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Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

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Old 01-12-2007, 09:29 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2007
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MissJJ HB User
Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

I've done my reserch on why men masterbate and now I have a better understanding why they do. However, I'm still jealous when my man isolates himself away from me to please himself. I think... no, I know I'm a sexy women with deadly curves in the right place. But when I find his porn stash and see those ugly women who look like crack ho's to me it get's me up set and I get turned off by it to the point I don't want to touch him sexual for a while. And I don't like the fact that at times he'll masterbate and then get on top of me when he's done. It makes me insecure and (being a female) I think he's fantasies about those women while haveing sex with me. I'll admit, I am the jealous type. I want ALL of his attention. I wouldn't mind so much if he would invite me to masterbate with him. But he wants to be alone.

I try to be in his world by masterbating to porn myself. It's ok, I rather have the real thing or have someone watching me play with myself. I also feel a little guilty when I climaxe by myself. I think thats another reason why I'm jealous, too. I know he's having a good time without me and I want to be able to have a good time with him AND with myself, too. It seems like fun, but I can't just do it for five hours straight for two days like he does; 15 minutes the most!!

And one last thing: if masterbation is ok and normal, then why are people treating it like it's taboo? Why is porn sold on the "down low"?

P.S. This might help you help me... I'm a young sexy 26 year old lady with a young at heart sexy 36 year old man.

Tell me what you think...

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Old 01-12-2007, 09:38 AM   #2
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crimsonrose HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Hey there Miss JJ!

I don't think there's a guy out there that doesn't masturbate. Even if they have a dead sexy woman, like you. Sometimes I think it's something different and just because they like to fantasize and have a little alone time doesn't say anything about you. I wouldn't be jealous of that fact, because I'd rather have my boyfriend masturbating more often than out there sleeping with another woman! I'd just try to initiate sex more often and explain to him that instead of him masturbating so often, you'd like to do some one on one action instead!

Masturbation is healthy and normal, but a lot of people don't see it that way. They are ashamed and feel they need to hide it mostly due to the fact of religion- they feel it's not moral. Porn stores are a great thing in my opinion. It let's people play in their fantasies in a healthy way. More people should give it a try!!!

Good luck!!!

Last edited by crimsonrose; 01-12-2007 at 09:39 AM.

Old 01-30-2007, 06:29 AM   #3
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Ozzi HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

How active are you in bed? Honestly i'd rather have someone who looked "alright" who would also take some initiative to do things her way. Nothing hotter than a woman taking control in the bedroom.

Old 01-30-2007, 01:21 PM   #4
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Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

masterbation is normal no matter how attractive your partner is or how often you have intercourse.. it doesnt matter! sometimes a man or a women needs to do it, cant someone have sometime to themselves?? it is nothing you are doing.. if he chooses masterbation over sex all the time, then id be concerned, if not then it is nothing to be jealous over.. it doesnt matter how sexy you are.. you obviously have some self-conciousess if you are a very jealous person! if you were completely ok in your relationship i dont think youd need to be so jealous.. men are not objects, we dont own theM! id be upset if my man was jealous that i masterbate, and sometimes i dont want him to watch because its my alone time, and others i do! it has nothing to do with him..

Old 02-01-2007, 12:08 AM   #5
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CaliGirlie HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Ha ha, I know where you're coming from! I get really jealous when I find out my boyfriend has been looking at porn online. He doesn't do it that often, but just knowing that he's looking at other women and getting off frustrates me to no end. Am I not enough for him?!

But then again, I'm no stranger to masturbation, but I don't use porn whatsoever, just the fantasies in my head. And he's never in them! So I guess it's kind of hypocritical of me, but it's still aggravating.

Old 02-01-2007, 06:13 PM   #6
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Cool Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

No one believes me when I say this but really, I didn't start masturbating until a year ago. I just wasn't interested! No kidding. But out of desperation, and not wanting to start an affair, I turned to masturbation. I hate it. But I need a physical release. I now do this every day, but it just adds to my frustration that my wife is only marginally interested in sex.

Old 02-01-2007, 06:44 PM   #7
always smiling
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Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

My question exactly! I cannot stand the thought of my husband masturbating. I even caught him once, well, nearly twice. I've discussed this topic with my therapist. It's very, very bothersome to me.
I thought he stopped looking at the internet, because he promised he would. I also lost 50 pounds, so I'm thin now, which was an excuse he gave when I caught him, my being overweight.
I obsess over the thought of him doing it.
For a year or more, I wouldn't leave him alone in the house. I schedule all my appointments when he's at work or asleep. I'm afraid that he's going to masturabate while I'm in the shower-any free chance he gets!
I thought all was fine, but yesterday I came home from therapy and I found my hand lotion moved from the kitchen to his desk in front of the computer. Now I'm just drivng myself nuts thinking about why the lotion was there while I was gone. Hmmm. Do I dare question him about it?
One good thing though, for as much as he likes to masturbate by himself, he never touches himself in front of me. I don't think I would be able to handle that. Gross.
Ironically, I touch myself in front of him quite often, I have no problem with that!

Old 02-01-2007, 07:06 PM   #8
always smiling
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Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Oh yeah, I also wanted to add that my husband and I do have sex regularly. I also give him oral sex several times a week before he goes to work in the afternoon. So I would think he's getting it enough that he wouldn't have to please himself. I just don't understand the whole thing.

Old 02-01-2007, 09:22 PM   #9
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desertdweller HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Since there hasn't been much insight from men here, I will add my 2 cents. My ex preferred to masturbate to porn instead of having sex with me. I am told I am hot by men on almost a daily basis, so I don't think it was my looks. I did some research, and I found that many men prefer the ease of masturbation as a sexual release. There is no pressure to perform, hold off, be a good lover, satisfy someone else, be judged by someone else. It's a combination of being selfish, insecure, and just pure horniness. It's all about them, and no one else. When I learned this, I decided it didn't have anything to do with my inadequacies , it was him . Like the others have said, if it's just sometimes it's not a big deal. If he prefers masturbation to sex, then there is an issue.

Old 03-09-2007, 10:25 AM   #10
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alaineOconnor HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

I was going through and I saw this and I had to comment. I know exactly how that feels - well maybe not exactly, I have never walked in on him masterbating and anytime I have ever mentioned it just curiously, he says he doesnt. We have been together for over a year now. I am extremely sexual person, I feel that it is a very important part of a relationship. Our sex life was awesome when we first got back together (we weretogether for 6months 2yrs ago). Since then however things have slowed down. There are times when we go more than a week without having sex which is frustrating for me but I try to understand - I know he gets stressed with work and tired etc....
Honestly I know I would have a problem with him masterbating when I feel we dont have sex nearly as often as we should anyway. Thinking about him doind that with himself when he could be doing it with me makes me bonkers I hate when I get the feeling that for some reason its me and thats why our sex life has slowed down so much. When I first met him and we got together sex was so frequent - in fact he even complained that it wasnt happening as often as he wished and we were having sex WAY more then than we are now. It just gets frustrating and I can completely relate to the jealous thing. I am such a jealous person when it comes to him, I have never had that problem before with any other man, just him. I thinks its because other men I have been with have always made me feel so sexy, so wanted - all the time. He doesnt do that. I know he loves me but I want him to WANT me the way I want him all the time. I dont know, I just could relate thats all.

Old 03-10-2007, 07:49 PM   #11
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Trixibel HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

funny, isn't it, how everyone's reactions are so different?

my husband is a morning person and gets up to go to work on week days at 5.30 in the morning. needless to say I'm not in the mood at that time of the morning so he masturbates in the shower once or twice a week. i don't have a problem with that. if i have my period i'll help him do it himself, or do oral. it turns me on, watching him masturbate. i'm not sure how i'd feel if he was doing it to porn, but i'm not so naiive that i think he's thinking about me while he does it (lol!!) probably thinking about blondes with big breasts!!

Old 03-12-2007, 06:55 AM   #12
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Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

I'm not getting why so many people think just because a woman is uncomfortable with her husband masturbating she's insecure. My husband and I had this conversation last night, because although he much prefers me over his hand, there are times when he needs release. I told him its not the actual getting off I don't like, its the thought of him looking at or thinking about other women that bothers me. Does that make me insecure? I don't think so, I think it makes me normal. Unless your into your man getting off on other women, and I don't see any problem with that either if thats what you like, why would you not feel weird about it? I don't think my husband is going to cheat on me, I know he loves me, and he wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with one of the women he fantasizes about, but honestly, I don't think he would appreciate me getting myself off while looking at a playgirl mag. We came up with a solution last night, his great idea. Pictures of me in provocative positions that he can use as visuals. Does this mean he will never fantasize about others? Maybe not. But this was HIS idea on how to make us both comfortable for those few times he does please himself. Gives me a little more confidence about the whole thing if he's willing to be that open and try to solve the problem instead of sneaking. Anyway, theres my speech, good luck!!

Old 03-12-2007, 07:34 AM   #13
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Sublime, I think it's awesome what you and your DH agreed to do with the naughty pix of yourself. See, there's a good relationship. No manipulation, no game-playing, no keeping things to yourself and driving yourself nuts. You had a problem with something, you two addressed it and came up with a rather creative solution! Kudos

I really don't think there's a solid, black-and-white answer on this one. See, I think I'm "normal" because if I'm not in the mood and DH wants some whoopee, it doesn't really bother me if he fantasizes to satisfy himself. I don't want to control his thoughts that way. He's a fantastic lover and a wonderful guy.

If it got to a point where he'd rather fantasize and masturbate instead of be with me, or if he was getting erections in really inappropriate situations (like if there's a pretty girl in line ahead of us), um, yeah, we'd have to "talk." But I have all sorts of thoughts all day, some sexual; some not. I don't think it would be fair of anyone to try and control my thoughts. I'm not a criminal, and I'm not a deviant. I would expect my spouse to have that much respect for me.

I think where the term "insecure" comes about is because if you're in a committed relationship and in love with each other, a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. Your partner is with you. You're the one he touches, kisses, interacts with, laughs with, etc. Some folks think if your SO is going to think about someone else, well, logic would stand your SO is going to act upon those thoughts. That could be defined as being insecure if you don't trust your SO enough to let he or she think on their own and still have a strong desire for you. It could also be defined as being controlling when it gets to the point of telling your SO what thoughts they're allowed or not allowed to have.

I'm not "into" my DH having fantasies. It just doesn't bother me, since he exceeds my hopes and expectations in every aspect of our married life. That, to me, is what's real, what I can touch, hear, see, smell and taste. I've had really, really hot sexual dreams about celebrities, as well as co-workers. Dreams I've thought about often in the days following those dreams. That doesn't mean my love for DH is any less or doesn't grow. And I would never, ever act upon those thoughts and dreams ... yes, even if Russell Crowe was standing right in front of me in a Gladiator outfit

Again, really cool what you two have done to make things good. In the end, no matter what anyone's thoughts (no pun intended) are on this issue, what matters is being able to come together and work towards a resolution so that you're both happy

Old 03-12-2007, 03:23 PM   #14
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chevyman HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Yes I agree with what subline71137 DH has compromise with.
but on the honest side most of us men do have fantasises with the other woman, I know I do all the time but that does not mean I'll act on it...No

if a man does then his realationship is shakie to began with, or he is not happy with his sex life and its him thats insucure.

what does it hurt if and when we look and fantasise? in the privacy of our own home!
if my g/f was up-set with me doing that yeah I would think she is inscure but she not.
I think it just improves love making in my opinion with the one you love.
some women wants total control and when you guys start to control our thoughts... then that just might lead into something that may or may not destroy a good realtionship.

Last edited by chevyman; 03-12-2007 at 03:29 PM.

Old 03-13-2007, 06:02 AM   #15
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Music4All HB User
Re: Why do I get so jealous when my man masterbates?

Originally Posted by CaliGirlie View Post
But then again, I'm no stranger to masturbation, but I don't use porn whatsoever, just the fantasies in my head. And he's never in them! So I guess it's kind of hypocritical of me, but it's still aggravating.
Points to CaliGirlie for recognizing the potential double standard.

If you have been around these forums for any time at all, you have seen that CaliGirlie is likely the current norm for women. It is a stereotype and, even an hypocricy, that we see women doing very similar things as men, yet contributing to the notion that only men behave this way.

Look these boards over. Women masturbate in large numbers and fantasy is as common in women as it is in men. Women may be more imaginative and men more visual in this, but that is likely where the differences end.

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