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I'm too dumb to understand wife

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Old 06-10-2012, 01:10 PM   #1
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dselk01 HB User
I'm too dumb to understand wife

Where to start? Well this is my second marriage and I have been going through hell for such a long time (40 years). As I mentioned both my wife and I are in our second marriage. She has two sons by her previous husband who was her high school sweetheart. She was a virgin when she married him. I had one daughter from my previous marriage and together we had another daughter. The daughter was born during our second year of marriage, since that my wife has had absolutely no desire to kiss, absolutely no foreplay, no sex, touch my penis or even hug me. First I thought it was because I had heard that women never stop loving the man who she has first sex with. I have to go back here to the first two years before our daughter was born, she was not real crazy about sex then either. She has had all the hormone and additional tests for her symptoms with good results. I have gone as many as forty years without any affection and twenty years without sex. I guess that of all the problems I mentioned, the lack of kissing and signs of affection are the worst. Besides the lack of affection and sex I still love her more than life. It just hurts so bad to not receive any love or affection in what I would consider normal frequency. Not once has she given me a hug, kiss, or said I love you. She only will say "I love you too" after I have told her I love her. Am I nuts?

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Old 06-10-2012, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: I'm too dumb to understand wife

No, you are not nuts, and you are not to dumb to understand your wife.

Have you ever talked to your wife about this problem, a sit-down serious conversation? There are lots of things that could cause a woman to act or react this way. Previous sexual abuse or trauma, physical abuse, a bad relationship with first husband, being raised in a family where emotions were not spoken aloud or shown physically, hormonal imbalance, the change of life, etc.

It's probably well past time to sit your wife down and have a very frank and honest discussion about her past, her past relationships, her past sexual relationships and sexual history the way she was raised to feel and discuss emotions, these kinds of things.

There is something in your wife's history that is making her act this way. You said she's done all the medical testing and that's okay, so you need to start looking deeper. But also, be aware, digging up emotional/physical trauma is not always an easy thing. Once these burried feeling of your wife's are unearthed they'll need to be dealt with.

I hope that you guys can get things sorted out and she'll be able to come out of her shell and realize what a loving, caring guy she has right there in front of her. Try to be patient and gentle with her and help her get back to enunciating these feelings to you. Don't let her blow this off as something unimportant, it is an important part of your've went far too long without the closeness and intimacy that you deserve.

Take care,


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no interest, wife has no sex drive

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