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    Old 05-12-2003, 04:04 PM   #1
    bloodytears
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    Question obsessed with cutting??

    I feel like im obsessed with cutting now.. I think about it so often that it is begining to make it hard to deal with my classes and everything i have to take care of.. I have been thinking constantly about taking a knife and driving it into my chest and twisting it.. and i can't shake that thought off.. I talked to my doctor about it and she asked me if i was going to act on these thoughts and i told her no, but a part of me thinks yes.. I just don't know what to do.. I am obsessed with not only cutting, but hurting myself too.. Lastnight, my boyfriend and i got into an arguement, and he hit me with a bat, causing a big bruise to form on my forehead, and so much of me was hurt that he would do that, but then, there was a part of me that like it.. because then i had a pain to focus on instead of other things.. Every thing i do has to do with cutting, or being depressed, or suicide.. the music i listen to, the books i read, the way i think, talk and act.. I'm obsessed and its killing me.. I have so much I have to take care of, but i will spend so much of my days just laying on my bed listening to disturbed, or something, thinking about cutting, or hurting myself...

    Is anyone else obsessed? Or is it just me?

     
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    Old 05-12-2003, 07:56 PM   #2
    funchick
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    yeah, i think that we all are obsessed at times. we just have to face one day at a time and try to stop before we hurt ourselves. don't beat yourself up for the music or the book, they are outlets which help you. Just like writing helps me. Hang in there, take one day at a time and if you can't take one day at a time, take one hour or one minute at a time. Hang on, you can make it.


     
    Old 05-13-2003, 07:54 AM   #3
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    hey

    ya i think we all get obessed at times too...if you need check yourself into a hospital until your stable maybe, just something to think about as a last resort i think...just keep yourself safe though ok...my sister thinks the music i listen to is depressing but i like at and thats all that matters, so if you like what you listen to and what you read dont let it bother you, its just a little outlet..but thinking of you and wishing you the best and im here if you just need someone to listen cas the my advice column is kinda on vacation right now

    ((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))
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    Old 05-13-2003, 01:33 PM   #4
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    Thanks funchick,
    I am taking ur advice.. I am taking things one day at a time.. And it has helped, because its more realistic..

    Thank you as well, Ivy.. Haven't heard from you in a while.. Was thinking aout you.. Hope everything is ok with you.. And, i was thinking about checking myself into a hospital, however, i have so much that i need to take care of, and althought its getting done inch by inch now, me being locked up would make those inches disappear.. So, i was thinking about opening up to one person aside from my therapist, so that i could have someone whenever i needed to go to.. That way, when I feel the urge, i can call them, or go see them, and we can talk.. i guess.. i dont know.. I wish you the best as well..

     
    Old 05-14-2003, 07:40 AM   #5
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    hey

    i wrote a really good post yesterday but it wouldnt let me post, wo i have to do a condensened version today, since i forgot most of what i was thinking about yesterday

    ***

    not sure why i mentioned the hospital thing becasue if my mom found out im still cutting she would put me in the hospital and im so scared about that so ya dont mind me, but i do hope you keep yourself safe and you dont have to go to the hospital at all....but i wanted to tell you too that its a good idea to have someone close to you that knows and can support you when you need it.... but since you asked about me i have a question, does anyone cut like words? not to give anyone ideas or anything but was just wondering

    take care

    [This message has been edited by ivy2002 (edited 05-14-2003).]
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    Old 05-14-2003, 08:05 AM   #6
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    bloody tears im glad that you seem to be a little more positive in your second post http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif ivy has given some great advice about the hospital i know it is scary but if things got that rough at least it would keep you safe and give you a bit of a break. how are you doing?

    ivy i have known people to cut words into their arms i haven't done it myself but i just wanted you to know and anyone else that you aren't alone with this



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    Old 05-14-2003, 01:03 PM   #7
    bloodytears
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    Hey Ivy,
    You know, just about everytime I post something i can always count on you to respond, and I just wanted you to know i really appreaciate that. Everyone who responds to me is greatly appreciated.. But you are one of the most faithful, so, to you, i say thank you..
    And to answer your question, yes i have cut words into my skin before.. I have cut in hate, evil, die, and death.. Some small, and some bigger..

    And, to you, blue cloud.. Thank you for your post as well.. I am doing a little better, however, that's after i cut.. So, well, you know.. things always seem to feel a lil better once the blood comes out.. I tried not to cut.. But once again, i did.. And I had just finished saying I wouldnt... Dang, I am so weak.. But, other than that, things are ok...

    Now it's my turn, how are you doing today Ivy and Blue?

     
    Old 05-14-2003, 02:20 PM   #8
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    hey tears

    your welcome i ilke posting on here, it helps to make other people not feel so alone and things and keeps me partway sane http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif but today hasnt been the greatest day, i ended up breaking open a shaver to get the razors out, to cut with...but im feeling better now .... both my legs say the same thing hate, fat, stupid and a not so nice word, the show up more than i would have liked but i put them there so i cant rreally complain either.... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif but ya good that you are doing a bit better today, even after cutting...a day at a time remember, plus you have to stick around for the trip to mars, first class and everything

    [This message has been edited by ivy2002 (edited 05-14-2003).]
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    Old 05-14-2003, 02:26 PM   #9
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    ps, forgot to say keep trying http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif
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    Old 05-20-2003, 06:24 AM   #10
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    bloody tears you are not weak at all in fact i believe you are very strong you are trying to change and that shows a lot of strength i think we would all love to make the decision to stop and that it would be easy but so many of us turn back to the blade its not an easy trip to recovery but you are trying and thats what counts



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