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It does hurt

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Old 02-12-2004, 02:23 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 86
whowhat HB User
It does hurt

I was skimming threw some of these threads and I diidn't relise soo many ppl r on the same boat as I am. My hubby looks at porn and it tooo hurts me very bad the first time I saw this stuff it was like some one had reached into my body and tore out my heart and stomped it to a billion pieces I explained to my hubby how I felt and well he said he would give it up for me well that was 7 yrs ago and I still find it. the worst part is if I ask him if he loos at it he lies to me and he hides it around the house. I really hate it and it still kills me today but it is like since I have been dealing with it sooooo much I am becoming numb to it like he has killed the person I was before. He only looks at this stuff when I am a sleep or out at work but in a desprate plea I pretty much told him I would dooo anything if he would stop looking at those stuff including him taking naked pictures of me....and one time I even got some nude photos tookin but he never liked them I know I am not even half as attractive as the girls he looks at but I just don't like him looking at others and the worst part is he looks at those girls more then we have sex. I feel so hurt and sooo tired of this game....I get depressed thinking about it....

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Old 02-18-2004, 05:14 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 50
TheSlayer HB User
Re: It does hurt

I can uderstand your pain! If you have told him that it hurts you and have asked him not to do it anymore and he still does it-that is very wrong! he isn't respecting your feelings at all. I'm so sorry-I don't know what to tell you to do except to talk to him again and maybe give him an ultimatum-I fit hurts you then it should be end of discussion! good luck I hope this works out for you
"the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world"-w.r.wallace

Old 02-18-2004, 05:24 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,172
Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
Re: It does hurt

You need to stop comparing yourself to those pictures. He probably does not intend to hurt you and your complaining has driven him underground. Most likely, your complaints - which he probably views as unreasonable - is at least partially responsible for the situation you are both in.

If you lighten up, he will probably lighten up and perhaps the childish glee he gets from viewing it in such a secret manner will be ended. In other words, if you tell him it is ok, after a while he might finally get bored with it. As long as you make it forbidden, he will be drawn to it.

Old 02-18-2004, 05:25 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 171
hhsix HB User
Re: It does hurt

Hi, whowhat

I'm not really in the same boat as you. I look at porn WITH my hubby, but I do feel for you.

I know that some women don't mind porn, some do, I'm not replying about that either way.

What I did want to say is that if the two of you are having an issue that hurts you this seriously, no matter what that issue happens to be, he should at least be willing to compromise on it if nothing else.

It is not fair at all for him to be doing something that does nothing but hurt you while he receives nothing but pleasure from it. He really needs to take your feelings into account.

I don't think telling him the same thing over again will do much good. He has to really see & know how much it hurts you & why.

I also think he needs to talk to you about WHY he looks at porn. Maybe he'll make you see that it has nothing to do with you, good or bad, maybe not, but it will at least start a dialogue between the two of you that goes on a different course than the dialogue you've had before.

At least then you're talking differently & what the two of you have said & done before hasn't worked, maybe you'll stumble across something that will.

Good luck, I hope your heart can heal.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
~ Edmund Burke

Old 02-19-2004, 11:07 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 153
fisherwoman HB User
Re: It does hurt

First of all, I don't think it's you're fault at all, in any way,shape or form. He probally figures if you don't know about it then it can't hurt you. That is why he hides it. This stuff can be VERY addicting and he may be addicted to it. That is why this stuff can be so bad. Some people might do just fine looking at it on occasion,but some people get so addicted to it that they can't sexually function in a normal relationship without it in their life. Look at some of the posts on here. Guy after guy who have no problem "getting it up "to masturbate all the time,but then have a problem when the real deal comes along. I'm not saying "everyone" ,but it is a problem for alot of people. If you told him in a calm way ,and showed him the hurt you were feeling,(instead of just jumping down his throat like a maniac the way some woman do)and he seemed to understand,then I think it might be an addiction.

Last edited by fisherwoman; 02-20-2004 at 12:39 AM.

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