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Old 11-28-2003, 07:10 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1
help16 HB User
Question General

After 9/11 my husband went through some major issues that hurt both him and our already shaky relationship. In the pasted two year a lot has happened he went through a major " Break down" that put him in a hospital. hurt me by saying some things that he knew would hurt the most, he said that he did not find me attractive and never could then said u don't want me to lie do U? I know he was sick at the time but I really can't forgive him, he said sorry but he has not shown he was sorry. Words are so cheap; his actions show me nothing. We have two children under ten. Sometimes when I speak with him he has this blank look, and gives me no response at all. He is under the care of a doctor, although I question and he needs to be responsible for himself. I need to let go of trying to "Help" him he has gone off the meds once and will probably do it again.
Last night we has another of the same augment he has said that I am attractive he want to stay married although the man never touches me, hold me, compliment me, or pursues me. The only way I can get any Adult contact is when I ask for it. The only way I get a compliment is when I drag it out of him. I feel I am staving for intimate human contact and the kicker is that I am married. He is a good dad to his kids, we both work hard at our jobs to keep that house going.

I figure if I can just hold on till the kids are older, but this is just so hard. I need Intimate contact, I am so sick of "asking" for it. and if I wait him out it will never happen I tried once for about four months and nothing. any suggestions? Thanks

Last edited by help16; 11-28-2003 at 07:20 AM.

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Old 11-28-2003, 07:45 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,308
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: General

Have you tried talking to his doctor about this or suggesting marriage counseling? Those are two things you can try to see if it will get through tohim on your needs. Also you have to make sure you have expressed your needs to him in a calm nonargumentive way. If non of the above works you might have to consider leaing. I know that doesnt sound great but we are all entitled to getting our needs met especailly the need to feel loved by a spouse/partner or to have intimate contact with ones partner/spouse. You dont have to stay together because of the children. It seems like a noble idea but your kids are not blind nor dumb and they can pick up on many things you dont think they do. It can effect them now and in future relationships on what is going on now.
Again try the counseling or talking to his doctor about your concerns. That is the best thing you can do right now.
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

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