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I desperately need help

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Old 07-29-2003, 12:35 AM   #1
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puzzled43 HB User
Post I desperately need help

I'm 18 and I have a girlfriend that i really do love. On a mental and emotional level we click perfectly. I have one problem though. I am painfully shy. My shyness has effected me in many ways to this point in my life, but one way in particlar is with girls. My sexual experience with girls is non existant, and it is really starting to hurt my relationship. I love this girl so much, but I still have not really been able to overcome my shyness to make a move. We talk about it and I keep saying that I can get over it, but I have not yet. If I can;t get over this shyness it could cost me a girl I love with all my heart. It may sound like I;m a huge *****, but whatever, I don't care, I'm desperate, I don't know what to do. I just hate myself right now because I'm so stupid. If anybody can give me any advice or share any helpful experiences I'd be so appreciative.

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Old 07-29-2003, 05:17 AM   #2
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Hey bud, what are you so shy about? Are you afraid that she won't respond to your "moves"? It sounds like she's willing and wants this part of your relationship. I suspect that your shyness is about the physical aspect, how to start the foreplay that will lead to sex. Is that true? If are not alone man...we've all been there. Please don't let that stop you, just make the decision to move forward and do it. Don't expect too much of yourself or the sex, first times are rarely what we want them to be. What's important is that the two of you decide its time, then move forward. Work through the kinks together. If this isn't whats going on, I apologize. But don't let your being shy or any fear keep you from doing something you want to. Let us know if we can help in any other way! Good luck!

Old 07-29-2003, 05:57 AM   #3
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Puzzled43: You say you hate yourself because you're so stupid and that your sexual experience with girls is non-existent. Well, you're way ahead of me when I was 18, because you also say, "We talk about it". That's a good start to any relationship. You certainly don't sound stupid; you sound much more mature than I was at your age.

Like Lance2, I'm not sure what you're shy about. Anxiety about sex is normal; it is experienced by everyone I've ever heard talk about sex, and can be overcome in gradual stages. Forget about having sex for a while (I mean the actual sex act, which will happen when you're both ready). Get used to each other's bodies first. Explore. And read Lance2's post again. "First times are rarely what we want them to be" -- that fits my experience very closely.
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Old 07-29-2003, 10:01 AM   #4
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Give yourself a break man you're only 18. Just do what you feel comfortable doing. If you're scared to do it just wait until you're ready. It sounds like you feel pressured like it's something you HAVE to get done. Society is really ****** up these days. And whatever you do don't get drunk or take some wacky drug to get your balls together.

Here's another way to look at it: next time you wake up, give thanks to GOD that it's not because your baby's crying or from some burning pain shooting up your thingy. Leave that to the people who think they need to reach a certain quota of sexual partners before they reach 21.

Old 07-29-2003, 04:57 PM   #5
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elco HB User

Social anxiety and shyness can be effectively treated with the drug PAXIL....the effect is really quite amazing. The shyness just dissapears! Ask your doc about it.

Old 07-30-2003, 02:34 AM   #6
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JDinCA HB User

Originally posted by elco:
Social anxiety and shyness can be effectively treated with the drug PAXIL....the effect is really quite amazing. The shyness just dissapears! Ask your doc about it.
Social anxiety and shyness can be effectively treated with "time and experience" not drugs! He's only 18 and dealing with a subject matter he's just starting to feel he wants to examine further, difficult at any age, let alone as a teen! You sound like a sales representative for paxil, more than someone trying to help.

Your only 18 everything your feeling is very normal,stop pressuring yourself and take your time. Begin with slowly exploring each others bodies without having intercourse until your comfortable and really ready. Listen to your inner voice which you might be mistaking for shyness, and wait. Believe me, if you were as shy as you think, you wouldn't be able to maturely approach and discuss the subject with your g/f as you have, so give yourself more credit. But most important, proceed at your own pace and not by some notion of when the time should be right,we are all different, so when, and at what age will vary with each individual.

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