
    Anyway, enough backstory. The idea terrifies me even though I've gotten better with it the last few days. I'm shy with new situations and new people so I'm not great with change. I also have a few very close friends, I've just never been the type to become friends with everyone but my boyfriend is. Which is fine but the idea of moving somewhere I don't really know anyone is so scary even though he's already done it. I mean, I'll know his friends but not well, of course.
    Side note, both of his parents are deceased so his 'family' is his huge group of friends up in CA. I'm pretty close with my family but again I have a tiny close-knit group of friends. But I'm a smaller town girl, he's a big city guy, it's not like I live in super rural America but we've grown up pretty differently.
    I also worry that I'll be horribly homesick and it'll put a strain on our relationship and eventually end it then what? I can't imagine. And we're both 23, so obviously we have so much to learn in life but this is what's happening, this is how we feel, and we want to have a life together.
    Okay, again I'm sorry for the novel but should I embrace the idea of moving? Or be more realistic and realize that it might not work out? I haven't told my friends about it because I don't want to deal with it yet. Help ??

    Last edited by mod85; 07-11-2014 at 05:57 PM.

     
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    Old 07-11-2014, 07:22 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: Boyfriend wants me to move back 'home' with him

    Go! You will never know how it will turn out if you don't try it. It is scary, but life is risk. If it doesn't work, then you will work something out from there. There are planes back and forth if you need family time. You are probably a bit hesitant because your life has been small and comfortable. Take a chance, you won't grow if you never take chances. Sera

     
    Old 07-13-2014, 01:24 AM   #3
    lenvegas
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    Re: Boyfriend wants me to move back 'home' with him

    Hi, follow your heart and do not base your decision on the opinions of people who do not have to live with the results....

     
    Old 07-17-2014, 12:13 AM   #4
    Ryan74
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    Re: Boyfriend wants me to move back 'home' with him

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
    Go! You will never know how it will turn out if you don't try it. It is scary, but life is risk. If it doesn't work, then you will work something out from there. There are planes back and forth if you need family time. You are probably a bit hesitant because your life has been small and comfortable. Take a chance, you won't grow if you never take chances. Sera
    I agree. Take chances and life is full of surprises.

     
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