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They came back...

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Old 04-30-2013, 06:53 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
Untreated HB User
They came back...

I know my user name is Untreated but i have been plenty treated for schizophrenia. I went a few years of not having symptoms and my psychiatrist thought it was a good idea to get off Haldol. He said it was a barbaric medication and was afraid i would get tardiv diskanisia(can't spell it)..Well, One month after the discontinuation of the Haldol i had a breakthrough symptom. I have been hearing and seeing things ever since. Its been almost a year of terror in my life. It took me 3 months to tell my psychiatrist that they were back. And when i finally did, we tried numerous medications and plenty of mg increases to get rid of them. Nothing worked. In the beginning of this month he put me back on the Haldol IM and another second generation Med(Fanapt) i'd say its been about 11 days of stability. It feels good but i am still devistated. I created a whole new set of false beliefs, and alot of new information has been learned (from the voices). I try not to think about it but i live my days with constant tension. Afraid of what i say out loud, in my head, think, do , see, feel..because i think it will trigger them to come back. I wake up everyday take a shower, put nice cloths on, shave, and non of my friends ever noticed what i've been going through for the past year. When i break the news to someone they just don't believe me or think i'm making a big thing out of something small. They don't understand. I am changing psychiatrist in 2 weeks, cause when i go to see him, he always says, you look fine, some people don't leave there house, and i'm tired of hearing it. Its not always about the negative symptoms, i've been in hell for a year and i'm doing everything i can i find the right person to help me. I am grateful for everyone just need someone new. Can anyone relate?

Last edited by Untreated; 04-30-2013 at 06:54 PM.

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Old 05-21-2013, 09:26 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: sacramento, CA USA
Posts: 53
soapandstars HB Usersoapandstars HB User
Re: They came back...

for me, it seems that people have trouble understanding what we are going through. either they assume the worst and stigmatized and abandon, or they don't believe that i'm actually suffering so much and think i'm making a big deal out of things. but i promise, i understand how hard it is. just because you're not in the worst possible situation doesn't mean you aren't suffering. getting up and out of the house is not the only thing you need to build a happy life. others have to see that.

i've been on haldol and thorazine at times, and still take it as an emergency med when nothing else works. i know the risks but frankly, i'd rather have tardive dyskenesia than live in a world of delusions and terror. people who haven't gone through what we've gone through don't understand that choice.

resurgence of symptoms can be devastating, and it would be minimizing to say that they are just bumps in the road. but know you can get better. i've fluxuated a lot over the past years, but it has improved and i've finally found meds that work (for the most part.) please have hope and let me know if there's anything i can do. you are not alone, and you deserve a reprieve.

Last edited by soapandstars; 05-21-2013 at 09:27 PM. Reason: typo

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