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Making things easier on him...

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Old 08-03-2003, 10:29 PM   #1
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Lightbulb Making things easier on him...

I hope that this is the right place to post this...

I've been in an LDR for over a year now and we started having sex in April. It was the first time for both of us and it was a really amazing experience. We did it a few times when we were together for that trip and it was great
After that things haven't been so great. We went away for a weekend the following month and were hoping to be able to make love all that weekend. The only problem was that I was having a lot of pain which made things difficult, including certain positions I know that he loves (mainly me on top since I'm built pretty small and he's afraid of squishing me!!). We still made love quite a bit that weekend but I wasn't so into it considering the situation. That put a bit of a damper on things but we were determined to make things better next time.
Since then sex has been a struggle and it still hurts. I've been to 2 Dr's now who both seem to think that I have a yeast infection and that this is the cause of the pain. I'm taking Diflucan right now to try and clear it up and have a pap test next week to make sure that everything is ok. My Dr. is also going to do some swabs just to make sure that I have no other infections or anything going on down there.
To top things off, since going on the pill my sex drive hasn't been what it used to be. My boyfriend is incredible and has always been nothing but kind, gentle and patient with me through all of this, but he has also become more and more frustrated with time. He seems to think that our sex life will always be this difficult and painful. I recently found out that he thought I wasn't into him anymore and didn't want to have sex with him. I had to explain to him that I just have a harder time getting turned on since going on the pill (I've recently switched brands so I'm hoping that this will change). Admittedly I'm also a little turned off because at the moment sex does hurt!
I love him deeply and want nothing more than to be able to make love to him without any complications (dealing with a LDR is hard enough as it is). I know that he finds a great amount of pleasure in my enjoying sex and having orgasms and I want nothing more than to see him enjoy sex and be able to move freely without concern for hurting me.
I have a lot of faith that this is just a temporary thing and that whatever is wrong with my body can be fixed. I'm not so sure about my b/f's self esteem in the mean time. I feel bad knowing that he's so upset about this. At the same time both of our patients are beginning to wear thin with the situation and we are fighting about this more and more.
Guys, given the situation is there anything that I could do to help him through this while I'm working with my Dr. to help clear things up? I'm not unwilling to be intimate with him in any way including sex (ALWAYS with a condom) until everything is cleared up. Itís really just his declining attitude and self esteem that I am concerned with.

(Sorry if this was long and I really hope that it makes sense)
Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal.

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Old 08-08-2003, 08:20 PM   #2
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JDinCA HB User

OK I will be very frank with you. You said, " Itís really just his declining attitude and self esteem that I am concerned with." If you want to make sure his attitude and self esteem don't get bruised and at the same time don't want to feel sexual pain then stop having intercourse until you get the problem fixed. But have very passionate oral sex. What I mean is make love to his penis like it's the best most beautiful piece of meat you ever could want. He should see a look of euphoric ecstasy on your face. Look at him while your performing oral on him and tell him all the things that excite you about his penis and use some dirtier words when your referring to it like don't call it a penis or dick but call it a **** it's more erotic to a man. Tell him how good it tastes and smells.Tell him how much you love the shape and color of his penis and how much you want his semen but call it C*M all over you. If you do this he will soon forget any negative feelings he was having and will be grinning from ear to ear.

Old 08-10-2003, 09:11 PM   #3
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What you said makes sense, but are there any responses that don't involve oral sex? Neither of us like or enjoy it!! I know this sounds crazy to a lot of people and that it could start a whole new discussion on its own but its something that we have decided against after a lot of discussion (I know, as if things weren't complicated enough already).

We will be together again this coming weekend and he is expecting everything to be fine but the reality is that things are not cleared up yet (I keep telling him this!!) I do have another Dr. appt this week so hopefully something will come of it before I see him.
We're really not sure when we will see eachother again after this - it could be months
Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal.

Old 08-10-2003, 11:14 PM   #4
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My Question is what part hurts? A thing that might be needed is the dryness. Add more lubricant. If both of you are strongly against Oral then, try anal! Girls and guys are different with things. He isn't a man if he can't please, and tend to his at the same time. Sex is a major issue for guys, guys will base their relationship on sex, as in where the lvl the relationship lies. Women are the opposite. He feels somehitng isn't right. Also, sensitive guys can't help but feel that it is him. You need to take and make him feel loved, and with the loss of sexual drive. Well, make yourself think on it more, and find yourself wanting it more. Once a women doesn't have sex for some time, she no longer desires. Which is also opposite of a male. Try more lubricant and try vaginal....and if not, try anal. I understand you might possibly be STRONGLY against anal, but if he isn't...Just let him, compermise a bit. Might be the saving tool. However, if you cannot let it be done. Get your medical needs done, but tend to him more and simply let him know he's the best in every way. Dont' do it too strongl where you turn him on, a guy gets turned on and wants something to happen...if it doesn't, he will become for sexually fustrated

Old 09-07-2003, 02:50 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Fort Smith, AR. USA
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CLynneS HB User

I was just wondering? If your BF can't understand the pain that you are going through and be more understanding about this situation, how will he respond to more serious issues? While sex is important in a relationship, it's not more important than your well being. That being said, the main reason I'm responding that you say you have pian during intercourse and have been to an OB/GYN. If I may ask, what test, if any, did they perform? Pain is NOT NORMAL during sex. I was having the same problem as well and even had some constant low back pain. I went to an OB/GYN who basically said it was all in my head. After about 9 months went by, the pain was unbearable so I went to another OB/GYN. He did a few test but found nothing. He then talked to me about doing a laproscopy(the OB uses a scope to look into the lower abs at the female organs)to check for conditions that can't be found through more non-evasive procedures. He did the lap and, BINGO, I had a condition know as "endometriosis". I have been symptom free since he did the lap and cleaned the endo. A lot of OB's don't listen to their female patients and endo goes undiagnosed until the patient finds an OB who will listen and perform the necessary tests. A lap is the ONLY way to confirm endo as it does not show up on ultrasounds and can't be found by regular vaginal exams. This condition is also more common for women who have never had children for some reason. If you have not had a laproscopy done and have no explained reason for the pain, I suggest you talk to your OB about the possibility of endometriosis. If the OB say you do not have it and did not perform a lap to check for it, THEN PLEASE GO TO A DIFFERENT OB!!!! That OB has done a big The only way to know is with a lap and any OB who says otherwise isn't worth the degree they have hanging on their wall. My husband and I could have been spared a lot of pain and frustration if the first OB would have taken the time to LISTEN to my complaints and symptoms. I know it is frustrating to your BF, but this is not one of those times when HIS NEEDS comes before yours. There was no amount of whining or complaining from my husband that was going to make me give in to to anything that would be painful to me. Any man, or woman for that matter, who feels that sex is THE MOST important aspect of a relationship, needs to grow up. And yes, having pain can cause one to get completely turned off by sex. Please let me know what you have discovered. You can email me at [email protected] Good luck to you both.

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