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My Love-Hate relationship with My Anxiety




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Old 07-12-2016, 06:02 AM   #1
niki4486
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Angry My Love-Hate relationship with My Anxiety

Hi there, 22 year old guy with normal health but loathable anxiety.

I have a complex issue with my anxiety disorder, in ways that my anxiety loves to make up a problem and then run around with it until it finally ends (but with slight scars). This isn't about worrying about some stuff, oh no.



My anxiety loves to create problems that didn't exist, but really put a dent on my quality of life. Example :

- Can't stop swallowing my saliva - problem. I accidentally swallowed my saliva more often than usual due to what I ate at that time. It began spiralling into repetitive swallowing, large bulk of saliva producing, and then even create a problem with 'choking' on saliva, worrying saliva entering the trachea (which is totally fine now). Of course, this only occurs if I focus on it. If I'm focusing on something else, it won't happen. That is anxiety, and I hate him. The problem recedes now, thank god.

- Sneezing problem. Sneezing sensation but without the sneezing. Then the sensation lingers for god knows how long. I can concur this is anxiety, as I am mostly fine now, especially after I realized that not sneezing isn't a health hazard.

- Forgetting to breath as you fall asleep problem. Usually only happens while I was sleeping on my back. I can assure you this is anxiety, as I fell asleep in the same way - but with a catch - I wasn't planning to sleep.

- And now, pooping problem. Specifically, I 'shy' my poop and pulled back juuuust as my poop is about to break free. Then it spiralled to constipation, straining, etc. Luckily, I don't get hemorrhoids yet. But now my anus feels like its shut tight, or the feeling of pulling back, or worse, "the fear of if I pull back my poop and therefore failing my dump". Before, pooping is as simple as drinking two glasses of water and boom goes the poop!



I'm going to call my anxiety "Chad".
He's for now, literally controlling my life.

I think I want to see a therapist. But... I live in SEA. The notion of 'mentally ill' is pretty ugly here. I thought of opening up to my parents that I had anxiety with one of these problems (sleep apnea-like anxiety problem), and they took me to a private hospital instead of I was hoping to see a psychatiarist. Telling them takes a lot of guts, and I don't think I'd be able to tell them soon.

Oh, and lets not forget. I have social anxiety disorder as well! It's less prominent nowadays (yay, I can do public speaking now!), but I remember the days of avoiding frequently travelled paths, avoiding people, etc.

Well, that's all for now!

Last edited by Administrator; 07-12-2016 at 07:36 AM.

 
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