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  • On the verge of cracking

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    Old 10-29-2013, 11:35 AM   #1
    aluver101's Avatar
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    On the verge of cracking

    I started hearing voices/intrusive thoughts when I was 10 years old. I had terrible thoughts. To experience those kind of voices at a young age was terrifying. The voices left and didn't resurface until several years later. When I entered high school I became depressed, and just all around self-conscious. I had no friends and everybody bullied me. I was taunted and called several names. Due to my peers calling me names I believed I was ugly all through my teenage years. I had no self-confidence in my own skin.

    Around that time I started hearing voices again. It was terrible. I was distraught and just down. Due to my voices coming back I checked into a mental hospital. I ended up meeting my first boyfriend and falling in love. He broke my heart several weeks after. After leaving the hospital I realized I had to give my life over to God and to keep it all in his hands. So one day I got down on my knees and prayed to God asking him to make me life better and I left everything in his hands. I was 17 then. From that day on my voices and mental instability left for several years. I became a more confident, outgoing, happy girl. I made friends, got a job, graduated from high school, met my first serious bf. Fell in love and broke up a year later.

    I thought things were getting better but I was wrong. After breaking up with my first serious boyfriend my mental issues came back. The voices came and started again. Today I'm 20 years old, and I'm suffering from voices and intrusive thoughts more then ever. It's worse as ever. Now I'am having thoughts <that are> really bringing me down. I can't take it. I feel like a horrible person and I feel like I'm gonna have to pay for what I think about. It's terrible and I'm suffering greatly. I just wanna have a normal life free od voices and intrusive thoughts. It's going to ruin my current relationsip, my friendships, and college education what should I do?

    Last edited by Administrator; 10-30-2013 at 12:45 AM.

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    Old 12-09-2013, 06:08 PM   #2
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    Re: On the verge of cracking

    Calm down. I sugest dropping the religion thing as with my experience when I started becoming schizo I became deeply religious and the bible started making sense to me. After I woke up from my psychosis I saw that religion is written by people in our same situation, their also mentally ill. I dropped that book and stopped listening to the voices and animals that I thought where real talking to me. Ignore bad things, this illness is basicly you mind trying to mess with you after all the pain you suffered in the past. Be strong, watch "A beautiful mind" and see that youll never get rid of your illness but you will be able to control it as long as you ignore the voices. BTW

    Old 12-21-2013, 12:12 AM   #3
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    Re: On the verge of cracking


    Your story sounds very traumatic particularly since you started hearing voices at such an early age. I know how energy sapping and demoralising the voices can be. They come from outside of space and time to cajole and distract.

    In your case, however, you have proven that you can function well as a confident, happy young person. With time and the right medication this state of being will return.

    I think that, due to the auditory hallucinations, you do need to see a psychiatrist. They will prescribe appropriate medication to control your symptoms and the voices may disappear leaving you to control your life and succeed once more.

    Good luck.

    Old 12-30-2013, 06:54 PM   #4
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    Re: On the verge of cracking

    mental illnesses are just as real and valid as any physical ailment. if someone got cancer, would that make them a bad person? of course it wouldn't. psychiatric conditions, like schizophrenia, are the same thing. no one gets them because they are bad or lazy or did something wrong. they are people who suffer and deserve relief. you are not a horrible person! i promise.

    these things fluxuate. sometimes illnesses can go into complete remission but we still have them, and that means sometimes they can return. try to talk to a professional and consider the option of medication. in the meantime, take good care of yourself and remember that you are worthy of health and happiness too. i know that when you've been bullied your whole life and suffer intrusive thoughts it's hard to feel like you deserve a good life, but yo do. good luck!

    Old 01-03-2014, 10:44 AM   #5
    Kimesie's Avatar
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    Re: On the verge of cracking

    When my son was very ill I kept praying that God would use it for good and now that I have found out how to help my son I am trying to share what I have learned with others so that good can come out of his illness. If you look at my post in the recent niacin thread you will see our story and what we are doing about it.

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