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Wanting Lots More - Men Help!

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Old 08-14-2003, 03:58 PM   #1
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2bzy2p HB User
Angry Wanting Lots More - Men Help!

I've been married for 14 years and my husband's sex drive is virtually non-existent. Every once in a while, when he feels guilty, he'll pull one out of the box for me and it's usually great - but he doesn't care whether he has sex or not. I'm a good looking, active woman, in great shape and men often come onto me. I love my marriage, husband, kids and want to make it great but not sure what to do. By the way, it's a really sensitive subject for him - refuses to discuss why he's not interested - any suggestions?

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Old 08-14-2003, 04:11 PM   #2
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Fuchsia_Lay HB User

overwork ?
perscription drug effects ?
others ????

Old 08-14-2003, 04:52 PM   #3
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2bzy2p HB User

Nope - no drugs, no outside influences, he's a straight up guy. fairly hardworking but successful doing what he loves. I can't figure it out!

Old 08-14-2003, 05:59 PM   #4
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german30 HB User

I see your topic is "wanting lots more", do you masturbate to help your desire?

Old 08-15-2003, 04:38 AM   #5
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Maybe he has a low testosterone level.

Old 08-15-2003, 11:45 AM   #6
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nutcracker HB User

I know you are probably not going to like the solution I am suggesting, but I will try anyway.I would suggest that he goes on a course of steroids.Eeek I hear you say!It's actually no biggie,the real only side effect is the tremendous sex drive.I am not kidding,it is great.The only down side being that when he stops{as he must after 2 months or so}his sex drive will return to normal.Until the next time that is....Anyways,I can tell you that it is fantastic while it lasts.If you want more info,just ask.

Old 08-17-2003, 12:47 PM   #7
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Porto guy HB User

It seems psychological to me...since he goes deep when he want s to...needs a psycologist...he ll fell more confortable to talk about it with another guy

Old 08-22-2003, 03:27 PM   #8
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Pendy HB User

I don't know if you are still following this thread but just in case...

You don't mention his age but after fourteen years of marriage I am going to guess somewhere in the range of 35 to 45 years?

I am 40 years old and have had the same problem for at least a year now. My poor wife is going just as mad as you are. I have been to the Dr. numerous times. The first couple of times they put me on testosterone patches, kept upping the dose. That didn't do a darn thing so they did more tests. Found that several of my hormone levels were low so sent me to a specialist. The specialist did tests and after a couple months I find out that his test say everything is normal. So he hands me samples of Viagra and says "sorry, don't know what it is."

The reason I tell you all of this is because I realize that something is wrong but I have a total lack of desire for sex. I want to have my sex drive back but it just isn't there.

If you can get him to the Dr. that is the best place to start. It could be something as easy as testosterone supplements or a thyroid problem.

It can be a difficult subject to talk about. Heck, all of a sudden we can't "perform"! That is a bad thing in the "man" world <grin>.

Hope this helps some.

Old 08-22-2003, 07:51 PM   #9
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JDinCA HB User

Try and get your husband to understand that he may have a chemical imbalance (no fault of his own) which can be treated with medication. But he has to go to the Doctor to get check out and given tests to determine what is out of sync and get it fixed so he can feel like himself again.

Old 08-25-2003, 04:28 AM   #10
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6foot2-190 HB User

After that long your sex is probably somewhat routine. Let him know you're up for something a little on the kinky, fantasies, etc. Also tell him you just want to get him aroused, and see him hard, no pressure to "make love". Even if neither of you orgasm just taking the pressure off and changing the routine might peak his interest. Maybe he has a little trouble (at least in the back of his mind) staying erect due to the same old - same old rut sex can slip into. Have a date and just pretend you're 16 again and have some fun.

Old 08-26-2003, 06:05 PM   #11
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FrJackHackett HB User

I was like that for quite a long time. I used to get plenty of erections, especially during the night, have dreams of sex and so on but nothing about it felt exciting any more. The prospect of intercourse, instead of creating anticipatory delight, gave rise to a feeling like, "I'll get this over so I can concentrate on so and so.." - something akin to a duty rather than a pleasure. My wife suggested pornography but pornography was useless, absolutely useless - I find most of it about as exciting as a doctor's consulting room.

I'm improving now, but only after I made a deliberate, cold-blooded decision to do so, to simply reacquire a mental intensity for sex. I began to work from the position of establishing the habit of expressing love and affection for my wife in sexually physical ways. (This may not be the right attack for everybody) I slowly realised that habit was a very large part of things, and I had slowly formed the habit of neglecting desire over many months.

We are creatures of habit and, provided no physical problems exist (the doctor said I was fine in every way - very healthy) it is possible to change our habits. It does take time and the will to do so, but it can be done.

I also found it beneficial to allow fantasies for women (real, ordinary ones, not film stars and pin-ups)I found attractive to develop. (No, I don't mean actually doing anything ! Just use them as fodder for the imagination.) It is normal for people to fantasise in this way and I had fallen into the habit of grossly neglecting it.

[This message has been edited by FrJackHackett (edited 08-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by FrJackHackett (edited 08-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by FrJackHackett (edited 08-26-2003).]

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