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-   -   here's an actual experience with schizophrenia. No holds barred (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/schizophrenia/624569-heres-actual-experience-schizophrenia-no-holds-barred.html)

temperature1 08-09-2008 05:28 AM

here's an actual experience with schizophrenia.
 
I heard voices commenting on my life for a while before I went totally psychotic. I would usually hear them in the context of conversations people are having around me. Usually they would occur in the library as I was studying. They would laugh at me, comment on what notes I'm taking etc. I always thought they were real people just coincidentally talking about what I was doing in a conversation that was almost always strangely out of my view and nowhere to be found actually. Sometimes I would hear voices in a place with no people. Usually it was a conversation and often a female voice. I believed I may have been schizophrenic for a while before I became floridly psychotic. Helicopters would fly by often, everywhere I went at odd times making me think I was being watched. I soon started hearing people talk about me on the radio. The sirius satellite radio I had would answer my thoughts with songs and song titles (I thought sirius was in on a government conspiracy to arrest me) then one night before I went on vacation all hell broke loose. I listened to a cd, this voice in my ear commented on the song I heard. I cursed, it repeated my curse. I turned on the radio hoping to find something that would comfort me but all I heard was every station laughing at me, threatening me personally, saying I was poisoned by the water I drank that afternoon. I thought I was dying. I went downstairs to find the antidote to the poison I drank ended up eating a hell of a lot of garlic and pickle juice and pacing around. I heard the voices saying he thinks he's dying, that's so sad. I was like what? I'm not? Did I outsmart them or am I being tricked? Then I turned on the radio again to see what happened. The sun rose (I hadn't slept a wink that night). I was getting ready to go on vacation I pretended to my father that all was well, not one person knew what I was going through, no one even thought me strange. Throughout the country people everywhere were watching tv programs where they were talking about me. People were like government agents commenting on my every thought and mood. I thought at this point wow! The government must be god like. That night when I arrived at my hotel I heard voices in the rooms next to me commenting on my evil acts and what I've done throughout my life and what I had said in the past. I thought it was only a matter of time before I'd be arrested. The morning after I woke up very scared. I told my father I needed a high powered lawyer, writing it down with my eyes closed because I was cconvinced whatever it was could see what I see. He wondered what I was talking about. I was alone in the room for a while and suddenly the misery lifted, I realized the people doing this to me were benevolent and were trying to cure me of a personal problem. I smiled and beamed for a while. But all was not good. I was later to find out "I am" the antichrist. I saw a program on jetblue about him and realized that was why God did all this (over time I realized this scenario I was in could only be God, and wasn't really a government plot, so I thought to myself, why is God revealing himself to me, I must be someone spoken of in scripture).
So over time, themes spoken of in the program were applied to me by my siblings, my parents and by television and whispers and small voices I heard. I have more to say but I think you got the point. I just thought I could add to the discussion by giving you my actual psychotic experience.

added 8/12/08: By the way I recovered rather nearly completely, though I am not sure I won't fall again. I believe this was an acute psychotic attack that was resolved through adopting a bs filter approach to what I was experiencing but I also credit prayer. Medications, while important probably did nothing much for me I vomit all the time because of the abilify and for a while (a year) no results were seen.

temperature1 08-09-2008 05:29 AM

Re: here's an actual experience with schizophrenia.
 
I was meaning this post to reply to a message on another message board. I am referring to the video by jannsen pharmaceuticals that displays a schizophrenic experience. Please grookle (you know the really big number10^100) it.


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