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jji1984 06-17-2007 01:38 PM

Need help ladies....

Im posting on this board because i need help with my girlfriend and im hoping maybe you ladies here could give me an idea as to what to do about her.

Ok my girlfriend is 18 and im 22, we have been together for a year and 6 months.We started having sex about 2 months into our relationship and it was great.She would constantly talk about wanting to make love to me like everyday, even though we only got to really do it maybe once a week because of we both were still with our parents so getting the chance to was kinda hard.She would always seem to be looking forward to us making love almost as much as me, maybe even as much.We would also make-out alot and just really get into kissing when we did kiss.Well everything was like this up until around X-mas or so.She just seems to have slowly stopped saying things like "i want to make love to you so bad", and she doesnt make-out with me anymore, and she doesnt seem to look forward to having sex like she did this time last year.I mean she doesnt even mention it at all anymore.

The last few times ive brought up wanting to make love to her, she turned it around and started asking me if thats all i ever think about.I do say random things here and there about wanting to make love to her, most of the time its a situation where she is nude or trying on somthing new she got, and ill tell her how sexy she is and that i want to make love to her.I say it as a way to let her know i think she is beautiful and that she turns me on, and yes somtimes i would really like to make love to her right there.But i mean it isnt all i think about.And ive been saying these things for as long as we have been having sex.So i dont know if that is anything to do with it or not.

When we kiss its quick, like im in a rush kinda kises.Even though we may be doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching tv or somthing.Ive recently started to try and make-out with her when we kiss, but we kiss for a sec or 2 and then she finds somthing to distract her and she pulls away.

I now feel like if i bring up wanting to make love to her, she will get mad and start saying thats all i think about.So im afraid to try to ingnite sex by kissing on her or anything like that because im so scared that it will end up making her mad at me again.I cant really just bring this up to her because once again, she would start thinking that its all i think about.It is all i think about now because i cant figure out why she is being this way now.

I know she loves me it isnt that, and i know she isnt cheating on me, i just dont know what is causing her to act like this.She started Birth Control in November but its Lo dose and i dont think that is it either.Last night she started talking about how she doesnt feel good about herself and she thinks she is fat and ugly.I tell her all the time how beautiful she is and she isnt fat at all, i mean she really isnt.She is about to start her period in a couple of days and that always makes her feel fat and stuff, but she hasnt been like this about it before.

I love her to death and i plan on spending my life with her, but the way she is being with this stuff is killing me.I want her to be like she was about things before, i want her to start talking about it like she did before.I want to make love to her and her be excited about it again, instead of acing like thats all i want her for.

Can any of you ladies give me a clue as to what may be causing her to be like this, is it me?, or is there somthing going on with her?.Please help me figure out what might be wrong with her. Thank you so much!

Kszan 06-17-2007 02:47 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
Is she on the birth control pill? Not sure if you knew this but the pill totally kills a woman's sex drive. That's why it's such a great method of contraception. It makes a woman stop wanting to have sex all together.

duzford 06-17-2007 03:16 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
Is there any event that may have turned her off. It sounds as if maybe she was sexually abused by someone and may not want to tell you or perhaps she is being teased at school for being "easy" or "loose". Also, are you her first partner?

Leaf80 06-18-2007 10:59 AM

Re: Need help ladies....
Do you touch her non sexually? Do you do things together that doesn't always involve sex? Sometimes when a man touches his S/O all the time and leads to sex, she begins to feel that she is only worth having sex with and no other form of touching. I totally get that she turns you on, but maybe you should just sit on the couch and hold her and or hug her without trying to make it lead to sex. It's great to be touched sexually and to have fun with it, but sometimes people (not just women) like to be appreciated without it leading to sex. She probably is starting to feel pressured that all you want from her is sex.

I could be wrong though, wouldn't be a first. It could very well be the birth control pills. Hope you guys get this all worked out.

Megn80 06-18-2007 01:31 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
It's possible that the "honeymoon phase" is over. Which totally sucks and I think every relationship has that. But if she's not feeling good about herself maybe thats another reason. Is she depressed for some reason? Good Luck with this!

dammie 06-18-2007 04:02 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
Honestly, i think you should talk to her about it. She may not even realize that she's doing it. It could be a lot of things like maybe it's that time of the month, or maybe she's starting to gain weight and is starting to feel ugly, or maybe she had a pregnancy scare and now is afraid to have sex again. I hope this isn't the case with you, but a friend of mine said that when she no longer loved her bf she couldn't have sex with him anymore. Anyway, talk to her about stuff in general to see if something is bothering her and take it from there.

mannie8 06-18-2007 06:51 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
It sounds to me like her feelings for you may have changed. That's what happened to me when I started giving the quick kisses instead of long loving ones, became less interested in sex, etc. I couldn't do it since my heart wasn't in it anymore. But it could be that the hot n horny phase of the relationship is over. Or if she is extremely upset about her body she may not feel comfortable being naked and trying to avoid sex so she doesn't have to be. There are a lot of things, but I'm afraid you'll have to ask her to find out.

jji1984 06-19-2007 03:53 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
Hi again,

Ok who ever said somthing about her being abused, she told me when we 1st started dating that her last BF was abusive.But that has never affected anything with us before, so i do not think that has anything to do with it.The birth control pills im not sure about.I knew from the begining that they could have an affect on her sex drive, but im really not sure those are the problem either.I mean if so then that explains her not ever saying anything about wanting to make love to me, but would that also affect her not kissing me like before 2?.

And as far as me constantly touching her in sexual ways.I hardly ever touch her in a sexual way, because most of the time im afraid she will get mad if i do.But the funny thing is, she is always touching my penis and rubbing it here and there.So i end up getting turned on and she stops after a couple of seconds.So i mean it seems like she still wants to have sex from her always doing that but she just never says it anymore.And why cant she kiss me like i want her to if she can take the time to get me all turned on by touching my penis,she could take some time to give me a really great kiss right?.

I know that it isnt because she doesnt love me anymore because she says it all the time and we do cuddle and get along great.I mean would she still seem to be so happy with me if she really wasnt in love with me anymore?.

I wrote her a long email and sent it to her telling her about all this stuff and how it bothers me, but she read it and never said anything to me about it.We had just had a disscusion over her thinking all i want her for is sex, the night before she read it.So maybe she didnt say anything about it because she didnt want to get into it again at the time.I intead to ask her what she thought about it when we can sit down and really talk, but i am afraid to start anything about it, because i dont want it to look as if it is all i think about you know?.

I talked to her abit the night before last about her thinking she is fat and ungly right now, and i told her that i loved her and that i didnt care what she said she isnt fat or ugly.But she kept shaking her head yeah, and if i told her she is beautiful she would shake her head no and say she was fat.She told me to give her a couple of weeks until her period was over and she didnt feel fat anymore, then she would feel beter about her self and she would want to have sex then.But i have been with her for 1yr and going on 7 months now and she has never acted like this before her period,or while on her peroid.So Why would she be acting like this now?.Besides all the stuff about her not kissing like she did before and not talking about wanting to make love anymore, has been going on for a few months now.It hasnt just started over the last few days before her peroid.

Somthing interesting did happen yesterday though.We went to the mall and went to this store that sells some sex related things for couples.Like games to play, the panties that can be eaten, sex books and just things of that sort.They also have alot of joke things like pens in the shape of a erect penis, and things like that.Anyway we were in there looking for some kind of funny thing to give her grandpa for his retirement party.And she went walking by the sex stuff and just looked at it as she walked by.Well later on when we were waiting to order some food in the food court, she told me to come closer she wanted to tell me somthing.So i leaned over and she said "i want to have sex with you tomorrow night" (because we will have the house to ourselfs tonight),she said that looking at all that sex stuff made her start thinking about doing it with me and she wanted 2.

So i was really excited to hear her say that, i was happy the rest of the day and i still am.I have been dying to make love to her for the past week, and the moment she said that i wanted to do it right then and there.But now i am kinda worried, because that was all she said about it.She hasnt said another word about it at all.Nothing hinting that she still wants to or anything.I have made a few coments letting her know how excited i am about it and how i couldnt wait, but even then she wouldnt say anything back about how she was excited or how she still wanted to.I mean whats the deal here?, she says she wants to 1 time and thats it noting else at all, no hinting at it nothing.

So now im waiting till tonight to see how it goes, im kinda scared that she no longer wants to and that i am gonna make her mad if i try to start kissing on her and try to get her turned on.Ill live if she doesnt want to, but ill be abit dissapionted that she got me all exited and then didnt want to.

I just really have no idea what her deal is when it comes to sex anymore.I mean is there somthing that she keeps waiting for me to do or say, that im not.Ive thought about just grabbing her when she didnt expect it, and thorwing her down on the bed and just start making out with her like i want to so bad, and then when i see that she is getting turned on start taking her clothes off and make love to her like there is no tomorrow.But doing somthing like that would scare me to death to ever try it.Cause i dont know what i would do if she freaked out and got really upset over it.

What do you girls think, would doing somthing so risky like that be a good idea?.Or would i end up screwing myself for trying it?.I mean it wouldnt even have to lead to sex, what if i just grabbed her and started making out all romantic like, would that make her mad you think?.I know everyone is different but im just trying to get girls opinions about it.Thanks :wave:

Leaf80 06-20-2007 09:02 AM

Re: Need help ladies....
Well from what you've written, it's probably not you at all. You says she thinks she is fat and ugly, that right there can hinder a womans prowess in the bedroom, the ol self esteem issues can be a really big libido killer for a lot of women.

Why does she think she is fat and ugly? Does she compare herself to the airbrushed women of pornography? Or to models? Has she gained weight because of the pill?

Unfortunantly, she is the only one who can answer your questions, and I think you should sit her down and have a discussion about it, not only the sex but about your relationship in general. Communication is really the only way to keep a relationship healthy.

jji1984 06-22-2007 01:14 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
She has said things when looking at a magazine or the internet about how she would like to look like some girl that is on there.But i tell her that she is beautiful and i love her.She isnt going by them being tan and all that, she just wants to be in better shape like them.She in all honesty could be more toned, but so could i.That is the problem with her is that she isnt fat at all, she just needs to be toned up and she doesnt understand that.She just thinks she needs to diet and just loose weight, and that isnt gonna get her like she wants to be.I think she is just fine myself, i think she is hot and she turns me alot.So as far as i am concerned she doesnt need to do anything to herself.

Anyway the last few days she has been acting alot better about everything.I still havnt talked to her about the email i sent her, buti may just leave it alone and see how things go.

The 1 thing that drives me insane is how she seems to want to have sex when she is on her period, like everyday she says or does somthing indcating that she would like to.The problem with that is, she doesnt want to have sex when she is on her period because of the mess that it would likely make.That and the fact that she isnt confrontable with me seeing her when its that time.But when her period is over so is her desire to have sex for the most part, unless i bug her about it myself.Im pretty sure that no matter how hard i try to get her to do it while on her period, she wouldnt for anything.Unless things down there were very light and almost gone, then maybe she would, i dont know.

Anyway sorry about that just had to vent a little i guess.The good news is that she has been alot better so maybe she was just having a bad week or somthing and was kinda taking things out on me.But then again she is on her period right now so that maybe the reason she is being better about sex and stuff as well, so we will see.

HAGFAN 06-27-2007 06:59 AM

Re: Need help ladies....
Welcome to the wonderful world of women brother!!! :0)

FromSqueaky 06-27-2007 09:00 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
You can have sex in the shower. That way you clean up the mess as you go.

I put a towel under me. I have a special red colored towel that I use. I hate stains so if I use any other towel I will see the stain and it will drive me nuts. If she is like me I am more aroused when I am on my period. All I think about is sex.

snobun1 07-07-2007 02:27 PM

Re: Need help ladies....
A year and a half. Hot and heavy then relaxed and removed. I might say her buddies have soemthing to do with it, birthcontrol may too. Friends may be telling her your not the one, (friends find it easier to live anothers lfe rather than thier own). Her talking negativly about herself - all you say won't snap that its actions. So she wants to be more fit - start walking or riding bikes after dinner, rolleblading - hiking- what do you like to do you can do together- I am not a gym person but maybe you two are- go to the gym. Excercise can make you tired but it can also increase the desire. Time together not just sitting on the couch- she could be bored.
Get her a massage - take her shopping if shes a shopper- buy her a new outfit and help her pick it out. Go away for the weekend no sex preminitions.
Period sex- she's on placebo this week so sex drive will increase, use a towel, they wash - then when done shower together.
She might be in a place where she isn't sure- maybe her last relation ship was great the 1st year then went south- so she's waiting for the south?
Walk up behind her when she's making dinner - kiss her so softly on the back of her neck with your hands lightly on her hips, say I love you- then offer to help her with dinner or dishes. No sex.
Build her confidence with what you do -not what you say - women love the little things.
Oh also you can get those plug in scent things from bath and body - get one with the scent to relax or engage.
Offer massages in bed with oils - show her you can touch every inch of her body - massage it front and back with out getting a boner, relax her- kiss her goodnight- no sex. You'll drive her crazy.

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