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Before I Ask

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Old 06-04-2001, 01:06 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Conyers, GA USA
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julbox HB User
Before I Ask

i am looking for some advice/input please. i am trying to avoid an argument if possible so please help if you can. i had a breast reduction last week and tonight i asked my husband if he would help me out in the shower to get some of the betadine, etc from around the incision sites. prior to my surgery and due to years (seriously) or ridcule turned to shame i wouldn't dream of letting anyone see me without a shirt on unless i was in the hospital or absolutely had no choice (crazy, but true). i had a VERY bad complex about the how saggy, floppy, etc i was. the size was becoming detrimental to my health (spine, posture, pain) so i was medically cleared by insurance for the surgery. he kind of looked at me on his way out of the shower and said, "I think we are both going to have a lot of fun now". i really didn't think any more about this until he went to bed. could this mean he has been turned off by the little he has seen me this whole time or that firm breasts are the only thing fun about me or sex or am i just overreacting because of my past and the fact i just had the surgery. it kind of hurts my feelings now that i am sitting here stewing about it. help if you can.

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Old 06-04-2001, 02:58 AM   #2
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dylon8000 HB User
Re: Before I Ask

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by julbox:
could this mean he has been turned off by the little he has seen me this whole time or that firm breasts are the only thing fun about me or sex or am i just overreacting because of my past and the fact i just had the surgery. it kind of hurts my feelings now that i am sitting here stewing about it. help if you can. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think you're overreacting. He probably meant that now that you aren't ashamed to take your shirt off you guys can get it on again!

Old 06-04-2001, 09:53 AM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Tennessee
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eweejoe HB User
Re: Before I Ask

I agree with Dylon, I think he's probably glad/hoping that now that you've have had surgery you'll be more willing to let him actually SEE them and enjoy them. You said it yourself, you've been ashamed and taunted by them for years, so how could that NOT effect him? I am not necessarily proud of my floppy breasts and wouldn't dream of going braless or anything, but hubby loves them and I think it would effect him if I were to not want him to look at them or enjoy them. Enjoy your new perky, firm breasts and don't read too much into hubby's comment. Sexiness is about being confident in who and what you are. I am going to venture a guess that you're more confident about your breasts than you have ever been and I am sure hubby is picking up on that and is excited. Like it or not, it is a turn off for a lot of men for a woman to be embarassed about or act ashamed of her body. Be proud of them and when you're feeling better...Shove them in his face and ENJOY his reaction!! <IMG SRC=""> You've gotten what you've always wanted, don't let little, insignificant comments ruin it.

Take Care!!


Old 06-04-2001, 10:44 AM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: WI
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cofi HB User
Re: Before I Ask

I think you need to consider a few things. First is the fact that you say you have had a major complex about your breasts (looks). Even now that they have been worked on you are still going to be very sensitive about that area of your body and what people say or think about it. It is natural for you to read more into a comment or second guess what was meant but if the person is a true friend or really cares for you remember that they are just being supportive. If you sit and stew about this it will only keep that old complex alive or may create a new one. I would talk to your husband and see what his feels are. If you have a deep loving relationship you should be able to do this without an argument starting. I think you will find that he respected your wish not to see or enjoy that part of your body in the past but is looking foreword to having access to a part of you that was off limits. He will not love you any more now than before you just have something new that will add to what the two of you already have. On the other hand this may expose him to be a selfish person and if that is the case you have a very poor relationship. Sorry to be so blunt. I am certain you will find this to work out to be a very good thing for both of you just like your husband had said. Good luck!

Old 06-04-2001, 12:19 PM   #5
Posts: n/a
Re: Before I Ask

Jul- I really think it was just that for once you are comfortable enough with your size to allow him to see you and help you. I think it was meant as a good thing.

I go in next week for my consultation, honestly how bad is the recovery? is the pain really tough? what about the scaring?


Old 06-04-2001, 02:06 PM   #6
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julbox HB User
Re: Before I Ask

the worst part for me was coming out of the general anesthesa, i was shaking so hard on the table. i have learned over the years that it is really the drugs they used leaving your system causing this feeling. They keep you wrapped in warm blankets but for the first hour after my surgery, it was pretty tough and very painful. they gave me meds but didn't always help. i am also having a hard time sleeping. it's worth it, but i feel we are in for a long road ahead and I personally don't like this lack of sex stuff that is going on right now. oh, well! Keep my updated and good luck.

Old 06-04-2001, 02:26 PM   #7
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keil HB Userkeil HB Userkeil HB Userkeil HB User
Re: Before I Ask

From a guy's point, I comend you on going through with the surgery, it will help you medicially & physically. As for the remark by your husband I think he meant you and him
(and the twins) will have more fun, become closer and just enjoy each other and life a lot more.
You asked him to help you shower and (I gather) he said yes..... be happy, you got what you wanted, and have a understanding husband.

Old 06-05-2001, 07:03 PM   #8
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 0
Kista HB User
Re: Before I Ask

Yea, your hubby probably has images of you jumping up and down on the bed naked and you feeling so sexy that you will shake them at him...stuff like that.

And you will no longer be self-conscious when he admires them.

Also, hon, be sure not to let new negative thoughts replace the old ones. you went thru a lot to get to this start loving them!

Old 07-04-2001, 09:57 PM   #9
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: Ohio
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Cutelilsunflower HB User
Re: Before I Ask

I just read this and hope you get the message..I am 24/F and had a Breast Reduction 11/96. First, I hope you are recovering well...Second, I'm sure you're over the comment now but I'm sure it was about you letting him "see" them again...Trust me, I know how horrible the "before" boobs can be. I was sooo humiliated to let people see them. They were huge and just ugly . ( I am only 4'10 1/2) and I always heard the "It would be so fun to have sex with her) I was sooo consious of how I looked. Let me tell you from being reduced for 4 1/2 years it was the BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE! I LOVE THEM <IMG SRC=""> My sensation is back and better then before. I hope you're doing well!

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