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Problem causing major depression

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Old 08-30-2003, 11:05 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Margate Florida United States
Posts: 56
LostCause HB User
Post Problem causing major depression

Im so depressed at whats wrong with me. I don't know what to do. Im 20 year old male, and when im having sexual contact i dont feel hardly anything but a warm wet feeling. I only get aroused by kissing and making out and such, and when someone goes down on me when im not already hard i cant get an erection that way.

I guess when im alone and looking at porn or something i can get hard, but when i get with someone i do get nervous and i think about it about loseing my erection because it happened once with a girl. Im freaking out about this and i dont know what to do. I want to be normal, i want to have a normal sex life, and enjoy this part of life, but i never can enjoy it. I want to be a normal guy, and i dont want this problem at such a young age. What can i do? Where can i get help? I dont want to have to tell my young boyfriend/girlfriend (im bisexual) that i have to take viagra to be normal. This makes me feel horrible about myself, Im a depressed person as is this causes more problems.

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Old 08-31-2003, 08:33 AM   #2
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Location: CT
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Modulus HB User

LostCause... First thing you should do is lighten up a little. Secondly, talk to your physician about your problem and see what he says. If he seems like he doesn't know what's going on, go see a urologist. Sex therapists might be able to help you through the phycological problems.

If viagra helps, take it. Who cares if it's for older guys... As long as you get a hard on, that's all that matters.

Old 08-31-2003, 09:39 AM   #3
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Location: Portugal
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Porto guy HB User

Yeah reason to depression!
Im no specialist, but sounds a bit psycological to me...perhaps, half psycological and half physical...a sexual terapist may help, ´couse u r insecure about ur capability to get hard...and that sure affect ur potence...u may have a low testosterone or something mecanical to...I would look for profissional help with a GOOD doc that has experience with this things
Good luck...and no reason to depression, theres people with much more problems in this same area, with the same age. Its more comun that u think.

Old 09-01-2003, 12:51 AM   #4
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Location: Brooklyn NY USA
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edgework HB User

Originally posted by LostCause:

I guess when im alone and looking at porn or something i can get hard, but when i get with someone i do get nervous and i think about it about loseing my erection because it happened once with a girl.
Based on your above statement, your problem is not physical. It's in your head and you need major surgery, but the good news is you can do it yourself.

As I see it, you are afraid that you will look bad. You're afraid that your lack of experience might show, that she'll know you're not a hot stud and that you'll be a miserable failure.

There are so many self-fulfilling prophecies here I don't know where to begin. Rule of thumb: everything you're afraid she might find out, she already knows. And she's with you anyway. Rule of thumb #2: it's all way more important to you than it is to her.

Okay, maybe some women have a fantasy of the romantic hero emerging from the mist and just taking her, without any preamble, without permission... but it's never a good thing to use this as your own standard. It's her fantasy if it exists at all. And certainly not when you're still getting to know her. If and when you become that person, then you'll know what to do. Until then, if you have to wonder, don't try.

I'm not advising you to "Show your vulnerability," or any new age stuff either. But I am advising you to be honest. If you're inexperienced, don't bother trying to hide it, it's already obvious. Use it. Just be who you are because you will anyway. But if you are trying to lie about it in the process, you're going to come off looking like a jerk. If she's impatient, or annoyed or doesn't like something about you, hey, get it--she's not the one you need to be spending your time with. It's no crime being simply who you are. Guys know they're not going to get a supermodel, women know they're not getting a 9 inch stud from a porn movie who can keep it up all night. Trust that who you are is okay with her and stop making excuses in your head. That will begin the process of shutting down the thoughts that sabotage you, and start creating the kind of interaction that will allow you to stop worrying about yourself and start taking care of your partner. Then you both win.

If they get you asking
the wrong questions,
they don't have to worry
about the answers

[This message has been edited by edgework (edited 09-01-2003).]
If they get you asking
the wrong questions,
they don't have to worry
about the answers

Old 09-01-2003, 06:05 AM   #5
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Hi LostCause. When you say, "Im a depressed person as is this causes more problems", do you mean that a doctor has diagnosed you as a depressed person?

If not, it seems to me that you need professional help to deal with your depression (and I don't mean with prescribed drugs). Only then will your sex life improve.

On the lighter side (and there is ALWAYS a lighter side ), there are many guys who would just love to feel hardly anything but "a warm wet feeling" when they're sexually intimate with their partner! If you "only get aroused by kissing and making out and such", count yourself as one of the lucky ones!

So, you once had a bad experience with losing your erection. You know you're not the only one this has ever happened to, don't you?

It sounds to me as though you are a "normal" guy -- a very sensitive, thoughtful guy who is a bit too obsessed at the moment with his performance.

Look to the future: things will improve. Best wishes.
I hear the beat of a different drummer
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