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  • I am so paranoid. Please help.

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    Old 05-21-2007, 06:06 PM   #1
    YouKnowImNoGood
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    I am so paranoid. Please help.

    I'm only asking that if you read this, please do not be too harmful in your judgements. I haven't told anyone in real life about this because I'm too scared of what they will say.

    I know that this isn't a normal way of thinking...

    I honestly think that during the day I am one person and that at night, when I go to sleep, I am still the same person but I do things that I would never do during the day. I think that I contact people, that I go out, that I do other things but I can't stop myself from doing these things because I'm asleep. This causes me so much anxiety. Before I go to sleep, I will place things in a certain order around the house so that the next day, I can see if I moved them or not so I can see what I was doing.

    I know how weird this sounds, believe me. I'm always really paranoid. I think that the police are following me because of threats I might have made while asleep. Even before this whole thing started, I would always think that I was in trouble with the law somehow or that they were watching my moves. I think that other people know about this but just haven't told me for fear of setting me off. It's led me to isolate myself from others because I feel like I can't face anyone anymore. I'm so ashamed. I know this sounds crazy. I'm only 21 and I'm so scared. I'm afraid to tell my parents about this but I don't know what to do. I want to be locked in my room at night, so I don't have to worry about this anymore. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to go to sleep. I took two ritalin the other night so I wouldn't fall asleep.

    I know that this isn't normal, but what is this??? I don't understand. I hate this.

    Last edited by YouKnowImNoGood; 05-21-2007 at 06:08 PM.

     
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    Old 05-21-2007, 10:35 PM   #2
    SuchGreatHeight
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    It has some Schizotypy sounds to it (aka paranoia), but with just this it sounds like a "specific phobia". following in the anxiety hole.

    do you have any other paranoid thoughts that are not related to your fear of sleep episodes?

    p.s this isn't so weird, and is nothing to be ashamed or emberassed of. and also, it sounds as if it is effecting your life severely, and with that you need to tell a trusted parent/counselor/teacher.

    SGH

     
    Old 05-21-2007, 11:12 PM   #3
    YouKnowImNoGood
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    SGH,

    Thank you so much for your reply. I honestly appreciate it.

    Well, I will go into a bit more detail.

    I don't know why, but I honestly believe that during the day I do things that I block from my memory, like my memories are taken so I'm constantly scared that someone will tell me something really embarrassing that I've done which I don't even know about or something really stupid that I've done. I'm so afraid of the days and nights. I think everyone is out to get me and enjoys seeing me suffer. I think people are plotting against me. I constantly think that the cops are looking for me and every time our phone rings at home, I think it's about me. It's seriously debilitating. Whenever I drive and someone is behind me for a bit of the way, I think they're following me and maybe I know them. I feel like everyone knows everything about me and I can't stand it. One of my greatest fears is to be charged with a crime to which I'm innocent. I have seen visions before but rarely. They happen at night and are of faces forming and they look like they're going to talk to me. It's only happened a few times.

    I think that my day is divided in two; during the day, I am more aware of what's going on, even though I still suspect that my memories are being taken, but during the night, I am still awake even when I'm asleep.

    Tonight I really couldn't sleep so I just drove around. I hate these feelings. I don't know what to do about them. I know I can't keep carrying on this way, but I really don't know what to do. I've honestly thought is this life worth it. I don't know. I can't stand living another day like this. I don't know why I feel this way. My heart is so heavy. I called the psychiatrists office in town earlier today but they have no appointments available until mid-late June. I can't wait this long! I've told my parents that I need to go in and talk to someone but they don't understand how serious this is...they do not know what I see and experience. I honestly just feel sick every second of the day and I'm isolating myself from people because I'm scared. I don't mean to sound like I'm crazy, but this has really been eating away at me. I just want to go in and talk to someone but nowhere around me has any appointments available until late. I can't wait around so long. I would put myself in a hospital but I feel like everyone would find out about it and then would think that I was crazy.

    Last edited by YouKnowImNoGood; 05-21-2007 at 11:26 PM.

     
    Old 05-22-2007, 12:27 AM   #4
    SuchGreatHeight
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    Thank yu for the extra details

    But for one, you're not crazy. Don't be emberassed or shamed to talk to anyone. Okay, so there are no appointments until months away. Make an appointment. Then, go to the nearest clinic, counselor or hospital and tell them exactly what you told me here. Do not be afraid to go to a hospital! A hospital doesn't mean you are crazy, or weird, or weak. A hospital is a symbol of good and helpful psychiatric care. It does not matter if another finds out, and it does not matter what other people will say or think.

    Again, from what I heard you talk about paranoia. Which makes me think "Paranoid Personality Disorder". But I am definitely not a doctor.

    Do you see things, feel things on your skin or hear things that are not there? Does your mood feel flat and unmotivated? Do you have trouble organizing and processing thoughts? Do you have trouble paying attention and concentrating? Do you do all these things when not paranoid? Or only when paranoid? All these questions are what you need to ask yourself.

    For one thing, you are extremely aware of what you do and how you act. And although during paranoia, you think it's real, you can look back on it with logial eyes and realize its just paranoia. This is a very good sign. A sign that shows there is no psychotic tendencies, or the main sign of Schizophrenia (lack of awareness).


    No, you can't live like this. Yes, you do need help. Find it where you can, before you feel to end it yourself or feel to medicate yourself.



    SGH

     
    Old 05-22-2007, 11:02 AM   #5
    YouKnowImNoGood
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    Thanks. I think I'm going to check myself into a hospital tonight. I really can't do this anymore. What do I say once I get there? Do I go to an emergency place??

    Last edited by YouKnowImNoGood; 05-22-2007 at 11:02 AM.

     
    Old 05-22-2007, 11:15 AM   #6
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    I second suchgreatheight's opinion....one bit of advice: families are made and built upon trust, and what makes them work is to be open and share our good and bad moments. In my worst crises, it was my parents that helped me out. I can't imagine what I went through without the care and concern of my parents.

     
    Old 05-22-2007, 11:50 PM   #7
    SuchGreatHeight
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    The easiest way is to go to an emergency room and tell the doctor you are paranoid, and afraid you will hurt yourself or another. You may also go straight to the psychiatric clinic, if felt needed they will take you in or show you where to go.

    I also agree with guru, that families can be the strongest support system. Even if they don't understand completely, you still have them as support.

    Godluck to you, and don't be afraid.


    SGH

     
    Old 05-23-2007, 05:06 AM   #8
    Lonely810810
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    SGH, I have all of the things or questions you mentioned in a few posts ago....I HATE the bugs crawling on my legs and neck I can't stop them I told my DR. about them and they are still there...I see bugs and black shadows crawling on the wall,my concentration level is nil,let's not get started about motivation.Anyway I just started the med trileptal I have taken it before and I Know why I stopped taking it because I eat so much all the time.I just lost weight and now I'm gaining it back.I knowthe meds don't bend my elbow but it sure works up my appetite.Well I am on a shot but I can still fell the bugs crawl on my skin the bugs on the wall have came to a minimum.I still see them but not every 5 secs like before.Well I just wanted to say that and wish our other friend on here good luck at the hospital The way you feel when you leave is usually pretty good but if you don't keep with counseling that feeling soon fades.Alright see ya guys.

     
    Old 05-23-2007, 10:19 PM   #9
    SuchGreatHeight
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    Re: I am so paranoid. Please help.

    Lonely,

    For one, Trileptal is a mood stabilizer, not an antipsychotic. So that med will help little to none when it comes to any kind of hallucination.

    I'd talk to you doctor about a med change, and would discuss your symptoms more vividly. Let him know what is really going on, try to get him to understand what you are feeling and seeing.

    As for the concentration and motivation, these are negative symptoms. No psychotropic in the world can help these symptoms. What drug helps negetive symptoms the most? Nicotine. One of my old doctors actually tried to convince me to start smoking.


    SGH

     
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