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Scarsofthepast 05-19-2012 03:28 PM

Hi, well this is my first post so not really sure what to put.

A few years ago i went through quite abit and i was just so lost i didnt really know what to do with myself i started to self harm. Id cut myself once and then found i was doing it once/twice a week and then every day sometimes even more. well i managed to stop. and recently i guess things have gotten too much again with work and just feeling down and some other stuff to i just ended up cutting myself again yesterday. i was shocked with myself and i felt really bad about it but it also helped too for once in my life i just felt something other than stress. It kind of reminded me of how when i was really low an id cut myself and then felt better. Dont really know how to explain how it feels when i do it. But anyway i dont mind self harming i just dont want to do it everyday. I mean if it helps (it does) then why should i stop again? Does anyone else know how im feeling? And maybe have any ideas how i can subside myself from cutting when i feel the urge.

Thanks for reading

stasis4 05-19-2012 04:48 PM

Re: Cutting
Self-harm like cutting is often a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. Because hurting yourself in this way makes you feel better. It may even feel like you have no choice. Actions like cutting may be the only way or one of the few ways you know how to cope with feelings like sadness- self-loathing... emptiness- guilt and rage. It may help express feelings you can't put to words.

The problem is that the relief that comes from self-harming doesn’t last very long. Some of the things you would need to do to overcome this tendency would be to learn how to manage overwhelming stress and emotions. to identify your self harm triggers and get in touch with your emotions. You might use substitutes to replace the cutting sensation, like rub ice across the skin where you usually cut. You might consider talking to a therapist to help identify the root cause behind this... who could then help come up with appropriate coping techniques. wish you good luck!

Scarsofthepast 05-20-2012 12:43 AM

Re: Cutting
Sometimes it just feels like theres nothing else in the world i can turn to to make these feelings go away. Like cutting is the only way. ive been trying not to do it as bad as last time like not cut as deep but once i start ive not realky control of it :/ i just feel so lost/confused. And like no one understands how i feel :(

stasis4 05-20-2012 01:26 PM

Re: Cutting
I am sorry to hear of your struggle. with a situation like self-cutting it does become important to confide in someone you can trust to offer support and understanding. Would you be able to do that with someone in your family or in your life?? certainly do consider seeking professional help from a good therapist.
You are trapped in an emotional state, but the trauma needs identifying and resolving and therapy would help you a good amount with that.
It can become a compulsive habit.Do not forget that you could end up giving yourself a dangerous cut or a badly infected wound. If your pain and its root causes don't get adressed- you could put yourself at risk for major depression down the line.
A good therapist should be able to track what may have caused you this condition and suggest coping techniques that would be appropriate. if you cut to express pain and emotions, or do you cut to calm and soothe yourself? Do you cut because you feel disconected and numb?
I mentioned putting ice across your skin. you may also try putting a rubber band on your limbs and snapping them instead of cutting. wish you recovery, hon!

Scarsofthepast 05-20-2012 02:49 PM

Re: Cutting
I use to be on anyi depressant and have counsilling. when they stopped i was ok for a while but now im just a emotional Wreck again. i dont know what to do with myself. Every cut i do its almost as if im cutting somethin out of my life for a short time, it helps me alot and its not that i want to stop cutting i just want to chill out on it abit. ive tried to keep a diary of my feelings but when im writing i either dont know what to put or i en up scribbling over the page because i get fustrated :( thankyou for your advise and support it is much appreciated
Also i was wondering if u knew the answer to this question: how can someone who hasnt self harmed before know and understand how i feel?

stasis4 05-20-2012 03:08 PM

Re: Cutting
If the medication and counseling helped with the self-cutting... then perhaps you might continue with this kind of help. Many people who self-harm/cut suffer from anxiety, depression or a previous trauma (just like millions of other people in the general population). Self injury is how they cope.

It is a good point you raised that someone who does not self-cut or experience the same thing, may not be able to understand it. But give a non judgemental, mature and supportive person that you can confide to- time to process what you tell them. As difficult as it is for you to open up, it may also be difficult for the person you tell—especially if it’s a close friend or family member. Sometimes you may not like the way the person reacts. Try to remember that reactions such as shock, anger, and fear come out of concern for you. It may help to print out articles from the web about self-cutting for the people you choose to tell. The better they understand self-harm... the better able they’ll be to support you. And a good therapist certainly would. Do not suffer with this all by yourself. Try and seek good help, hon!

Scarsofthepast 05-21-2012 02:58 PM

Re: Cutting
yeah ive considered going back but its a ling process and it means i have to try and accept that im depressed again. i dont know why has life go so many ups and downs. Well in my case more downs than ups.. Its like a load of pathways to choose from and if you take the wrong path you have to deal with it there and then. You either get the right path or you dont.
i never thought about it that way. I giess its just as hard for them as it is for me.. It just seems easier to not talk about it and keep it to myself than to let people know it feels a though if i tell. It will be like im bragging about it and it certainly is nothing to brag about. im not proud of what i do. Im ashamed. I just want help but dont know how to seek it.
Today ive confided in a friend from work she suffered depression. She does harm herself but she just seemed to know the right things to say an even though i disnt actually say alot it fwlt like i dis if that makes sence. Like there was obly 4/5 sentences that came out my mouth but it fel tlike alot more :(

stasis4 05-22-2012 10:16 AM

Re: Cutting

thank you for sharing all this and hope it makes you feel better. That is why not keeping it all to yourself but confiding in someone trustworthy would for sure feel therapeutic. It is a good thing you did to tell your friend and because she herself has gone through depression, it would be easier for her to understand how you might be feeling. Please know that depression is a very widespread condition. most people experience depression or just feeling quite low at some point on the rocky road that can be this life when things look more down than up. opening up to someone initially mightt feel difficult- but once you start- you will be able to express yourself even more. Do consider counseling or seeing a therapist. You might be able to see one even if you are not covered by insurance because many towns have centers that would offer this type of support.

tearsnfears 05-23-2012 03:55 AM

Re: Cutting
[QUOTE=Scarsofthepast;4983450]Also i was wondering if u knew the answer to this question: how can someone who hasnt self harmed before know and understand how i feel?[/QUOTE]

While it may be hard to reallize there are other ways that people cope that are just as damaging as self-harm but not as obvious. I say this as I have become a cutting self-harmer in my 40's but as I begin to work with my pdoc/therapist I realize that previously I had chosen an nearly as dangerous coping mechanism of self harm through the use of sexual intercourse with strangers to deal with the emotions and issues that I felt I couldn't face. For me sometimes it was just about having some semblance of control in my life and now with cutting when everthing it overwhelming and I feel as if I am drowning again that sense of control comes back.

Scarsofthepast 05-23-2012 10:01 AM

Re: Cutting
Tearsand fears
Ive not done anything else other than cut abd burn myself. Ive drank alot an ended up in hospital people think it wa just because i couldnt handle my dribk but i did it on purpose. ive considered other things but i dont think it will be as effective as cutting. Im sorry to hear about your hard time an im here if u want to talk.

Yeah it does make me feel better, its better than writing it down because i feel like its not actually goin anywhere. But on here at least someone can reply.
Im happy to say i havnt self harmed today and im going out tonight so hopefully i can go the whole day :) :)

stasis4 05-23-2012 02:51 PM

Re: Cutting
Good to hear that today was a better day for you. Wish you well and that you will succeed in finding a way to overcome this.

mindful7 07-08-2012 10:14 PM

Re: Cutting
[QUOTE=Scarsofthepast;4982982]Does anyone else know how im feeling?[/QUOTE]

Yes.. I know how you're feeling. I have been only really able to help myself by knowing I'm not alone in that feeling, that urge, that want to bleed and feel better. It's something words can't describe.

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