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swaffles 12-22-2012 12:16 AM

Problems with erections and arousal
I am 24, and I've been masturbating pretty regularly since my early teen days. Around the age of 15-16 I started viewing online porn, and it increased more and more as I got older, as did the frequency of masturbation.

I noticed that it took more effort to get off and to maintain an erection the older I got and the more I did it. I began to watch porn more and I got to be more specific in what I wanted to view.

I recently have begun dating a girl I like a lot (now going on half a year), and before hand I rarely had any sexual contact with other people. We have been doing sexual things without having sex, and each time, it's very difficult for me to be aroused and maintain an erection, and it's impossible for her to get me off. I usually have to take over and then for some reason, it takes A TON of effort to get off in that situation. I find my girlfriend attractive and was excited at the prospect of her doing things to me, but it's proving to be too difficult to enjoy.

I had taken some steps, mostly a cessation of porn watching and a reduction in masturbation. I noticed some improvement, but then it got bad again as I slipped and began watching porn again.

Recently I have renewed my efforts to stop watching and to reduce masturbation, and today I think I hit a milestone: I hadn't masturbated for 3 days, and today, it was very easy to get off, and I didn't need to even fantasize about women or sex or porn, much less view it. It didn't take much effort, either. I was able just to focus on the feeling and progress from there. Historically, I could only get off if I thought about sexual things or watched porn.

So, I am going to take the initiative of NO porn whatsoever (I know I will probably have days where I will fail), and a large reduction in masturbation...hopefully this will help .

aowshea 12-22-2012 04:49 AM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
I think it would take awhile for adaptation. You can't banish them all completely in nearby times. You can only reduce one thing at a time. I'm glad to hear you want to reduce these 'self-ritual', because it's like to ask a person to cease from smokes.

I suggest you start from avoiding the porn. Because porn is a powerful trigger to bring up libido. It's also more fascinating to mstb after or while looking at porn. Most of time, masturbation alone has less sensation. That's first.

Second, start to have a schedule, like sports activities, more times accompanying her to mall, theatre, restaurant, church (if you're both are Christians), out of town on weekend, a tour, etc. As long as it kept you far from porn/internet.

With more practices, it shall become easily for you to handle your desire/will from watching porn. Don't worry, the will of masturbation would follow into a decreasing state.

Once you had accumulated the energy, and both of you want to have sex. That time, you would enjoy the real fulfillment of sex. Been there, done that. Yet keep maintaining and improvising. Next step, you would learn how to sustain for not having a brief ejaculation.

That's it. Good luck anyway. Any frequentitively self pleasurement may damage the body (read: energy of life). The pleasure was meant to be shared with your lovely one.

captjane 12-22-2012 05:27 AM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
Unfortunately porn is so graphic and so widely available that it really draws many men in, and when you start watching it at a young age, it affects how your brain gets stimulated sexually. But it does have a desensitizing effect but you have to remember it is fantasy, because women don't behave like that in real life so it sets up really unrealistic expectations about what sex with a partner is really about, and then "normal" sex with a woman just can't compete in your mind. If you want to have the real thing and enjoy it within a relationship, then staying away from porn is really important. You just have to look at it as fantasy vs reality, real sex is very enjoyable but it can't compete with paid porn stars (who in reality are just faking it anyway because they only do it because they are paid). In real life, women aren't being paid or have a director telling them what to do to sell a movie so the two scenarios are so very different. You are smart enough to have figured this out because men who become addicted to porn are usually unable to have a normal real life sex life, so they are just left with their fantasy world of porn and masturbation but can't have a real and normal sexual relationship anymore

aowshea 12-22-2012 06:37 AM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
Too much masturbations would procreate a very low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and low will in maintaining a healthy relationship, --in a man. Not only that.

Anger and closure personality had been conducted -unrecognizedly by such man. Typically, this was brought from tiredness after several masturbating / week. So, laziness is the product.

"One is enough for a man who is often masturbating. But not for the else type, many is too less for this other man."

Regarding my above post, -the energy of life-, if you are a married-man. You would know what this is all about. If a man who compounds the energy adequately, he may easily have the next rounds' hardness/erection. One is too few for him, hence his woman would get the advantages!

This is why, if you can, avoid porn or masturbation. Spare the energy to your partner, because the result is on the next days. You will encounter the most care from her. If do this often, the relationship shall endure. Cliche and niche of problems would be small, or less encountered.

P.S that One , means a time or fewer less session. While the 'many' means abundant or frequence. Sorry, for my sloppy. I like to write poetry as my best hobby.

mikeyhg 12-22-2012 08:03 PM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
Do people think it is more the problem of regular masturbation that causes problems with arousal and performance during real sexual situations or just the watching of porn. I am in a similar situation, should I refrain from masturbation for example if I wake up with a morning erection or just refrain from porn but masturbate when I really feel physically aroused?

aowshea 12-23-2012 12:11 AM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
Yes, especially if you focus your mind to the subject of the porn, and made a comparison between her and your partner. Hence, if the porn-star owns many aspects that looks better than your partner, then it may procreate a low-judgment to your partner. And it's unfair, because you don't deal with the feeling of the porn, which is impossible because photography is not alive object.

Remember, a porn-star had been selected because she had the best criterias, that most men's mind would agree she's physicaly perfect. Not to mention on how those photographers pick out the best seductive, best temptation, style, etc -in order to make you won't blink your eyes while looking at her pictures.

Once the porn-star is "outdated", the new fresh one appears. Well, if you always have such mind, resembling keep changing "visual-partner" of porn-stars. How can you love your partner? How can you learn to arouse for the only woman you love? Does it not make you think, to keep changing partner in life?

This is why a woman doesn't like his man to watch porn, she feels unwanted anymore.

So how can you be aroused much better if your mind would always think that the porn-star looks better than your partner?

The morning erection can be reduced if you learn the technique. Past time, I used a leaf from new feather-duster to tickle my ear, until it stops the erection. Now, the morning erection is not my habit anymore.

We are the one who should control our wee-wee. You should put its usage for the right timing. If not, then your wee-wee is the one that controls you.

Do you like such treatment, that you are controlled by your wee-wee?

JinL 12-29-2012 09:41 AM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
A a teen ager the sexual regeneratin my be just a few minutes for a male. As you get older it takes more time. By age 21, it may take up tp 24 hours or more.
Lay off the masterbation.

swaffles 02-15-2013 12:15 PM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
My condition seems to have really improved. I have laid off of porn almost entirely...about a week ago, for about 3 days, I was getting back into watching it, but I quit again, and before hand, possibly even months had gone by without me watching any.

I was also masturbating a lot less. I'm back to about once a day again, but that much doesn't seem to be hindering my progress..

Anyway, I can get hard and stay hard for quite a while now with my girl, and it's a lot easier for her to get me off with just her hand. Last night, she got me off three times. Before hand, it would take so long that I had to take over because she couldn't keep up the speed. Even then, it would take me a long time after she tried.

I felt more attracted to her last night as well. Well also tried boob sex a few times, with success.

It's a lot more fun now that it seems to be working!

ALSO, a huge tip I think really helped me: A lot of the issue I think was also due to loss of sensitivity. I then began applying baby oil several times a day, every day, and my sensitivity has been getting better, which is why I think it's easier for her to get me off. I am circumcised, and I think the lack of foreskin means I have to manually moisturize myself.

JinL 02-19-2013 08:57 AM

Re: Problems with erections and arousal
Stop the masterbation. Concentrate on her orgasm, not yours.

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