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  • Please help. Did you experience it too?

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    Old 08-31-2016, 09:20 AM   #1
    ILillyI's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2016
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    ILillyI HB User
    Please help. Did you experience it too?


    Sorry if there are some mistakes. I'm not fluent in english ^-^

    Recently I was in a psychiatric hospital for two months. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression (recurrence), anxiety, OCD and avoidant + dependent personality disorder.

    But right now I'm still kinda worrying about wether I've got schizophrenia or not.

    I told the doctors in the hospital about the symptoms I've experienced in the past but they said that they think that I experienced this because of my depression.

    My aunt has schizophrenia so it runs in my family. I should probably also tell you that my uncle also had some kind of problems (alcohol and drug addiction).

    A few years ago I was home alone and suddenly there was a really loud BANG against the door (of the room I was in). It was so realistic and I panicked but nobody was there and there wasn't any logical explanation.

    And a few months ago some weird things happened. It felt like an episode.
    It felt like bugs were crawling on my legs (sometimes on my arms) but there wasn't anything.

    During that time I've also been paranpoid about some things.
    When there was a plane flying above our house I always thought *that plane is gonna crash into my house*. And when my dad had an accident the police called my mom and when I noticed that my mom was talking to the police I immediately thought *omg the police is calling because of me. They are gonna arrest me.* (even though I didn't do anything bad).

    Sometimes I was afraid of photographs of people because it felt like they were watching me and I was afraid that they were gonna move.
    When I wanted to take a pill (just for my hair) I thought that it was poisonous just because two words of the package were overlapping.
    At some point some rooms and even my parents looked kinda different.

    When I'm in public I always think something like *oh that person thinks (negative thing) about me* when people walk past me or even if cars drive past me.

    I'm often talking fast and loud.

    And during that period of time I often forgot words for example dishwasher and then I said machine wash thing.

    When I was having a conversation with someone I suddenly totally forgot what we were talking about (like my brain was empty). I also can't really concentrate (sometimes I couldn't even read a book).

    I also reacted inappropriately to sad news. For exmaple: I told my mom about people who died in an accident and I kinda smiled a bit (even though I knew that it wasn't funny) and my mom even said to me "That's not funny.".

    When I was hearing music I often thought that my mom was talking to me even though she wasn't.

    Sometimes I thought that there was a spider on the wall but when I looked again there was no spider.

    At some point I saw a dead body laying on the floor for a second (that happened twice) and I also some kitchen tools looked like a cut off head for a second.

    Noises were and are still very annoying to me. Especially the ones that aren't loud. They seem to be getting louder and louder and I'm starting to get angry and feel like I could freak out any second (I would never hurt anybody though).

    When these things happened I told my psychiatrist about it and she said that she doesn't think that I got schizophrenia because I realize that these things are weird. But then she prescribed me Risperdal at the same day and when I got home I googled it and read that it is used to treat schizophrenia. Maybe she just wanted to try if it works idk? Well I was taking Prozac and this Risperdal and I started to feel better really fast. But I had to stop taking it because of the side effects. Since then I didn't experience things like that anymore.

    But a few days ago I woke up and it felt like I was drunk (even though I didn't drink alcohol) and I was feeling very very anxious without a reason.

    Now I'm really afraid that these things are going to happen again.

    I know the psychiatrist said that she doesn't think that I got schizophrenia but maybe she is wrong? I mean if it runs in my family I got a higher chance of having it...

    If you got schizophrenia or know much about it please message me and tell me about your first symptoms.

    Thank you

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    Old 01-09-2017, 09:18 PM   #2
    Aminrcraoftm's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2017
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    Re: Please help. Did you experience it too?

    I get this too. Pretty much all of it. Although I've stopped seeing super detailed things like bodies. But as far as the seeing spiders, the paranoia, hearing people talking, fixating on quiet noises, and tactile sensations (except for me it usually feels like someone poking me or water dripping). I just have learned to live with it. Have a sense of humor. Paranoia isn't necessarily bad, just think of it as being vigilant, but if you find yourself too worked up about something, try to laugh it off. You realize the ridiculousness, so you already have that going for you.

    The social things I have no idea how to handle. Maybe just be upfront and explain the situation. Although personally I get to embarrassed to do that. Same with memory things. I feel like I sounds crazy. But I make sure I'm at least knowledgeable in topics I get into conversations about. So if I forget common words or have to take a sec to let my brain start working again or have erratic thoughts and speech, I'll just seem eccentric, rather than disabled.

    And that picture thing you mentioned... that was the bane of my childhood. I was in constant fear of all faces that weren't attached to real people. Sorry for not offering too many solutions, but I want you to know that what you experience is pretty normal (at least for abnormal people ). And I'm glad your drugs are working out for you so far.

    But also, I feel like I have to maybe give you some hope. For me, hallucinations are usually actually kind of nice. The worst is paranoia. Like having to look behind you every couple of seconds, checking all the dark corners, etc. But It can be fun listening to music that you hear coming from nowhere, just a spot in space. Sure, I can guess that it is coming from my head. But that doesn't change the fact that it is good music. Or watching the floor or sidewalk roll, or the moment when all my attention is focused on the nonexistent drop of liquid that just fell from some surface, and I'm consumed by childlike wonder. Or when colors (especially blues) are so much more vibrant.

    There is hope, even if your condition doesn't change. But I wish you the best with your medication. Solidarity.

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    mental health, mental illness, psychosis, risperdal, schizophrenia

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