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    Old 05-29-2004, 12:39 PM   #1
    Zoe
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    Unhappy Being schizophrenic at parties

    I am sad and lonley and I don't have a boyfriend. In fact I am 27 and have never had a boyfriend. When I go to parties I find myself sitting alone and not being able to talk to people I can't think of any words to say and people must think I am sooo boring. I put on 3 stone with my medication so now I am fat too. I read that schizophrenia has negative symptoms which make people withdrawn from other people but I need people around.
    Thankyou for your time.

     
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    Old 05-29-2004, 06:58 PM   #2
    prometheus
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    Quote:
    I am sad and lonley and I don't have a boyfriend. In fact I am 27 and have never had a boyfriend. When I go to parties I find myself sitting alone and not being able to talk to people I can't think of any words to say and people must think I am sooo boring. I put on 3 stone with my medication so now I am fat too. I read that schizophrenia has negative symptoms which make people withdrawn from other people but I need people around.
    Thankyou for your time.
    No I think our culture breeds boredom (addiction to stimulation) and with all the intellectualism going around people feel they need to "know" stuff or some deep insight in order to have a meaningful conversation.

    There are so many people around that seeking solitude, atleast for me, I consider perfectly normal behavior and calling it "withdrawn" or "withdrawing" is the only negative thing about it.
    "
    The neuroleptic "medications" that schizophrenics take can make it hard to think, read, or follow a typical conversation or find it enjoyable. Of course, all of this is attributed to the "disease".

    I read an article in national geographic about an african tribe an anthropologist was studying. When asked what they thought about the anthropologist they said "White people talk too much". I THINK THIS IS TRUE!! Dare I say it. I think the amount of talking we (westernized, "civilized" people) do is unnatural. I hate typical conversations, personally. I do not think that talking is how we get to know people, or know ourselves. I believe we get to know people through physical contact and doing things. I believe talking about ourselves and talking to others about themselves is unnatural, and something we learn to "enjoy" and some of us never really learn to enjoy it. I am female, btw, and I believe that females enjoying "conversation" is a myth. I am not arguing that females talk a lot, but I think the narcissism, self involvement, "girl talk", and self indulgence pushed on females in our culture is what leads to our overall "unhappiness". Anyway, if meeting people is what you want, there are many ways to meet people. I do not think that "parties" are a good way to meet people. Who wants to start up a "conversation" with a perfectly drunk stranger, whom you have no predictive ability over whether or not you will have anything in "common" other than the fact that you both have a job..it's all very thrilling isn't it? When we were children and we had to attend an adult gathering..how boring was that? It's just not natural. The best way to meet people is to do what you are interested in and join groups involved in the interest, such as playing chess, horse back riding, scuba diving, reading books, travelling, cooking and if it really bothers you that you have trouble conversing with someone...I'm really bad at it too. A lot of people are really bad at it! All you have to do, though, is ask questions! One thing people love to talk about is themselves...so just ask questions, and look interested even if you aren't. However, I love to listen to people who are interesting, and everyone has something interesting about them...but do not expect to find interesting people at "parties" or bars. People who are at bars or parties are there because they can't think of anything else to do.

    Oh one other thing..we usually don't really have "Interests" that we want to get involved with all the time. They come and go. You are right we all need people and that sense of bonding. In this society it is usually our "family" that takes care of that need and it is often poorly taken care of. Our culture teaches us, and mainly women, that self-fulfillment comes through self involvement, but I think it is the total opposite. It comes from community. When your family doesn't take care of that need, if a person doesn't involve themselves with the community then it becomes a problem for the person. Unhappiness is a result. So you might want to look into volunteer programs or church if you are religious to foster a sense of communal bonding...and then you might meet your special someone. Trust me men won't hold your conversation issue against you.

    Last edited by prometheus; 05-29-2004 at 07:41 PM.

     
    Old 05-29-2004, 10:10 PM   #3
    DarthDooku
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    I know exactly how you feel. Im 23 and have put on a lot of weight in the past couple years. I also feel withdrawn at parties. For the parties, is there somebody you know there. Just ask them a couple stupid questions. The conversation may last 30 seconds, but the next time they see you, i bet they have something to say to you. Ive learned to just accept myself as a quiet person and dont worry about it so much. But sometimes, it feels really weird when your sitting there all by yourself. The thing is with me, i have a brother that i go out with, so theres always someone there that i know i can go stand next to or talk to.

    There was one time, we went to a bar because my brothers friend's band was playing. I noticed sitting by myself the whole time i felt really crappy. One of the guys came and sat next to me and was like hey whats up. It took me a while but i just started asking him questions, like, "So, you still going to school". I noticed that me taking just that small initiative made me feel 100% better. After that i was up and playing pool and feeling a lot better. I dont think it will ever be easy for the rest of my life.

    But one thing is losing the weight. Just make up your mind that you are going to do it. I was 330 pounds and have lost 30 in about 4 months. Thats pretty slow, but considering ive been gaining the past 4 years, it is a huge deal. Just in the past week i did really good on my diet and lost about 5 pounds. Im on a roll now and i think i can keep with it. All i can say is keep trying.

     
    Old 05-29-2004, 10:14 PM   #4
    DarthDooku
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    Oh yeah, a couple more things that might help lose weight. I got these meditation tapes. The first night i listened to them, it really helped the next day. I have also made a collage of photos of myself. I put two on of what i look like now at 300 pounds and two of when i used to weigh 160 pounds. I just look at it whenever i think of going to get something to eat. But dont just rely on these things. You have to get it in your head that your going to do it. Ive also noticed that exercising puts me in a better mood and gets me into a "normal" rythymn.

     
    Old 10-18-2006, 12:28 AM   #5
    Chatham24
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    Hi, I am a 25 year old female that has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I have the same problem when I am around a crowd of people. I usually find myself sitting by myself also. But I'm glad I can sit with myself in empty moments. I have also gained 50 pounds in 3 years. Its like overload when I actually go out. I will tell you not to worry about the weight. When you are ready to loose the weight you will. Hold your head up and remember that people dont know how you are feeling. I actually went to a party by myself and eventually met up with some people that I knew. Still I was very nervous to the point that my hands were sweaty and I was panicing on the inside. I hope this helps you out, you are not alone. - chatham24

     
    Old 10-18-2006, 08:42 AM   #6
    ozzmo
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    depends i suppose if your interested in what their talking about if , your not you tend to go off and find some other amusments, sometimes its nice to sit back and watch and listen, u dont always have to be a talker its good to recieve information.

    some people with a strong passion towards a givin topic can talk for ages, this is ok but if they come out with the same old stuff 24/7 then it can get quite boring, but then thats the secret behind charisma, let others talk about what their interested and try and poke more in to that topic their interested in, before u know it you will be the most popular person in the party, pull off a stunt as well, try not to do the things i did though even though it goes down in comic history ******* out of windows etc strip shoes, what not. sometimes u think im faking it i cant act like this but the majorty of the people their cant see that can they.

    best thing to do, is set ur self on somethink walk into the social scene and pull it off, research though get a good perspective of each person what do u think they like etc, some people might be amazed, and be trully entertained by ur antics while others could see u as being truly inferior and try to shrug you off.

    keep a sober mind it can be very easy to get on the alchaol drug fulled bandwagon at a party, but belive me , your socail powers would be muchly increased if your sober.

    dont be frightend to go to the party wearing a silly hat or doing a stupid dance.

    hey be your self.

    More importanly have a good time enjoy your self a party is their for every one.

    On a technical level if your suffering from schizophrenia depeding on how bad you our, could be a simple problem with information proccessing to much music, people etc. make shure theirs a room you can go in were theirs no one else.
    some way of going in and out of the party. i could be here all day.

    Renember, just becasue your suffering doest mean the party has to put on a good show.

     
    Old 10-23-2006, 05:27 PM   #7
    xxxzoexxx
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    Hey we are both called Zoe and both from Edinburgh! (just found that quite coincidental)

    Anyway I am not schizophrenic, but i do have depression and anxiety problems. I am very shy and also find it hard to speak to others at partys. I get anxious when i'm in groups of people. Sometimes my mind goes compleaty blank and i feel i have nothing to say. I have tried to change for a long time, but it's so hard.

    Basically i just wanted to remind you, you're not alone.

    Take care.

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 03:11 PM   #8
    makeworldgoaway
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    I think you are very brave to go to parties-I can't imagine doing that!!! I can barely go out, I don't do well around people at all-if I have to be there I can talk & survive, but I can't wait to get away.

     
    Old 10-25-2006, 03:52 PM   #9
    ozzmo
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    yeah i prefer going to parties were they have computer games going or somethink is being played on the tv.

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 05:54 PM   #10
    danaustin77
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    I was diagnosed six years ago, I'm 31, male and I live in the UK. I don't go to parties often, but I too find that when with people, that I know or don't know even I have nothing to say to them, my mind is completely empty, and I just stand there or sit there with nothing to say. I feel really self conscious sometimes, everyone else it talking and I'm not. I gradually disliked going round to my Mum's for dinner (she'd invite all the family along) and I just don't feel comfortable going round there anymore, as I just sit there like a piece of the furniture lol. I think it's my illness, sometimes I wonder though maybe it is I'm a quiet person, I don't know, but I'm way too quiet, often, I haven't even said a word throughout the meal. I get anxious around other people, people I don't know, I hate talking to people, I prefer just to listen, but for some reason I find it ok talking to one person at a time, that I can handle, and I can enjoy talking to someone, just not groups.

     
    Old 12-19-2006, 10:15 PM   #11
    hankm22
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    Re: Being schizophrenic at parties

    I am currently being treated for schizophrenia. I understand how you feel, I'm 24 and I have never been in a relationship before. I personally cannot imagine myself ever being in one. However, currently I am working with my therapist in developing social skills to develop a social network. My therapist is very good at teaching me to be normal, I look at it as a chore that must be done for me to get better. I have learned that the best way to engage people is either with questions about them--be careful not be to instrusive--then steer the conversation towards subjects that I enjoy. Here is a list of questions you can ask someone at the next party you are going to:

    "What kind of work do you do for a living?" Whatever they say, say "Oh that sounds very interesting"
    "Are you currently in school?" follow it up with "what are you studying if they do go to school," follow it up with "oh I always found school uninteresting growing up," if they do not go to school
    "How long have you known so and so..."
    "How did you meet so and so..."
    "Did you hear about the results of the latest [instert sport you may enjoy]"
    "I just recently heard this song that was great have you heard it?" and if they have follow it up with "what do you think about it?"

    Those are just some questions you can start with, each I have found leads the person to talk about other subjects. I enjoy mathematics, economics, literature, finance and art so I generally will tend to steer the conversation in those directions once the person is talking. Well, I hope this helps.

     
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