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Stress gets the better of me-help please!!!

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Old 07-26-2005, 11:07 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 23
CostaRicaLD HB User
Stress gets the better of me-help please!!!

Hey everyone, I would appreciate some feedback to this!

I believe I have anxiety problems or some sort of mental block about normal sex. I have a girlfriend for which we have been going out for 4 years (she is a virgin) and had never expierenced erection problems untill we decided to have sex for the first time.

I have absolutly no probelms with my girlfriend as far as fore-play goes, and really enjoy oral sex. But when we decided to have real sex for the first time, I found it very difficult to get an erection, and it just wouldn't grow. She was very understanding, considering we have been together for 4 years but it's difficult for me emotionally and feel frustrated at thinking back on the situation. It's as if part of me wants to but another part dosn't.

This is not the only time it's happened either. When I was 17, (now 21), I was in a very similar situation the first time I was going to have sex, but couldn't get an erection no matter what I thought of. It was difficult to get over.

I consider myself quite a stressfull person. I hate speaking in public and suffer from a stammer and have difficulties explaining my feelings. I am sure that this has something to do with my problem. I only suffer from not getting an erection when we plan to try to have sex.

I also think I masturabate to much, sometimes four times a day. It's a habbit Ive never been able to get over'since child-hood.

I have taken Viagra once (Levitra), and for the first time I had no problems with an erection whatsover with the idea of having sex. However, in the moment we were going to try do it for the first time, she said it hurt too much (she is a virgin) and we decided to leave it!!!! But I am sure that Viagra is just a short term solution for me, and want to try and clear my mind of this mental block I have.

Please help if you can...


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Old 07-27-2005, 03:26 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 107
beck12 HB User
Re: Stress gets the better of me-help please!!!

When my hubby & I were first together he had that same trouble. As long as your gf is understanding, you'll work through it. It happened for a short span of time in the beginning & then NEVER again. I think the fact that it happened to you before (plus since she's a virgin & you're probably at least a little concerned about her pain) is all adding up to some major internal stress for you. The only advice I can offer is what I told my hubby (then bf) , if things aren't working out, we can just keep fooling around until it does work out & the next time after that the problem disappeared & it's been fine ever since. I agree that viagara is a short term solution, YOU have to believe it's fine & learn not to think so much about it. Getting an erection doesn't make you a man & it certainly doesn't make a you a good a lover. A good lover takes time to make sure that his/her partner is feeling great. As long as you're continuing to be loving & taking care of her body - I highly doubt she's 1/2 as worried as you are. Sex is great don't get me wrong, but if I had to live my life w/out it I could. There are plenty of other ways my huby & I can take care of eachother's physical needs - maybe you can try to build from there & take some of the pressure off just aiming to have sex. Good luck.

Old 07-27-2005, 07:26 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
Davky1982 HB User
Re: Stress gets the better of me-help please!!!

I had no trouble getting an erection. I ended a long-term relationship when I was 22, and started a new relationship with someone who wasn't mentally well. This put a lot of doubts/worry in my mind, about our relationship. Even though that relationship has ended, since then, I haven't been able to get a strong erection... for me it is a mental barrier.

Old 07-29-2005, 01:47 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 23
CostaRicaLD HB User
Re: Stress gets the better of me-help please!!!

Thanks a lot for your replies!!! I'm quite sure it something which I mentally have to get over. I often have difficulties feeling relaxed so I'm going to get some meditation classes or yoga!! dunnno yet!!!

Thanks again,


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