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Confused where I stand with my partner


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Old 04-14-2015, 04:52 AM   #1
CE85
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Confused where I stand with my partner

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, with a 4 month break. We have a 3 year old daughter. To explain the situation I find myself in now I will explain the relationship and why that break happened. We were only together for 6 months when I discovered I was pregnant, despite being careful. This was a suprise and I made my decision to go ahead and made it clear to him there was no pressure and he could be as involved as he wanted. He was very supportive and excited and we moved in together to prepare for the birth. While 7 months pregnant I started noticing his suspicious and secretive behaviour particularly with his phone and computer, I didn't know the password to his computer. Call this women's intuition but something told me to look in his 'empty' playstation box stored above the wardrobe, in it I found lots of porn films including transsexual porn and a selection of full sets of women's lingerie. I wasn't sure how to process this and decided to hold off saying anything till I worked out a little more. It started to become clear he was also using my lingerie and using my vibrators. I decided it was time to start investigating and when looking at his phone found he had been messaging girls I know and his ex to get them to go over for sex when I was away. He had emailed lots of enquiries areanging a prostitute, including the very afternoon our daughter was born! He was on numerous dating sites areanging meet ups and encounters and on some had stated he was bi sexual, he was also on gay sites. One night I came home to find him having web sex with a local girl. After confronting him with all my evidence he said he had addiction to sex and that he had always enjoyed wearing lingerie. Being understanding I told him i would be there for him, he seemed relieved to talk and wanted to try things with me, I thought if we were open and tried things together the secrets would stop, they didn't it just carried on and got worse I made the decision to end the relationship after things deteriorated and heated arguments began, I could cope with not trusting him. While we were separated we spoke everyday and attempts to stay away from each other didbt work, we had the most explosive amazing sex while we were apart. When we decided we would get back together he said he had changed and agreed to therapy, to date he only ever had 2 sessions he won't go again as he says he's cured! Things started off strong again and I was so happy. Now things have shifted he doesn't want sex with me anymore he says he's not interested in sex and that I pressure him. I have tried lots of ways but now just feel rejected and unattractive. We are arguing again and when I'm really upset he won't comfort me he says he's just not affectionate and calls me pathetic. When we do have sex he gets dressed immediately and also doesn't want me touching his penis. I'm not even sure he orgasms anymore. I don't know what to do I can't bare to loose him again I love him so much, I'm really in pain right now. I wanted our daughter to have a proper family. I want to suggest we go to couples therapy but not sure he will be willing. I really need some help x

Last edited by CE85; 04-14-2015 at 05:07 AM. Reason: Hadn't finished.

 
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:32 PM   #2
lenvegas
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Re: Confused where I stand with my partner

Hi, it sounds as if you would be in pain with or without him. However being without him you would eventually adjust to and being with him could be a never ending painful drama because it sounds as though he is not serious about recovering from his addiction and is playing games with you. Sure the sex is good at first but then he just withdraws from you. You need to think of your own well being for the sake of your child. Of course it is best to remain on good terms with him because you share a child. And really, I think you have been more than understanding with him. Hope this works out for you...

 
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