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i know its been posted before...

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Old 01-29-2004, 03:49 PM   #1
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aab77 HB User
i know its been posted before...

But my situation is a little different. I cant reach orgasm with my current guy but i want to so bad!! When i am with him i get really turned on and everything but it just doesnt happen. I still enjoy it, i just know it could be better. Ive only had an orgasm with one other guy, and that was my ex boyfriend who was alot older. I was just wondering if anyone could give me any tips on what I could do to try and make it better between us without bruising his ego??

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Old 01-29-2004, 08:43 PM   #2
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Calixte_Silas HB User
Re: i know its been posted before...

Well, do you mean you can't orgasm in his presence? Or during oral sex? Or during intercourse?
if you can't orgasm during intercourse: join the something like 85% of women who can't. There's nothing wrong with that, because frankly, men and women are poorly designed when it comes to female orgasm during sex. Most women just don't get enough clitoral stimulation. Try what most do, use some sort of manual (toy or hand etc.) stimulation during sex.
If you can't orgasm during oral sex, just try relaxing. Don't concentrate on the goal at the end, enjoy the sensations and feelings that you have along the way. While doing that, you might be surprised at what sneaks up on you (psst.. like an orgasm.)
If you can't orgasm at all with him in presence, try some alone time with masturbation. Figure out what you and your body really like, then try as above, just relaxing and enjoying what's going on.
I would estimate that orgasm makes up maybe 10% of the total sensations of sex. People are so goal oriented, thinking about orgasm, that they miss the other 90% of what's going on.
Sex is soo much more than just orgasm. And if you just relax, and enjoy the 90% of those feelings and sensations for what they are - good feelings and sensations - you might be surprised to see, lo and behold here comes the other 10%.
BUT, you that's not important.
Enjoy sex for sex.
NOT sex for orgasm.

Last edited by Calixte_Silas; 01-29-2004 at 08:44 PM.

Old 01-29-2004, 10:00 PM   #3
undercover angel
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undercover angel HB User
Re: i know its been posted before...

I totally agree. But being a female, i know that if possible i still want that orgasm during sex. Here's one tip if your problem is during sex, put a pillow or a blanket under your upper back and head so that you are on an incline, this puts him at the angle to hit you in the right spots inside and outside hope that helps

Old 01-30-2004, 06:24 AM   #4
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muttley44 HB User
Re: i know its been posted before...

What exactly did the ex boyfriend do to bring about an orgasm? Maybe you can start there and see what your present boyfriend can do differently. It's not an ego bruiser to tell the partner you're with what works and what doesn't work with your body/mind.

My favorite is bridging (play with your **** whilst your boyfriend is inside). For now, this is the only way my wife can get the big O. We're still trying purely vaginal, but haven't gotten there yet.

Then again, you can introduce some power tools into the bedroom. Seriously, the only time I can see brusing an ego with that is if the *****/vibe you use is much larger than the guy. (Well, another ego bruiser is if you whip out a strap-on to use on *him*. Big no-no for most guys, I'm sure.)

Most of all, make this exploration a fun one. The more frustrated both of you get, the less likely you'll achieve an orgasm.

Old 01-30-2004, 02:56 PM   #5
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Only you know what it takes to bring you to orgasm, we can't tell you what to tell him, since you didn't tell us what he isn't doing that he needs to be doing. As far as not bruising his ego, he must already know you're not having orgasms, so what's left to bruise? He should be eager for any pointers. (Unless you've been faking them, which is very bad for exactly this reason.)

Anyway, he's not a mind reader, and not all guys know, for instance, that the clitoris is the spot to focus on. So the best thing is communication. Give us some more info and we might be able to offer some better suggestions.

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