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  • Frightened I'll never be fun again

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    Old 01-06-2015, 05:11 PM   #1
    FillyFogg
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    Frightened I'll never be fun again

    History (bit boring but background) - Brought up with an anxious mum, mum/dad divorced when I was 5 (I am now 34), 5-18 dealing with mum's stress/anxiety/tears/fears and felt guilty/shameful alot of the time, 18 left home and partied drunks/participated in recreational drugs every weekend until about 23 then had my first bad case of anxiety/lows which was triggered by a break-up, then at 27 suffered another period of anxiety/low, then 30-32 massive anxiety/low and now at 34 I've suddenly recognised symptons of depression, which I have never experienced before all at once: Loss of confidence, extremely tearful over last few months, tired/could sleep all day, paranoid, mistrustful of friends, jealously, angry/irritable, dragging up old negative memories, very very guilty. These symptons are all very unlike me before 30.

    I feel like I am making enemies. I feel when sociably drunk I am either rude or in tears. I feel very resentful of certain friends who I have been there for that don't really call anymore. I understand people have their own lives, but some know how I feel and have ignored texts with hello/happy xmas. I feel as I write this it sounds so pathetic and that I need to pull myself together. I am worried I will never return to fun me, the one who used to make everyone laugh, kind, thoughtful and caring and wanted to be around. I am scared something has changed in my brain and this is how I am going to be from now on.....or is this just a bad phase, am I letting out past oppressed feelings?

    I am worried this will get worse. This month I am going to exercise daily, eat well, avoid alcohol and stay in touch with good friends. I do have lovely people who care, but lots of friends are settled down with children which adds to my loneliness. If it continues into February, I think I am going to seek out medication. Can anyone recommend a good brand? I have taken anti-depressants in the past but only for a max of 3 months, never felt they really agreed with me. I am also starting to crave alcohol/drugs when I go out, which I could take or leave before. I have also had CBT in 2007 and practice Meditation last year for 3 months.

    Sorry if this sounds like waffle, bit of a stream of consciousness. I look forward to tips/advice.

    Thank you in advance

    Last edited by FillyFogg; 01-06-2015 at 05:18 PM.

     
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    Old 01-07-2015, 04:18 AM   #2
    52ken
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    Re: Frightened I'll never be fun again

    I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed and I agree with most of what you said at the end of your post. Alcohol and drugs will only hurt the situation more. You need a lifestyle change with good clean friends but that is easier said than done. You need to see a endocrinologist who can evaluate you to know which drugs you need or maybe even a shrink to help with emotional issues you had with your mom. There is no sense feeling the way you do because there is help out there but you need to seek it. Remember you are in control. Good luck.

     
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    Old 01-07-2015, 10:46 AM   #3
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    Re: Frightened I'll never be fun again

    Addiction has creeped into my life and the lives of most of my peers. We all had anxiety ridden parents or broken homes and now we are stuck in our 20s getting high at our parents home.

    Grab the bull by the horns and change your lifestyle drastically. My best friend became a meth addict when his fiance left him. This is after being a sheltered mommy's boy for 22 years. He lost his mind for about 3 years before he finally dropped everything, moved to China, and now he teaches English. He makes great money and no longer abuses substances.

    I am also an addict. I recently got out of prison. Don't let the pressures of society lead you into a life of self medication, unless you're willing to pay the high prices of addiction.

     
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    Old 01-07-2015, 12:53 PM   #4
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    Re: Frightened I'll never be fun again

    Hi, a healthy self discipline such as daily exercise, martial arts training or yoga are the keys to happiness and self confidence. Become a warrior princess by making your body strong because when the body becomes strong the mind will follow. When you exercise by doing daily cardio and weight training you will have no need to go on SSRI type drugs for depression and your happiness will come from within. Exercise releases your own bodies feel good substance called endorphins which will give you a rush of good feeling. Meditation will also help you feel instead of think, because after all it is stinking thinking that has gotten us addicts in trouble at one time or another. good luck to you.

     
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    Old 01-07-2015, 02:20 PM   #5
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    Re: Frightened I'll never be fun again

    Good you can recognize what is going on.

    I would suggest a good physical make sure your thyroid and hormones are good. Exercise daily. Eat better and don't drink for the time being.

    Your young and have a whole life ahead of you.

     
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    Old 01-07-2015, 03:50 PM   #6
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    Re: Frightened I'll never be fun again

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement and sharing your stories, I feel lifted already and definately more focussed. Knowing that people in the world care and support others like this is amazing and lightens my darkened view of the destruction I see on the news. You are all lovely people and all the very best in your journeys, we are not given a rule book on life, so take every lesson and move forward. Best regards

     
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