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Old 03-12-2014, 09:21 PM   #1
Desperate07
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Need help!

Me and my wife are both 36 years old and have been married going on 14 years. We have two kids one being 7 and the other is 6. Since the birth of our kids sex has been pathetic when it happens. Our sex life before kids was alright with her instigating and doing things to make it a little interesting and definitely more frequent. During the pregnancy of our first kid my wife refused to have sex. I dealt with it knowing how badly she wanted a child and didn't want to risk loosing the child. Then she got pregnant with our second child which was unplanned. How the second pregnancy happened was a complete miracle because the frequency of sex was minimal. During the second pregnancy we had sex 1 time with her instigating it, that was also the last time she has instigated it almost 7 years ago! Since then our sex life is pathetic. She always had a excuse why she didn't want to have sex. Her excuses where I didn't help around the house, I didn't help with the kids, I didn't do anything as a family. So I did everything she asked and continue to do all that now but her attitude towards sex hasn't changed. There is always a excuse she's tired, she don't feel good, I never talk to her, the list goes on and on. Last year her mother went in for a surgery that went horribly wrong and has been in the hospital ever since. She is on the road to finally recovering but I am afraid by the time she is better and my wife can be relieved of that stress it will be too late to save our marriage. Things we did before are absolute taboo now. No oral, no lingerie, no playing it is let's hurry up and get this over with. We will lay in bed for a couple hours watching tv till we are both tired and then it is let's go so we can get this over with. She thinks telling me to take my pants off is her instigating it. It her way or no way. I have told her time and time again what I want but it just goes on deaf ears. It has led to countless fights and days without speaking to each other. I want to move on but I can't bear to be without my kids. She knows this and uses it against me. I am sure she just figures I won't leave because of the kids and she's right. I work 56 hours a week and am also going to college part time as well as trying to keep up with the housework with no support from her. I don't know what to do, I don't want my kids growing up seeing all of this but like I said I don't want to be without them for 1 minute. I know I have issues of my own but 75% of them stem from anger of not getting what I need when it comes to sex. She always tell me to just relax you will get it your not going to die, but in reality I am dying a little each time. I feel rejected every time I try. I tell her continuously how beautiful she is and it don't help. I want it the way it used to be with her being a little adventurous it don't have to be that way every time but once in awhile would be great. Please help I can't take living like this any longer!

 
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:50 PM   #2
lenvegas
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Re: Need help!

Hi, I am sorry you are having these problems but this type of sexual shut down happens in marriages more than you can imagine. There is no magic bullet to fix this but you can take steps to change the dynamic of your sexual life. For now she has the power, the upper hand so to speak and she uses it to her advantage.. If it were me, I would not make any advances towards her and if she tries to instigate sex then I would reject it. This may shift the cards a little more in your favor. At least she will feel the rejection that you have over the years. I am not saying this as a sort of revenge against her but rather the goal would be to get her to a place where she will do anything to please you. It will take patience on your part as it could take months for her to come around but if you are not willing to leave the marriage then you have few alternatives. Hope this all works out for you

 
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Old 03-13-2014, 01:19 PM   #3
solofelix
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Re: Need help!

Two things spring to mind.

(1) The birth control pill. (Can cause all loss of sexual feeling) in SOME people...
(2) She is No longer in love with you. (Seek counselling),

Hope things improve and all the best,

Solofelix.

 
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