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too many conflicting thoughts.

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Old 12-28-2005, 06:56 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 3
benny84 HB User
what have i done.

hello there,

I'll start from the bottom.
The episodes started when i realized that i lost trust and with my peers and close family at the ripe age of 19.
This eventually led to the break down of a beautiful relationship. I started accussing my partner of cheating with my friends and would be quite insultive-i look back at what i said and cant believe the distgusting words that came out of mouth.
i even accused her of drug dealing???
I know now that i created this ******** because i felt so empty and confused and just wnted to get some form of attention. I love this girl so much and put her through hell for quite some time and she stuck by me
I want our beautiful relationship back because i believe we are soulmates but i am scared that i will become abusive and distrustful towards her. It hurts me to realize i must of hurt her so much for her to end the relationship.
I refuse to take PM so am using herbs and natural remidies. i dont know exactly what to do. i guess i can only hope on her forgivness at a min.
Im not sure if i am bpd or bi-pol but my behavior is not what i believe in and quite unusual. my mood swings and change in character is unerving and worrying.
Any advice would be of value and appreciated.

Last edited by benny84; 12-30-2005 at 01:35 AM.

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Old 12-30-2005, 10:57 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 41
sals05 HB User
Re: too many conflicting thoughts.

Hi Benny. If I'm understanding you correctly there are two problems you're experiencing. The first is that you're experiencing mood swings, perhaps a little paranoia and impulsive behavior but you haven't been diagnosed so you're not taking any prescription meds, just herbal remedies. Do I have that right? If so, are you currently seeing a psychiatrist?

The second problem is that your suspected illness has created a divide between you and your girlfriend and she has left the relationship because of it, but you want to get back together with her.

My advice is to take one step at a time and get yourself to the doctor. I can understand not wanting to take prescription meds, but sometimes herbal remedies are not sufficient to control severe mood swings. At the very least it's something you need to discuss with a doctor. In the meantime, talk with your ex about your feelings and desire to help and change yourself. Take it slow and easy and be her friend, (assuming she still has an interest). Perhaps over time you two can work things out.

If she's not interested in communicating with you, then you will have to accept that and move on. It may be painful, but you'll get through it. Take care of yourself first, though, before you focus too much on outside relationships.

I wish you all the best.

Old 01-11-2006, 11:26 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Dover Tennessee
Posts: 605
emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: too many conflicting thoughts.

I agree with the last post a great deal. I tend to think that perhaps you might be Borderline Personality though I can't say that for positive not a doc or anything. BPD have issues with so many things and you hit upon several of them. I agree and hope that you help yourself first then worry about relationships later.

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