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I love my girlfriend,but i'm turned on by a man!I need your help!

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Old 09-06-2003, 09:10 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2
richiefine HB User
Exclamation I love my girlfriend,but i'm turned on by a man!I need your help!

i do love love my girlfriend! i am 17 years old,i have known her for 1 year!i wanna be with her all the time! Unfortunatly, when we have sex,i can't be turned on by this girl! Tell you guys,when i was 13,i stroke each other with my best friend when we were drunk!But that was just for fun!Since that, i always imagine man to man sex, that turns me on, even i search the man to man sex on internet, and masturbate by watching the man sex.But i have not have sex with man!does it mean that i am gay? but in real live, i love girl without doubt!however, the man sex turn me on! am i gay? i am so worried and confused! guys, can you help me? :<

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Old 09-06-2003, 02:30 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

Hi Mate. Your still at a young age where exploring is happening.I do believe when you say you love your girlfreind very much.You will find a percentage of males will have feelings on other men.It dosent mean you are gay though.

In regards to the druken fun you had with another male , there are lots of others who have also done silimar things but will only be interested in females.That was just another part of growing up.

You may find over time that your attaction to males may get stronger or it may stay the same , theres also the chance of it slowly fading as your sexually grows.If you feel that a male has more to offer do you know any gay men as freinds or can talk too?.

Maybe watch a gay porno and see what you think of the actions.Ive known men who werent sure and after watching a gay porno knew that there feelings with a woman was the strongest and thats all they desired.

If over time you find that your attaction to men has not changed and you still love your girlfreind , you could be bi-sexual.Maybe talk to girlfreind and let her know you have mixed feelings.What ever path of life you finnish up taking , you should have no regrets and try and enjoy life and be comfortable with yourself.Dont do the mistake i did of botteling it up inside and hoping it will go away.Its ok to talk to others about these things and dont forget there are trained professionals either by phone line or a local clinic who can talk to you about these things.

Just for the record im 29 and im gay.I only came out early this year as i was too scared before and i was trying to live the life of a straight man and couldnt.My mistake was hiding from the world and hoping i would meet mrs right and get married.I know now that is not me and i need to adjust my thoughts and get along with my life.

I just hope you can talk to someone near you and get the feelings/questions/thougts off your chest and help you grow and learn who you are.

Old 09-08-2003, 08:41 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2
richiefine HB User

Thank you for your replyment...your know...i am so confused now...i have no idea...wanna go to a new place to start a new live...but i love my girlfriend...i dont wanna leave her! Maybe i am bi...if so...i really dont know how to face all my friends...i act like a man,how can i be that depressed...anyway...thank you all the same!

Old 09-09-2003, 10:20 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: san diego
Posts: 1
jxaxkxe2003 HB User

Hey man,
I understand where you are coming from man! One thing you have to think about is the fact that you are feeding your fantasy by watching the porn. The first thing you have to do is get away from that.
At 17 your sex life might be a little confusing, but if you can chill a bit it will all work out. I know how bad I was looking forward to having sex for the first time at 17, but I also know how nervous I was too, would I do it right, would I be big enough.... that might add to the stress there.
I am not big on sex before marriage so I am not going to recommend you sleep with your girl friend, however when you masterbate try thinking of her, and don't masterbate in front of mirror or to gay porn.
There are people who have gone through what you are going through and and end up not being gay but happily married, so don't get all stressed out.
If you need more help try going to they have a lot of resources there that you can read up on.
Obviously I come at this from a Christian point of view I won't lie, but I also went through this too so hang on and relax you're going to be ok.

Old 09-09-2003, 10:37 AM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Posts: 105
Rikimaru HB User

Jake makes a good point here... don't confuse your fantasies with reality. Some folks really get into a kind of porn, because they love the fantasy of the scenarios.. but they would really never pursue those fantasies in real life. Sometimes, a person will get so into these fantasies that the line between their genuine interests and fantasies begins to blur.

To use an example, I used to do a lot of chat and roleplaying on "furry" boards. Furries are folks that are into anthropmorphic animals... not necessarily sexually.. just for fun, like how Trekkies are into Star Trek. But, there ARE those that use it for sexual fantasizing as well. You'd be surprised how many otherwise straight folks start playing on furry boards and then "realize" that they're gay. That's not to say some aren't.. but others simply get so carried away in the fantasy of M/M relations online that they begin to carry it into their real life (let's face it.. it's easier to find M/M cybersex online than it is if you're a male trying to find a woman). They dump their girlfriends, divorce their wives, or whatever.. and head out across the country to meet some guy they've never seen face-to-face. Then, when they actually get into a relationship with a guy, the start to realize that this just wasn't for them.

Evaluate your feelings in the real world.. not from what you get by watching a video, playing online, or looking at in a magazine.

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