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The Whole Virginity Thing

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Old 01-23-2004, 11:27 PM   #1
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The Whole Virginity Thing

As if the small penis wasn't enough to worry about, there is something else. Being a virgin. I'm friends with this girl and I would really like to move the relationship along toward sex. The subject of previous partners came up once, and she has had "several", but I lied to her. I said I had "a few, not many" and I avoid the subject any more than that. Well, we are at the age where she is expecting a confident, experienced lover but now I'm afraid she is going to be totally turned off by me. The truth is I am a virgin. All I wanted to do was keep her from getting turned off in the first place and I figured I'd fake my experience but..... whenever we do get between the sheets my lack of experience is going to show, isn't it?? A woman can tell, can't she? what do I do!

Do women over 25 or 30 find an inexperienced man (or a virgin) to be a turn-off, especially if they themselves are experienced? And guys, how did you handle losing your virginity at an older age to an experienced woman?

And regarding the sex part, I'm not sure how to put this, but is the sex act itself something that sort of comes naturally? I wonder if it would be possible to make love to her and for her to never know.

Its not like I am trying to deliberately hide something in my past or anything but I am kind of insecure about the lack of experience. After all, there's probably nothing worse for a woman than a guy with a small penis AND who doesn't know how to use it, does that make any sense?

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Old 01-24-2004, 03:47 AM   #2
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Re: The Whole Virginity Thing

This all sounds very familiar to me...I was a virgin until I married at 35 and remember well feeling very much like you do. My wife knew though that although I had been in several relationships I was a virgin by choice for moral and religious reasons. In your case have you specifically said that you were "experienced"? or just that you've been in relationships? As to the small penis thing....don't give it another thought...I was exactly the same and guess simply isn't/wasn't an issue. Losing our virginity is an exciting and sometimes scary it going to work? will I be "good"? what if I don't pleasure her? All of those concerns are very valid. Heres the deal, you've got to just put that out of your mind and do it. Her experience will be helpful for sure but the whole sex thing is "innate" our bodies know what to do, things "fit" just like they are supposed to and such. Sure, she may need to help you with some of the mechanics and such...but guess what....that's sorta neat! There are some other things to think about. First, like me, I'm sure that masturbation has been a part of your life for a very long you may need to "plan" for things a bit in advance by not masturbating for several days or more...I stopped about a week and a half before we got married. Second, I'd say that you guys should do lots of foreplay and really get used to each other's bodies and such, this will allow you to get super excited before trying intercourse. Finally, for many of us the first time isn't that great, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to perform...that'll only make things worse. I was surprised at how long I was able to go before orgasm, that had everything to do with the difference in a vagina and my masturbation habits. You'll find that it is much different and your penis may not respond the same way or in the same amount of time. Most of all my friend...realize that this is a natural physical thing between to adults who obviously care alot about each other....sharing this intimacy is incredibly cool and exciting. It takes communication and working together. Will she realize that you aren't experienced? Maybe so, and you may even want to have a discussion about your past, being more honest or taking the angle of its been a long time etc etc. I suspect that she will be wonderful with you if she really cares and things will work out just fine. Good luck and dont' let any of your fears or concerns stop you from experiencing the greatest pleasure in life, especially the size of your simply doesn't matter one bit!

Old 01-24-2004, 07:41 AM   #3
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Re: The Whole Virginity Thing

It's going to be ok. Lance is right: it's pretty much a natural thing and you'll kind of know what to do automatically. Even for experienced people, everytime you are with someone new, you have to "re-learn", in a sense, what that person likes and how to do what with that person, and so in a way you're always a virgin all over again. Obviously, if you are experienced, you have a larger pool of knowledge to refer to, so the "learning" often goes more smoothly and quickly, but even so, you're always kind of starting all over again. Because of this, I think you COULD, if you wanted to (and if you are a skilled actor) play it off like you're just a really caring guy, concerned with her pleasure and wanting to get it right --- asking lots of questions and seeking lots of direction could then seem just like you really, really want to please her, more than like you just don't know what you're doing. It's conceivable that you could pull it off and she might not ever know --- but why? I don't think that starting off with a lie and a pretend performance is necessarily the best way to go in a new relationship. Why not just discuss it with her --- I doubt she'll go running for the hills. In fact, she might be flattered that you value her enough to make her your first, after waiting so long. And she may even find the idea exciting --- lots of people fantasize about "taking" someone's virginity. (OK, probably most of those people are men, but it could possibly be a woman's fantasy as well...) In any case, if she knows before hand, you will be able to relax more and not worry so much about your performance, and she will be able to help you more and not expect as much from your performance, and consequently you'll both probably enjoy it more.
Good luck.

Old 01-24-2004, 02:30 PM   #4
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Re: The Whole Virginity Thing

Pervious posts are right on! Since this is YOUR first time and her first time with you, ask and communicate, keep asking her what feels good and to tell you what will help both of you.

Old 01-24-2004, 02:42 PM   #5
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Hi, just a few comments. I'm thinking unless you really mess up some vital act or are so uncomfortable, hesitant, whatever, she isn't going to be able to tell you're inexperienced because as has been mentioned, it's her first time with you. You are going to be different than anyone else she's been with, and to her, this is just your way. And despite her experience, she could well be just as nervous as you are. Another thing, I don't know how common this is (but I know it's not just me) but some women don't orgasm their first time with a new lover, so don't let it eat you up if she doesn't. Just communicate and make sure you both enjoy yourselves...
Good luck.

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