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want a male's take on this issue

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Old 02-08-2008, 05:43 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 10
abbycat1 HB User
Unhappy want a male's take on this issue

the background: we've been dating for 4 years, engaged a couple months ago. as usual, sex life was lusty and passionate for the first year. the beginning of the second year was less lusty, but still passionate ... and evened out to fairly "regular" occurrence (1-2 times per week).

when the problem set in: right around the middle of year 2. we moved in together and it turned into us only having sex when HE initiated. if i initiated (which i did, at that time), i was denied.

today: it has been 1 year and 3 months since we've had sex.

failed attempts: we've discussed the problem many times. from his own lips, he has "absolutely zero desire to have sex" ... he admittedly still masturbates, but "very rarely" he says. he then went to the doctor for it. again, from his own lips: "the doctor said that it was likely because i smoke {cigarettes only}" so he tried to quit. no success.

the rundown of likely reasons:
1. he's cheating on me (i honestly don't think he has the time to do that. and i'm a bit of a snooper on occasion so i think i would have found out by now.)
2. he's gay (i've blatantly asked this question, he denies it. he is somewhat effeminate, but nothing really leads me to believe that this is the case.)
3. he's a porn addict, and therefore unable to maintain a live healthy sexual relationship (this is a possibility. he has THOUSANDS ... hundreds of thousands ... of pornographic pictures saved onto his "personal" harddrive. all are females, usually alone, nothing kinky or shocking. he also clears his internet browser history, cache, and temporary files every single day, without fail.)

what answers i'm seeking:
any other ideas what it might be?
any thoughts on how to deal with it?
any advice on how to confirm what it might be?
anything else you'd like to say is always welcome.

thank you all for taking the time to read this. if you have any questions you'd like clarified, just ask and i'll answer. oh yeah, i also wanted to mention that we've both been in relationships before, including sexual relationships.

thank you again!

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