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thereds 11-14-2012 12:51 AM

Any form of contact is slowing right down
Morning all,

Just looking for some thoughts and advice really.

I am 26, fiancée is just turned 24, been together almost 6 years. We have our own property now and a son who turned 2 in November. Both working, myself 2 jobs, 1 full-time and another 5 hours a week, partner just back to part-time.

Steadily over the past 2 months I've just noticed that there is more and more reluctance to engage in any sort of physical contact. Sex has always been pretty sparse but I'm not one to push her into doing it, but other forms had always been kind of regular.

I don't honestly suspect that she is playing away, but it was a consideration the other day. All else I can really think is that her being too tired to do anything means she would rather sleep, which I can understand, but it just makes me feel a little unwanted. I'd love to be able to share that closeness again.

Just wondering whether I'm expecting too much or if this decline in anything begins to happen ??

Appreciate thoughts and comments

aowshea 11-19-2012 05:01 AM

Re: Any form of contact is slowing right down
She expects you to listen to her empathy.

Hmm,... let's make it short and brief.
Imagine this,
You are both tired after work, right? We, men, prefers to be alone, after facing heavy distress at work. Ok, you know, like sit in front of TV, or computer, etc until we feel better. Then go to bath and sleep.
This is us, men.

But for her, is totally different. She needs someone to listen to her empathy. What she's been through on that day, who or what she had met with, what happened in here or there, etc.
Now, that's what she wants, -- be noticed, she needs that every day.


Here's the tips:
1. Greet her and ask how is her day?
2. Listen to her, focus on staring at her. Don't touch remote control when do this, even though you are extremely tired.
Remember to use the right answer which shows that you care and notice at what she says, "I see, really?, how come?, then what had happened?", etc but a brief reply.
Don't interupt her, don't conclude her statement except she asks for it,
3. Keep going, until a limit she keeps silence. Don't worry you'll know which one.
4. Don't leave her yet. Keep a silence for a few sometimes. She is re-thinking what she just said.
5. Now the release from you, tell her that you feel it too, "I know how how you feel, you'd been through a long day."
6. Stop, she'll smile at you, or kissing you, that's better.

But next day, don't use the same method. Make it vary. You'll get used to it.
Hope this helps,and may it endures your relationship.

Dee Brown 11-25-2012 05:56 PM

Re: Any form of contact is slowing right down
If you spoke to her about the closeness you want to have back and that you feel unwanted, she would have a much better understanding of how you feel. If it doesn't seem like just another physical demand to her but instead feels like a way to reconnect with you, it might help.

Men often forget that opening your heart and telling a women how you feel is the best way to attract her. Talk to her, always tell her how you feel and listen to what she is feeling.

And....yes it sounds to me like she is tired. Also, once a women becomes a mother, it's a bit more difficult to feel sexy and desirable.

aowshea 11-25-2012 11:18 PM

Re: Any form of contact is slowing right down
Yeah, it's not easy at first. But the more we practice, it will become an automatic one.

There are two conditions I usually met, when she needs the emotional feed
A. I'm extremely tired, I fought the tiredness. And spare up for 10% energy to do the 'listening'.
Even though she knew I did not listen thoroughly, but at least she feels a bit better.
B. I'm really in bad mood, feel badly angry due to distress at work. Then i'm pending her needs. "I really need to be alone. Give me 10 minutes." She won't reject it. Then after 10 min, I do the point A.

Men, usually feels better the longer in his loneliness, but he can't apply that method to his wife, or mother. Thanks to my mom, she's my best teacher and taught me about how a woman expecting that someone would listen to her. She seeked me a lot, because I'm always listening to her.

What must be avoided is, don't let your woman ask-for-it (to be listened), because it's not their nature. It becomes worsen in most of time.

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