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married couple sexual activity... normal?

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Old 11-07-2011, 12:07 PM   #1
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married couple sexual activity... normal?

I've been married to my wife for 7yr, she has not always been the most exciting in bed but has made alot of progress in the past 3-5yr.

In any case, I like having sex with her but not ejaculating... just because I really enjoy being that close. The only thing is it seems some times we only have sex once every 3-8 weeks. So what happens is like 1-3 events in a day (few mins each), then 3-8 weeks of nothing. She also has irregular periods, so just when I'm trying to work her up (takes a few days sometimes), bam.

She assures me she loves sex, but it seems that every single time when I'm in the mood she is not, and everytime she is in the mood I'm not.

I really don't know. I have been complaining ever since I met her that I want her to dress sexy and that I need daily servicing ... but ... well ... 7yr of marriage and 1yr old daughter later and I have very little to show for it. I'm tired of asking for sex, I'm tired of always being the one that must instigate things ... I've told her ... and it seems it ends up in us both shrugging it off and saying we'll try harder.

We talked about counseling and that was also shrugged off with the excuse that we're both just so busy, and we love eachother alot.

I've done alot of googling and search and it seems what most people say is if one partner is not happy one should seek counseling.


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Old 11-07-2011, 01:40 PM   #2
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Re: married couple sexual activity... normal?

I can say that counsuling may be the answer in trying to find out what exactly is behind your (the two of you) sexual tension. I'm 53 and I can tell you what you're going through is more common that you'd like to believe. My wife and I get so caught up in our daughter's life and our work, it's very hard for us to sync up. BTW, the once a day thing is really a bit unrealistic, unless you're taking care of yourself.

I'm not really sure what you'll discover if you do choose counselling but it would be nice if the two of you could raise the level of your communication to a higher level. Maybe the two of you could work it out on your own. Good Luck!

Old 11-08-2011, 06:43 AM   #3
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Re: married couple sexual activity... normal?

Yeah...having kids really dampens your sex life,no doubt about that.
My husband and I used to laugh because even when our daughter was like,4,we would go in the bedroom and try to have a quicky,and we wouldn't be in there 2 minutes and our daughter would be trying to open the door and crying that we were "leaving her out",lol.

You and your wife need to make sex a priority.Daily servicing may be a bit of a stretch,but at LEAST once a week you need to give the kid to a sitter or put her to bed early,have a glass a wine and decide that is going to be your sex time.
Yeah,it lacks spontaneity,but is crucial for you to be connecting more then just a few times a month.

Old 11-08-2011, 10:48 AM   #4
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Re: married couple sexual activity... normal?

What is 1-3 "events" during the day? What's with "needing daily servicing"? Sounds like you need "professional ( prostitute ) than a wife!!! I would have dumped you the minute you said something about daily servicing myself, luckily for you your wife didn't take you seriously, though she should have. You obviously look at a wife as property that has no right or reason not to want you sexually. You're the man, therefore your wants/needs/desires must come to fruition or else.
If you love this woman and the little family you've created, you're going to have to accept that she's not a recepticle for your organ. It's not entirely her obligation to "service you daily". You need to find out why you need 1-3 "events" in a day that may not lead to ejaculation ( frustration for her and is probubly a major reason she's not into you as much as you would like ). Most of all, you need to find out what her love language is and speak that to her if you want more "events". Baring emotional and physical problems, most healthy women who enjoy sex is more willing to engage in it more often if their needs are also being met. The one thing often missing when a woman doesn't want sex with her parther is her overall satisfaction with you. Therefore, it's likely that the problem lies within you, not her.

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