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help-lack of desire

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Old 02-24-2004, 03:56 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 44
akadawn HB User
help-lack of desire

My boyfriend and I used to be at it like rabbits, but now we've gotten bored with each other, we still love each other very much, but it's hard to be creative and keep things going. Has anyone else run into this problem? If so, what do you recommend? I don't think I am open for toys just yet, but other things maybe. I just want what we used to have back...we are taking a beach vacation soon, maybe that will help

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Old 02-25-2004, 10:46 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: middle east
Posts: 71
Smallcap HB User
Re: help-lack of desire

It seems that you have the desire but he is not.. However, the only thing I recommend (as a man) is to talk to your BF openly about this matter on an extremely romantic dinner on this vacation. Then, try to make a plan to fix this issue. This is an issue and it must not continue like that. Also, when things get back to normal, do not abuse the pleasure by consuming it when you actually need to do it (no rabbit behavior...loooool)

Old 02-26-2004, 06:16 AM   #3
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Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,308
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: help-lack of desire

Actually this isnt really a problem,it happens to most couples. There is even a name for it "the end of the honeymoon stage of the relationship." You see when most couples get together during the newness of the relationship sex is at an all tiime high so most couples are like rabbits when it comes to having sex. As the relationship settles and the newness fades away the true sex drives are revealed and one if not both think there is a lack of desire with one of the partners. In most cases it isnt a lack of desire it is just the couple are now past the new stage. A lot of times this is when a relationship will fizzle out or continue and grow stronger.
You can sit down with your partner( I would suggest the sooner the better-why ruin a great vacation with serious talk that might ause fighting) and explain how you are feeling. Also I wouldnt refer to it as being bored with each other....unless of course you actually are. I can say that even though Dh and I have been married for almost 9 yrs I am by far not bored with him. I can still get excited when he touches me or even when he walks in the room. I honestly could never say I was or ever will be bored with my Dh. That is saying alot since I have a high sex drive and prefers a more adventurous sex life.
As for making sex exciting change up the places you have it. If he is the right height the bathroom counter or kitchen counter can be a great place. You sit on the edge of the counter and he stands. There are tons of places you can use to spice up sex. Toys arent a bad thing either and you would be surprised how soon some couples start using them. It can actually be fun to go shopping together for a toy or dont have to just be dildos or such. They can be as simple as a blindfold or furry handcuffs to even books on various sex positions.
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

Old 02-26-2004, 11:36 PM   #4
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fisherwoman HB User
Re: help-lack of desire

Blastoff9600 is right. Change things around.Start making out in odd places,surprise eachother,play with eachother on and off throughout the day till your so hot you can't stand it. And my biggest recommendation to any one that can swing it,is to buy a conversion van. The places you can go and decide to do it suddenly are endless. The other day,my husband and I were on our way to Walmart when suddenly he says "lets go for a drive through the forest,a nice scenic drive" So I say "sure,it's a great day for a drive." So we are driving for a short while when he pulls into a parking lot and drives way to the back by the trees and parks and gives me a dirty smile. Afterwords we went to walmart and ended up doing it in the parking lot there also. It's a lifesaver if you have kids in the house. And you can get them pretty cheap used. We will never be without one.

Old 02-27-2004, 11:17 AM   #5
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,600
eightball61 HB User
Re: help-lack of desire

Everything here is right on and thats what you need to spice things up. It is normal for couples to go through a sex drought or just get board. Things can be sparked up easily by just doing somthing out of the ordinary.

Old 02-28-2004, 07:58 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
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Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: help-lack of desire

Originally Posted by TrappedinAbyss
wow, blast I'd say you are correct 100%, but you aren't.

It has nothing to do with new sex, at all... actually.
Chemicals within the mind are released which form these different feelings when you first meet. I explain it in that thread of mine 'phenylethlamine question.' I made the thread simply because I was having the same problem with my boyfriend, and wanted to know if anyone could help.. but we broke up so..I guess the information and question is there for anyone that might need an answer, if anyone gives one.

I read your other post and you know what I still stick by what I said. The reason being is not everyone falls into the chemical deal and then of course not every falls out of the chemical phases.
I can sit here and say I still feel whole with my Dh,I still get freakin butterflies when he walks in the room and I can rattle on and on about how I still feel the same as when we first fell in love but with more. This is after 9 years of marriage plus six months of 9 and half years and I still get butterflies.
I never said anything about "new sex" read my post again. I said one need to make it exciting. The only way one can have "new sex" is to have a new partner and I doubt that is what Akadawn is searching for.
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

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