It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Sexual Health - General Message Board

Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-12-2008, 12:25 PM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago
Posts: 48
geema7 HB User
Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

I'm not sure exactly where to post this, and I'm not too good at keeping things short and to the point, but hopefully I can get some advice here!....

I recently started seeing this guy. I'll admit - I met him online...actually through a post he made somewhere about having these tickets/reservations that he'd had for a couple months, but had stopped seeing the previous girl and needed someone to go or forfeit the plans. We had a great time that night, and when I contacted him to thank him again for a great time, he asked if I wanted to get together the following weekend.
So we did see each other again that weekend...and ended up sleeping together. Yes, pretty soon and no, I wasn't planning on it but when things turned that way, it just felt like the thing to do (not that I should, but that I wanted to). We got together the weekend after that, and the same thing happened. Keep in mind that we weren't just hooking up and that was it, we did make other plans and went out to eat, went to see a band playing locally, etc.
We saw each other 4 times and slept together 3 of those times. And actually everything seemed to be going fine - we get along well, have fun together, etc. And seem to be pretty sexually compatible too. Except for one thing.

Each time we have had sex, I have gotten a tear. Not that big of a deal for me, honestly - it doesn't hurt during, only a little the next day or so. However, it bleeds - quite a lot - and that causes problems. The first time some got on the bed but luckily the stain came out...the next time we got towels, lol - it was a little weird but worked...and then the last time we got a towel but it still got everywhere. In fact it was the worst yet, and he tried throwing the sheets in the washer and it didn't come out, basically the bedding was ruined. I felt awful yet again - not that it's my fault, but still. I don't really know why it's happening - sure he's a little bigger than other guys I've been with, but I don't know that that's the problem. In any case, that night (which happened to be last Friday) he got really frustrated about it - of course I was too. The next day he called me and apologized for being upset, saying that he knew it wasn't like it was on purpose or anything...and that I was great and all that, and if I wanted to still get together from time to time and have a beer or whatever, then that was cool - but that we probably couldnt really pursue anything further between us.
Now - I haven't really mentioned this to my friends yet as I'm still sorting it out in my head, but I'm sure they'll all tell me to forget about him he's a - well, you know - for doing that, and obviously he was only after one thing if he's gonna drop me because of that. Which I kind of agree with....except that I think we're actually alike in many weird, hidden ways, and I really can see where he's coming from. I mean - sex is an important part of a relationship, so if there's problems from the get-go, that doesn't bode well. Right? It's making me mad because I was having a lot of fun, and have never torn like that before, and everything else was looking good...but now...nothing.

So I guess my question, after all that, is this: does his reaction sound rational? Should I really just forget about him (as much as I DON'T want to - even though we don't know each other all that well)? Should I maybe try to explain what was going on? He doesn't actually know that I tore! I mean he knew I was bleeding and we wondered if it was because of his size, but once I was home and checked and saw a tear, I never actually explained that. I don't really know what to do and I don't know if that was a normal "guy" reaction or what. Would it be weird for me to call him and explain, and let him know there are things we can try and maybe avoid the bleeding? lol this is just a ridiculous situation. And to be honest, if all he was looking for was sex and that was why he broke things off (because there were problems with the sex) - well right now I am okay with that. I would be fine keeping things the way they were (although he kind of sounded like maybe he had been looking for it to turn into a real relationship when he broke it off). Hm. Guys, would you be weirded out if a girl had this issue and then tried to explain it to you and work things out?? Is it worth it? I don't know what to do!! I need some advice!

Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading it all if you did!

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 06-12-2008, 10:15 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 266
timetoreclaim HB User
Re: Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

I'd think he'd try to discuss it with you or just deal with it if he's not a talker and he wanted to pursue the relationship. Did you guys try any lube any of the times?

Old 06-13-2008, 03:59 AM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 49
Kirsty75 HB User
Re: Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

Eh look people work through things if they want to be together and honestly if it's something that was not bothering you it shouldn't of been bothering him! for hecks sake...worse things get on the sheets than blood durring sex

Old 06-13-2008, 08:04 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 244
rhiannon777 HB User
Re: Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

It's not entirely clear from your post how extreme his reaction was -- was he just a little frustrated? Did he yell at you? Was he mean? If he was just a little frustrated or irritated, then I think it's within the scope of a normal reaction, but if he yelled or was cruel, then I'd ditch him immediately.

Did he seem concerned about your bleeding and whether he'd hurt you? That should tell you a lot about what kind of a person he is. Also, was he rough with you? If so, I'd be concerned that maybe he has violent tendencies.

I'm guessing maybe the problem is that you tore the first time and it hasn't had a chance to heal, so each time you have sex, it opens it back up. I guess that's one easy way to tell if he's just after sex -- see if he's cool with giving you a week or two without sex to heal up before you try again.

Old 06-14-2008, 10:35 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,195
happymom28 HB User
Re: Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

I have to be honest here, but for whatever reason, he just doesn't seem that into you. He could be using the "bleeding" as an excuse or not, I don't know. All I do know is that if he really liked you enough in that way he would want to persue things further either way. Does that make sense?

I mean, you could try to tell him you tore or whatever, but I think all you will accomplish is getting him as a FWB since that is what he seems to want (if you want to get together for a beer or something ). I just don't see what difference telling him will make.

I think you are best to move on. You really haven't known him that long so why try to convince him to give you a try if he just isn't into it? There are plenty of decent guys out there.

Old 06-14-2008, 09:04 PM   #6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,006
Executor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB User
Re: Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

It's hard to say how he really feels by the information you provided. I'm sure he was disappointed, just like you were. I think you have to give him a little credit for calling the next day to apologize. A lot of young men wouldn't do that.

I think you have to get to the bottom of why you are tearing. Whether it's this relationship or another (in the future), you should understand the cause and try to avoid it. Are you properly lubricated? You mentioned that he was a bit larger, but didn't sound like it was anything out of the ordinary. Do you have large labia? Could it be getting pulled in and then tear? I've read where this can happen to some women. Some women actually have it reduced through a minor surgical procedure. Are you in pain, or is it just bleeding as a superficial wound?

I don't think your issue isn't anything to get worked up over....It sounds to me like a small bump in the road that you can work through.

Good luck.


Old 06-16-2008, 10:33 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,971
Audrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB User
Re: Would this be a deal-breaker for you??

From your post it appears that he doesn't appear to wish to work through this. Do you really want some guy who bails once he hits the first bump in the road? Then again, maybe he feels he shouldn't be obligated due to the fact that you are not serious boyfriend/girlfriend. If a guy cares about you and definitely wants you in his life and is serious about you he will not relegate your relationship to a mere "get together with a beer or two".

Was sooo much blood from a tear? Have you ever bled during sex before? I would agree with Rhiannon777 that the tear likely didn't have time to heal and you kept reopenning the wound. If you didn't use lubricant it would have made matters worse.

The bed linen would not have been ruined. When i've had super heavy periods and they have gone through a towel, onto my bed sheet and then through to the matress protector i have salvaged the lot. You simply do not throw anything "bloody" straight into the washing machine. I find doing a "spot" clean first helps get rid of most of the mess. Basically soak the affected area and use some washing powder or a good laundry soap on the stain. Once most of the stain has been removed then stick the lot in the washing machine.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Im over it now...but what would you do girls? Piranna65 Relationship Health 20 04-22-2010 08:40 AM
Would you be upset if you saw your boyfriend's porn? digmusic Relationship Health 30 12-29-2009 08:21 AM
Does he love me? Would like male & female views please. taby88 Relationship Health 15 08-26-2007 01:57 PM
how would you respond? Nina000 Relationship Health 34 03-21-2007 05:25 AM
How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend... MrZeely Relationship Health 108 05-24-2006 07:20 PM
I would crack up, excepr that it would probably increase my symptoms! Wowwwweeee Inner Ear Disorders 10 11-02-2005 03:27 PM
Would you risk herpes for love? sunshineahead Herpes 32 03-28-2005 11:57 AM
new...any help would be appreciated... reallyworried Herpes 1 10-07-2004 10:36 PM
what would you do if? kbell Relationship Health 120 05-27-2004 08:27 AM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:10 PM.

Site owned and operated by™
© 1998-2018™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!