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    Old 04-07-2005, 05:34 PM   #1
    halfreality71
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    internal voices

    Whenever i heard voices, they are the "internal" kind. I dont hear them as if someone else is in the room with me. Instead it sounds like someone has implanted a speaker inside my ear/brain and i hear these voices shouting things that make no sense. Sometimes the voices sound like fairly normal people. Other times they sound raspy,monsterous, and like they are comming to get me. They get loud to a point that it sometimes hurts my brain.
    i also hear another kind of internal voice, but i dont know if this is considered "hearing voices" or more like what they call "thought incertion" It's like i have all these other thoughts inside my head, but they are the thoughts/voice of other people and i have no control over them. Usually it's hard to understand what they are saying because i usually hear about 3 of these voices at once and they talk really fast. Sometimes they say things like "DO IT!" "STOP!" "WHAT IF" or they say strange things that make no sense.
    ...i dont know very many other schizophrenics who have these internal voices. I've been hearing internal voices since i was about three years old. does anyone else hear voices like this?
    ...also, it seems that they are a lot louder and more severe when i am in a dark room by myself or getting ready to go to sleep.

    -becka

     
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    Old 04-07-2005, 06:02 PM   #2
    dave_81
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    Re: internal voices

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by halfreality71
    Whenever i heard voices, they are the "internal" kind. I dont hear them as if someone else is in the room with me. Instead it sounds like someone has implanted a speaker inside my ear/brain and i hear these voices shouting things that make no sense. Sometimes the voices sound like fairly normal people. Other times they sound raspy,monsterous, and like they are comming to get me. They get loud to a point that it sometimes hurts my brain.
    i also hear another kind of internal voice, but i dont know if this is considered "hearing voices" or more like what they call "thought incertion" It's like i have all these other thoughts inside my head, but they are the thoughts/voice of other people and i have no control over them. Usually it's hard to understand what they are saying because i usually hear about 3 of these voices at once and they talk really fast. Sometimes they say things like "DO IT!" "STOP!" "WHAT IF" or they say strange things that make no sense.
    ...i dont know very many other schizophrenics who have these internal voices. I've been hearing internal voices since i was about three years old. does anyone else hear voices like this?
    ...also, it seems that they are a lot louder and more severe when i am in a dark room by myself or getting ready to go to sleep.

    -becka
    Hi Becka:

    Although I haven't actually been diagnosed with schizophrenia yet (maybe I shouldn't really be posting on this board), I have been hearing voices for a while now (I'm seeing a psychiatrist currently). I too have been experiencing what you call "internal" voices -- ones that come from inside your own head, rather than from somewhere else in (e.g.) the room. I only seem to have one voice (can't tell whether it''s male or female) which just seems seems to whispher/mumble incomprehensible gibberish most of the time; but sometimes I can hear my name being called -- that's the scariest part. I'm just lucky (although 'luck' is a word I use very reluctantly in this regard) that my auditory hallucinations are relatively quiet (at the moment, at least); I can't imagine how scary it must be for you to have voices that shout at you. You must be very brave.

    I know exactly what you mean about the voices getting worse at night or when you're on your own and in a darkened room, etc. Like yours, my auditory hallucinations seem to get a lot worse at night, as I'm getting ready to go to bed. Not sure why, though -- I think it might have something to do with the fact that I'm more anxious when I'm alone and in the dark (bloody hell, I'm 23 years old!). Yes, things definitely seem to get worse when I'm anxoius/stressed/in the dark -- and especially just before I go to bed; it's gotten to the point now where I seriously dread going to bed.

    A lot of the time, for me, it's almost like I'm mis-hearing things. Like if I hear a loud noise, instead of hearing the noise itself, I'll hear my name being called over and over again. But when things become quiet again, the worst of it usually stops. Like I said, it's almost as though I'm not hearing voices as such, but just mis-interpreting sounds -- hearing my name instead of the noise of (e.g.) the car's engine. Does this sort of thing (seemingly mis-interpreting loud noises, etc.) happen to you?

    Anyway, you're not alone with the whole hearing voices thing (as lots of people one this board will tell you) -- I'm able to empathize with a lot of what you wrote. Hope this helps.

    Best,

    Dave_81

    Last edited by dave_81; 04-07-2005 at 08:39 PM.

     
    Old 04-08-2005, 12:57 PM   #3
    halfreality71
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    Re: internal voices

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dave_81
    Hi Becka:

    Although I haven't actually been diagnosed with schizophrenia yet (maybe I shouldn't really be posting on this board), I have been hearing voices for a while now (I'm seeing a psychiatrist currently). I too have been experiencing what you call "internal" voices -- ones that come from inside your own head, rather than from somewhere else in (e.g.) the room. I only seem to have one voice (can't tell whether it''s male or female) which just seems seems to whispher/mumble incomprehensible gibberish most of the time; but sometimes I can hear my name being called -- that's the scariest part. I'm just lucky (although 'luck' is a word I use very reluctantly in this regard) that my auditory hallucinations are relatively quiet (at the moment, at least); I can't imagine how scary it must be for you to have voices that shout at you. You must be very brave.

    I know exactly what you mean about the voices getting worse at night or when you're on your own and in a darkened room, etc. Like yours, my auditory hallucinations seem to get a lot worse at night, as I'm getting ready to go to bed. Not sure why, though -- I think it might have something to do with the fact that I'm more anxious when I'm alone and in the dark (bloody hell, I'm 23 years old!). Yes, things definitely seem to get worse when I'm anxoius/stressed/in the dark -- and especially just before I go to bed; it's gotten to the point now where I seriously dread going to bed.

    A lot of the time, for me, it's almost like I'm mis-hearing things. Like if I hear a loud noise, instead of hearing the noise itself, I'll hear my name being called over and over again. But when things become quiet again, the worst of it usually stops. Like I said, it's almost as though I'm not hearing voices as such, but just mis-interpreting sounds -- hearing my name instead of the noise of (e.g.) the car's engine. Does this sort of thing (seemingly mis-interpreting loud noises, etc.) happen to you?

    Anyway, you're not alone with the whole hearing voices thing (as lots of people one this board will tell you) -- I'm able to empathize with a lot of what you wrote. Hope this helps.

    Best,

    Dave_81
    hi dave-

    thanks for your response.
    My hallucinations definatly seem to get worse when i am under a lot of stree or having extream anxiety too. I've read that stress and anxiety can trigger a relapse in people with schizophrenia.

    I've also had some auditory hallucinations in which it's kind've like i am misinterpreting things. For example, i'll hear the humming of the heater and sometimes I start to hear mumbling/whispering voices within it. I've also had a few experiences of hearing mumbling and music in the other room, and it makes me think that the radio is on, so i'll walk out to go and check and it turns out that everything is quiet and the radio was never on.

    i dont know what it is that makes me hear voices more when im in the dark or getting ready to go to bed. I use to be real anxious at night and had panic attacks, but after getting on the right antidepressants, i dont really have those problems anymore. For some reason, i just hear the voices more at night.

    anyway, thanks, It makes me feel better to know that other people are dealing with this stuff.

    oh, i also wanted to ask...do you ever get really irritable/angry? especially when a lot of loud, confusing things are going on around you? This has been happening to me a lot lately, i think because of all the stress ive had.

    and dont worry about posting here. You have every right to post here even if you havn't been diagnosed. I myself started posting on these forums before i was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia



    -Becka

     
    Old 04-08-2005, 02:08 PM   #4
    dave_81
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    Re: internal voices

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by halfreality71
    hi dave-

    thanks for your response.
    My hallucinations definatly seem to get worse when i am under a lot of stree or having extream anxiety too. I've read that stress and anxiety can trigger a relapse in people with schizophrenia.

    I've also had some auditory hallucinations in which it's kind've like i am misinterpreting things. For example, i'll hear the humming of the heater and sometimes I start to hear mumbling/whispering voices within it. I've also had a few experiences of hearing mumbling and music in the other room, and it makes me think that the radio is on, so i'll walk out to go and check and it turns out that everything is quiet and the radio was never on.

    i dont know what it is that makes me hear voices more when im in the dark or getting ready to go to bed. I use to be real anxious at night and had panic attacks, but after getting on the right antidepressants, i dont really have those problems anymore. For some reason, i just hear the voices more at night.

    anyway, thanks, It makes me feel better to know that other people are dealing with this stuff.

    oh, i also wanted to ask...do you ever get really irritable/angry? especially when a lot of loud, confusing things are going on around you? This has been happening to me a lot lately, i think because of all the stress ive had.

    and dont worry about posting here. You have every right to post here even if you havn't been diagnosed. I myself started posting on these forums before i was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia



    -Becka
    Hi Becka:

    I have actually been getting very angry and irritable lately, for no apparent reason (well, apart from hearing voices and being depressed!) Although I haven't been getting angry/irritable because of being in a confusing/stressful situation. I've just been feeling irritable all the time -- like I'm gonna explode if a member of my family merely walks into my room or speaks to my -- not a good sign, methinks. I'm not sure what's causing it -- probably its just because I'm so terrified about what's happening to me at the moment.

    By the way, thanks for saying that you thought it was okay for me to post here. I've been posting here a lot lately (since I started experiencing these awful symptoms -- voices, etc.) and was worried that people were starting to get fed up with my constant questioning. It's just when you start experiencing things like this (and you can probably empathize with this) you (I) feel so completely alone and isolated -- this board really is the only place I can talk openly about what I'm experiencing.

    I wanted to ask you about a couple more things (if that's okay): I'm not sure if you're on anti-psychotic medication, but if you are, what is it like? Are you able to function on it? Also, I've read a lot on this board about peole's so-called 'positive' symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, etc.), but not musch about people's negative symptoms. I'm sure that I'm suffering from what is know as 'diminished self-affection' -- that awful feeling that you've lost your sense of self; that there no longer is an inner, unified nuclueus that is 'you' (I've also read someone describe it as 'losing the 'I'-ness of their experience', if that helps). It's as though I no longer coincide with something that is ineliminably a unified 'me' -- although I don't feel possessed (or identify myself with obejcts outside of myself -- I can tell where I end and other objects begin). Do you suffer from anything like this? And if so, do you know of anything (medication, therapy etc.) that can improve it? I've read a few articles that say schizophrenia should be thought of as a self-disorder -- a disorder which involes a profound alteration in one's perception/awareness of one's self as a substantial and unified entity (or something like that -- it's all a bit confusing!). This is exactly what I've been experiencing -- but most of the information I've read about schizophrenia seems to concentrate the on positive symptoms like hallucinations/dellusions; to me, however, these things are almost like secondary symptoms -- the alteration in my perception of myself being the main one.

    Sorry for rambling on a bit.

    Anyway, thanks for listening.

    Hope things aren't too bad with you.

    Best,

    Dave_81

    Last edited by dave_81; 04-08-2005 at 04:26 PM.

     
    Old 04-11-2005, 10:39 AM   #5
    pangea250
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    Re: internal voices

    I get the internal voices too, sometimes it's many incomprehensible voices, sometimes it's mostly one person who speaks very clearly :S It can be like having a roommate - in my mind 0_0

    And they do get worse when I'm going to bed, or bored. I heard that hallucinations are your brain going into REM sleep while you're awake, so I guess it makes sence for them to be worse in the dark or before bed... but then again I don't know if that's true, it's just what I heard :P

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 09:34 PM   #6
    halfreality71
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    Re: internal voices

    hi dave-

    sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I havn't been around to check this board as much as usual.

    anyway, there are anumber of meds that can help with the symptoms your having.
    The best ones to try first , i think, are Geodon or Abilify, because they have the lowest risk of side effects and dont cause weight gain. Risperdol, Zyprexa,and Seroquil are a couple others i can think of, but they usually have more side effects.
    I take Geodon, I dont have really very many side effects. The side effects i had went away after about 2 or 3 weeks of taking it. It works pretty well for taking away my positive symptoms, but i still have the negative ones.

    ..I think i might know kind;ve what you mean about the diminished sense of self. I always feel like i am in a dream and like i dont really know myself and im not really there. I always hear about the positive symptoms too (hearing voices,delusions and such) but the negative symptoms, and thought disruption seem to cause me more problems then the positive ones. I could probably go about fairly normally if my only symptoms were hearing voices occasionally and having some bodily illusions and stuff. The negative symptoms make it the worst. And the paranoid delusions too, because they keep me from going near people.

    have you been to a doctor yet?

    -Becka

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 07:21 AM   #7
    dave_81
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    Re: internal voices

    Hi Becka --

    Thanks for the reply.

    Yeah I'm seeing a psychiatrist at the moment. I haven't been diagnosed with schizophenia yet, but all of the symptoms I'm experiencing are consistent with it (hearing voices, diminished sense of self, depression/anxiety etc); although I'm not paranoid or delusional, and I don't have any trouble with my thoughts -- they do seem a bit slow, but I thinks that's just cause of the depression. If I wasn't experiencing this diminished (lost) sense of self, then I wouldn't be so sure that I was suffering from schizophrenia (I'd be inclined to think that I had psychitic depression, something like that); but I am, so I think I might have it. Although it could be schizoaffective disorder; I'm severely depressed and have been ever since my schiz-type symptoms started. I just wish the shrink would hurry up and give me a diagnosis; not knowing what's wrong is compounding my anxiety/depression!

    Thanks for the advice on the medication. So is it not helping with your paranoia? If I am schizophrenic, I really don't want a medication that's gonna make me put on a lot of weight -- but maybe that's unaviodable.

    I know what you mean about the negative sypmtoms. Mine started when I was 15 (I'm 23 now); my positive symptoms (voices) only started about a year ago. Like you, I could honestly put up with the auditory hallucinations -- they're mostly just irritating and annoying. It's the lost sense of self that really gets me down.

    Anyway, thanks for the reply.

    Best,

    Dave_81

    Last edited by dave_81; 04-15-2005 at 07:39 AM.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 02:45 PM   #8
    halfreality71
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    Re: internal voices

    hi dave-

    sorry, i meant to say that the Geodon does help a lot with the paranoia. In fact, when i was on a higher dose of geodon, i had just about no paranoid feelings. And also no hallucinations.
    I went down on the dose, because i actually felt weird without my symptoms--because i have had them all my life, so im paranoid again and having hallucinations again and all. I'm also on antidepressants (effexor and trazadone) so at least i am not depressed anymore.

    good luck with your doctor. I know what you mean about wanting a diagnosis. I wanted mine real bad too. I wanted to know what it was that was causing my symptoms. I had a psychiatrist once, who didn't want to give me a diagnosis. That bothered me. She said it wasn't necissary because she only needed to treat the symptoms. She seemed annoyed when i told her i wanted a diagnosis.

    -Becka

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 01:07 PM   #9
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    Re: internal voices

    I caught my schizophrenia early so I don't hear or see things that arent there. Dopamine is important to the brain I'm sure but too much of it can cause problems. I suggest having a med that decreases the dopamine slightly therefore leveling out your brain and balancing the way you register things.

    Yes i have heard like internal mumbling late at night when my brain is going into REM mode. It's kind of like it's processing all the stuff that happened during the day in my subconsiouse but I'm all to aware of it. It doesn't happen anymore>im on abilify...probably everyone on this board knows it by now but it has basically saved my life in my opinion. Then again I've decrease it to 10 mg and I am having more vivid dreams and I'm stilling doing pretty well. I have more energy. My side effects of abilify are poor concentration or just mental tiredness.

     
    Old 04-27-2005, 11:45 AM   #10
    dister
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    Re: internal voices

    I ve been reading on all these voices hallucinations / symptons
    I īm 56 and I grew up considering them normal, now that I īm
    seeing a Dr I know they appear not to be normal , I ve discussed with
    him arguing that these voices are external and that my mind
    " catches thoughts " and then translates it into voices, at
    the beginning they were bothering to a a point that I had to
    look for help , now I m beign treated with medicines and sort
    of helps, however those voices continue. My life is too compli-
    cated now and seems I have no time to analyze them , so I
    only manage to pay not too much attention and concentrate
    into what I really want

     
    Old 04-29-2005, 08:02 PM   #11
    yfguitarist
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    Re: internal voices

    I had those for the first time when I went to bed last night. It was like listening to my friends' thoughts. It was hard to understand what they were saying but I could make out some of the words, but they were random and didn't make sense. One phrase was a command to do something but I didn't understand what he meant. He repeated it. It was exciting. The first voice I heard took me by surprise and was addressed to me. I had to concentrate and strain to hear the rest of their "dialogue". At times I couldn't hear it so I tried to start them up again and bring them back, which worked a few times. I've had this happen to me a long time ago in the past a few times.

    Everything feels so unreal now. Like nothing matters. I feel like I'm going crazy.

     
    Old 04-30-2005, 07:53 PM   #12
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    Re: internal voices

    If you're talking to me, I don't take any drugs.

     
    Old 05-09-2005, 11:26 PM   #13
    MarkyS
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    Re: internal voices

    Ive read this thread with much interest having come across the site by typing internal voices in ******. This is going to be a long and very interesting post, so please bear with me.

    Firstly, Ive heard voices since the age of 16, however Ive not just heard them, Im in permanent thought interaction with them and have worked with them, or rather they have worked with me since I was sixteen. I hear them quite legibily and its been an unusual relationship over the years. I like some here have never been diagnosed schizophrenic and do not agree that I am schizophrenic, yet I do go through lots of similarities asscociated with the label of schizophrenia that doctors that dont hear voices have labled the condition.

    I`ll start from the beginning and hope that some of you gain some understanding out of this post as I have out of yours.

    When I was five years old conciously, I was a child just beginning to develop self awareness. I knew there was something different about me at that early tender age. I questioned reality frequently without fully understanding what exactly I was questioning but with thoughts that were deep and not what you would expect from a 5 year old. I`d pinch myself and analyse touch and the question the reality of touch. I was deeply curious. I felt different from other children at infant school, very different thoughtwise. I used to imagine regularly that I was the only real person in the world and that I was being put through some kind of "test" - that people in my viewpoint were there interacting with me as part of this test and that when they were out of earshot or viewpoint - they didnt really exist. As you see deep thoughts for a child of 5.

    As I got older feeling of being "different" became more apparrent, but not only from myself feeling different from other kids, other kids, I could see, reacted differently to me. Paranoia, you could say, but after reading my story, you might tend to think differently.

    During my younger years from around 7 onwards, I had quite a few strange experiences. I used to go into fugue`s - vivid states of conciousness, where I`d be kind of not really there for minutes. These were nice states and I could go into them with ease. One day, in this type of fugue, I was vividly staring into the metal sides of a gas fire and it all happened quite strangely - I saw cars smashing into each other - minutes later I was back in a normal state. The radio was on and a news update on the hour came on and there had been a serious car crash pileup on the M62 motorway. Could have been coincidence. Another time I was stood at a bus stop - the different busses would appear from the distance from up a hill and around a corner. I named the next bus number before it came around the corner, then the next, then the next and continued naming all the bus numbers before they appeared. A woman was astounded and said something to my mum about it.

    It could have looked at this point, like my feeling of being "different" could look like I had some developed psychic skills and whilst this in fact true enough, there is more asscociation with the label psychic and the label schizophrenic as you will learn.

    My life as of 13 took a strange turn of events, sister developed leukemia, mum and dad divorced, I ran away from home alot and eventually ended up in care. Mixing with the wrong people, I started to sniff glue.

    This was a facinating experience for me to experience being whisked off to a strange world where weird things would happen, similar to dreaming but far better and so vivid, like starring in a strange alternate reality movie. I continued sniffing glue from 13 to 16 regulary and at 16 I was moved from care into a flat of my own.

    It was whilst not on glue, that I heard the music for the first time. It was beautiful - harmonic - like angels singing in heaven. It seemed to be coming from outside and beyond the clouds somewhere. I heard this music a few times and my curiosity was captured ( and captured is what I became ) The music began to irritate me, because I was analystic, I wanted to know where it was coming from and I was puzzled that it seemed to be outside, but I couldnt determine it as a sound that should be there. One day I stuck my fingers in my ears to block it out and it was then I learnt the truth. It was coming from inside my head. I was amazed / curious / puzzled, so many thoughts and questions but I could not deny it was internal now.

    Again while not on glue, I`d stick my fingers in my ears at night ( interestingly - and there`s a possible explanation for more voice activity at night explained later ) - and eventually I started to hear the voices.

    It was like a party was going on inside my head, faint but audible, people talking to each other. With my fingers still in ears I began to make contact by saying hello and over the weeks I was being talked back to. I cant remember the conversations exactly but to most of my questions, they replied " Be happy with what you know now" I was to hear this phrase alot for some time to come. They`d sometimes tell me snipets of things that were going to happen - and they did happen. This had me hooked - it was their control, as I`d continually ask them things, so building up a constant interaction with them.

    I continued with glue sniffing, as I so enjoyed my adventures of the mind, however the format of hallucinating began to change. Normally I`d sniff and whisk off into some alternate situation/adventure for 15 minutes or so, but something was wrong - nothing was happening. In a nutshell the voices took over the format. I learnt it was them that were creating all these vivid hallucinations. They now would make me wait and speak and interact with me on glue. They tell me to relax - or tell me where they wanted me in the room for their created visual effect to be realised. They constantly interacted with me from then on, and then in my normal state off glue, I found that my conciousness had developed to be thinking internally in conversation with them all the time rather than thinking alone. Id not always understand what they said back as its hard to hear them when they want it to be hard. They / I developed another system because it was hard to hear them sometimes. They`d move my head up and down for yes side to side for no and a few other little signs. Most of the time it was "be happy with what you know now!"

    They continued working with me on glue till the age of 25. During the years they`d give me snippets of events that were about to happen, always to keep my curiosity enticed - control This made me think more deeply about clairvoyance, and that clairvoyants voices were exactly the same thing only the person was being used in a different way.

    Within their work with me, over the years, I began to learn more about multiple personality. They would "interface" a different persona in me and they would call it a "changeover" To try to explain it as Ive learnt - we all tend to look at ourselves as human beings 5ft 6 inches or however tall - in reality we are a minute being / cell / persona interfaced with the main computer being our brain. As the brain is a computer, when a "changeover" occurs or a change in mood / persona - a different being / cell is then interfaced as the main body - the brain carries on as normal, so we still think we are the same us because the brain tells us this.

    They experimented with me over the years interfacing and allowing me to analyse the "changeovers" Id begin to notice the subtle difference in the change - and they`d comment on this as I began to understand what was happening. They`d interface sometimes really horrible things and my brain would feel pressure and it would be hard to think properly.

    Id also notice with changeovers that people would react differently to me. I began to notice when a "bad feeling" pressure type persona was in me, people would cough as I walked past. Treat me a bit more nastily. began to think it was paranoia but as time developed I began to learn there was more too it than paranoia. I was made to learn that it was like a camera flash captures red-eye in a photo - others subconscious could see something in your eyes when a something bad was interfaced. This went on for a few years as they continued working on me with different personas. The coughin from people - that knowing look - that different reaction was far too coincidental to be paranoia, but sometimes they`d interface the bad type for long periods and then a good type and people would treat me great - sometimes it was like I was a star that everyone knew who this hallucinaut was - a term the voices created. This is the famous guy whose being controlled but is learnin about the "real us" inside humans.

    They`d experiment alot with shock treatment at nights, always when I was in bed. Most of the time the shock was sort of nice and they tell me when to expect it. Is it a coincidence that psychiatrists use or used to use shock treatment on people labelled with schizophrenia??? The shocks became more and more constant and are still a nightly thing today, but became less nice an experience.

    continued next post:

     
    Old 05-09-2005, 11:28 PM   #14
    MarkyS
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    Re: internal voices

    They experimented once I remember on my legs and lower back. For a few weeks I began to eperience undescribable pain, real intense in the base of my spine - like a needle being pushed into the spinal chord - a week later my left leg inside the bone. Pain that made me scream inside. Then my right leg.

    About a week later I was in the shed on one of our glue nights. They would appear as humans I knew, but red images mainly. Friends, family, people that were in my life at that time to make me comfortable. They gave me an hallucination of being in the back of a rally car, I could feel the grit hitting the sides of the car as it went forward - a famous tv presenter was at the wheel. He turned - gave a nasty grin and then drove backwards at speed. The next thing we were going backwards over a cliff. Obviously my heart rate is erratic due to the realism, but a red face appeared of my aunty and said calm down, your okay and I then was able to enjoy the effect. Thus was the kind of interactive relationship with hallucinations. They wanted me to learn also. Then came the hallucination that was to, I feel explain the experimentation on my back and legs.

    I was stood there, was directed/told to hold onto a beam of the garden shed. I could then see I was like in something similar to a cable car with see through walls stood among people off the tv. Next the shed began to take off. It was an incredible experience and it flew over the gardens of my home before coming into land. It was the landing effect that was interesting in that my legs felt weighted as if they had been altered to fully experience the feeling of the smooth landing. For the next three days - not on glue at times whilst sat in the bedroom I was given that similar feeling of flying off again, it was great.

    Ive been injected at high speed into an eyeball - my eyes have been turned to glass, shattered and the shards gone down the back of my throat with real feeling. Ive had little men down near my throat shove paint rollers up and emulsion the inside of my eyes, waited for it to dry then sprayed the paint off so I could see again. Just to name but a few of the many thousands of experiences with these voices. But all the hallucinations whilst have been good or bad, have all had some underlying experiment to them for the voices.

    During my times when I was interfaced with something that felt bad and felt under alot of brain pressure - I began to threaten them and fight back. I hated the pressure - it hurt my brain and was hard to think, and people were being nasty. I eventually went to see a psychiatrist. They told me I was going to get nowhere, they were controlling things. I knew that they were controlling things / other humans but thought there was a chance to try stop them. I recall going into the hospital. I was made to notice two cars in the car park parked next to each other. It was odd that these two stood out. The last three things on the number plate on one were, YOO and the last three on the second car was WUS - you wuss? Had those cars been parked together purposely or is that paranoia???

    The voices were right, the psychatrist was sympathetic, didnt diagnose me as schizophrenic but did give me tablets that didnt do anything to help.

    So the voices were then able to continue experimenting with me.

    Like the cars parked together with YOO WUS - They told me someone was coming at 1`oclock. 1oclock in the afternoon came no-one came - alot of "future" things with the voices was lies and only very less frequently correct.
    I considered them to be lying. I was sleeping in the garden shed at the time as there was bed in there electric lamp / heater, as relatives were staying. I went out to the shed to get my head down. Turned the steel bar I`d rigged to stop the door being opened. Just as I was getting undressed, I sensed the door moving slightly. I went to the door and could see fingers trying to open the shed door. I quietly grabbed a table leg ( baseball bat protection ) and slowly turned the bar and kicked the door open. Two lads trying to break into the shed got a shock of there lives as I come out after them. They got away. I went back to the shed - looked at the clock on the bedside cabinet. 1.01am it showed. The voices had been right - they said someone would come at 1 o`clock. Now lets look at this. Either they are predicting the future or they a predicting a future that is being controlled to occur. As an analyst over the years with them Ive learnt that people are controlled. Events are controlled to occur.

    Theyve told me lots of things over the years prior to them happening and alot of lies - its all experiment with them but making me learn in the process.

    I eventually contacted an agony aunt in a local paper to see if others were experiencing things like me as life had become real hard coping with all what I was learning. She was intrigued and came to my house. She and her husband asked me if I could tell them something that was going to happen soon and I explained that there was going to be an earthquake somewhere in aisia - ( The voices had given me a red flash experience ) she asked how many it would kill - judging by the feel of the experience Id had, I said about 800 possibly more. Her husband was skeptic however 2 month later a big earthquake hit south east nepal killing approximately 1000 people.

    I contacted her again after Id experienced a dream where a cartoon bomb came whizzing down - the atmosphere changed to eerie still and just as the bomb was about to hit me - it went slow motion and stopped just above my head. Two month later an IRA bomb parked in exactly the same spot the bomb nearly hit me, exploded destroying a large part of the Manchester Center - fortunately not killing anyone. But it goes to show there is eveidence to suggest these voices know AND control events.

     
    Old 05-09-2005, 11:29 PM   #15
    MarkyS
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    Re: internal voices

    There is a conscious level and a subconscious level, and I believe they are communicating with other humans internal voices at the subconcious level. Maybe like dolphins and sonar. They can manipulate people / thoughts therefore control events to occur. They use changeover personas in us all and we are oblivious because our brain tells us we are the same person at all times. Its all to do with programming and manipulation. Imagine during waking hours all the data that is travelling through the airwaves - tv - radio - microwaves and so on. Most humans in your vicinity are awake and that adds to all the communication going on. At Night Time, alot of people in you vicinity are going to sleep so there is that less amount of communication that is going on. This gives me the theory of why voices become more active at night for people labled with schizophrenia.

    Some People think they have been abducted by aliens, what a great illusion to create for the voices that would give a good excuse for the feeling of being experimented upon physically?

    People are experimented upon mentally. The label thats given? Schizophrenia.
    Paranoia - dementia - all other kinds of convenient labels.

    Now it would I that would be labeled with this word schizophrenia by a psychiatrist, but there has been so so much to my life and my time with these voices and so much learning that defys what doctors are lead to believe. They call voices audible hallucinations. Hallucination is an experience that is NOT REAL. Unfortunately these voices are real and are in us all or are us all, they are us maybe - thats for some intelligent doctor to one day learn.

    I am quite happy to say that I myself suffer the same and similar things people labled as schizophrenic go through, but I feel Ive been given more insight and learning due to the way they have worked with me. Its nice to know that some of you who do hear them, get help from the drugs. Unfortunately for me, doors have a "coincidental" way of being slammed in my face in many situations and life is totally controlled / manipulated to their way.

    I dont know the reason Ive been through, and still am going through all this, and am only given clues. Hitler / Pandoras box / coughing, maybe links to disease. Im being told things cryptically all the time by other people without even them knowing it. I get on a bus for instance and a kid shouted my second name - talking about some other kid with the same name. Just their kid persona "showing off" that I recognise they are communicating to me. People will go zich heil regulary around me - or mention Hitler in some context.
    Too many many times for it to be mere coincidence or the psychiatric term "paranoia"

    I live my life with this quite normally as I can do in a situation like this. I work as normal, go out do normal things like others, but am not "allowed" to be like others, have proper relationships like you see with unlabled people. People will always act different - their personas will always show off to communicate with me through a concious being. People will always react warily with me or will act sympathetic as if they somehow know whats being done to me but they cant do anything to help for fear of themselves being put through something bad. Like the camera picking up red-eye in a photo - I "see" things in peoples eyes, making me a person who makes eye contact less, as you tend to learn that people lie and you can so easily see it in their eyes.

    All this communication going on, its incredible and at an awsome scale psychiatrists could just not cope themselves the reality of this I feel.

    I suspect one day I`ll learn alot more of why my life has been like this and why Ive been made more aware with the voices of the things they do in people. I`ll leave my partial personal life with the voices ( there is just so so much to what they have done in so many few years ) with this example of what I`ll remember as one of the fonder times they showed me their communication through others that are unaware consciously.

    I was working opposite a girl I`d become quite attached too. She liked me and had used her car breaking down as an excuse for me to give her a push and she`d give me a lift home. She was having problems with her husband and I sensed she really liked me. She`d come to my flat at weekends for a brew and good chin-wag. She felt she could talk to me ( many people do - as I listen / analyse similar to a psychiatrist ) - I was working opposite her as I stated and she started to rub her stomach one day. It was clear just by looking at her, she was conciously oblivious to doing this. I was suddenly overwhelmed - its hard to describe how it hit me, but it wasnt audible, I just knew she was pregnant. Id been told by her that she was pregnant. Told by her persona / voices / moving her hand to her stomach. Communication Ive seen so so many times in various guises. Surley enough, it was a few week later, she was round at my flat for a brew and she`d found out that morning she was pregnant. I pretended to be shocked, but was obviously more shocked at the conformation of what Id been told through her, without her knowledge a few weeks ago.

    Lastly - I`ll say I feel sad for people labelled with schizophrenia, as they are lead to believe what they are going through is not real when in fact it is a very very real thing. I feel sad because I know and have experienced so many of the aspects that labelled people go through - the confusion, the pain, thoughts that dont seem to be right, personas that dont seem right, the pressure the brain goes through and so many more aspects.

    My thoughts are with you all and hope that you all get relief from this that is needed and deserved. I hope also that from just the certain aspects of my experience with voices so far that there is something that is going on that isnt right and answers unlike what psychiatrists believe, should be sought.

    Dave Becka and others - good luck to you with this

     
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