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  • I think I need help

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    Old 04-03-2008, 03:07 PM   #76
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    Re: I think I need help

    Honestly, I don't really remember why she was yelling at me. It's kind of funny that she was standing there screaming for so long, and those were the only three words that I was able to pull out of it. And I think, I know, you're right. If I'm able to avoid my parents as much as possible, then the less control they have on my life. I don't really feel like a person in my own life...I feel conditioned, like I'm just some clone living under their influences.

    Awwww, that's great! I don't have any pets. We found two kittens in our backyard once, but Dad freaked out and was going to call pet control or something, but then they disappeared. Dad doesn't like animals; once there was a bunny in our driveway and he stepped on the gas and tried to run it over, but it leapt onto the lawn in time.

    Honestly, I'm kind of hoping that he'll want me back, but I know it's better for the both of us if we stay apart. We didn't speak today, but he was right in front of me as I was walking out of school. He turned to the right to go into the courtyard, and he saw me. His eyes widened and he looked surprised, but I kept my eyes locked dead and center, and I didn't look at him. He might have been surprised because I was wearing my hair in a ponytail (and I haven't won a ponytail in my hair since second grade, no lie) so the fact that I'm starting to wear ponytails is kinda big for me.

    I don't know. Not cutting doesn't really give me a feeling of control or strength. I still feel guilty if I don't do it, and I haven't done it for...two weeks to this day. So I don't know, I just feel very...undeserving at the moment. I could easily pick up a scissor and start cutting, but right now I feel simply apathetic to do so.

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    Old 04-04-2008, 07:57 PM   #77
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    Re: I think I need help

    Ok so your story just totally frreaked me out!!!
    My name is KristEn lol
    And I started pulling out my hair and eventually switched to cutting.
    I also had problems at school and was transferred to a private school.
    My family life is a mess and I've had a few suicide attempts too.
    & yea the boy I had totally fallen in love with left me because he said I was too messed up in the head.

    Weird right.

    Sometimes I feel so alone like no one understands, but dang we've got a lot of the same problems.

    I haven't cut in 2 months, but I've taken to drinking into oblivion every night.

    I think the reason I haven't cut in so long is because I started taking Zoloft. Even with all the beer I drink it's really helped me out.
    I don't spend all day lying in bed crying or any of that anymore.
    I do still want to cut, but because the pills have started kicking in I don't feel so depressed so I can keep it under control.

    I would suggest that you go to your Dr. and tell them what's going on. They can perscribe something for you and set you up with therapy. It's really helped me out a lot!

    Warm wishes,

    Old 04-06-2008, 05:31 PM   #78
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    Re: I think I need help

    Thank you Kristen. Tha't's weird that our situations are so similar. They say there's another person in the world that's exactly like you, but I think that that's just coincidental cause no two people are exactly alike.

    I don't drink because I'm underage, but Dad has so many beers in the basement that I could probably take one and drink it without him noticing. I wouldn't know how to dispose of it without someone finding out though, so I don't know. But please don't drink...drinking ruins your liver, and it's just not good.

    My parents are screaming at me yet again, and I've cried consistently over the last two days. My parents are now definitely insisting of choosing my college cause they see me totally incapable of doing so. Something interesting my Dad said at dinner: Mom was talking to my sister about having two watches, but she never uses either of them. And then my Dad said, "That's like I have two daughters but I only need one so I should throw the other one away" and it was obvious he was talking about me. Then we were talking about colleges and Mom said they were going to choose my college, but they wouldn't give me a real reason as to why. Then I told them that I'd move out before that happened and then they all started applauding to the point where it was a little Stepford and Dad's like, "That's the best thing I heard all year!"

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