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    Old 07-31-2009, 07:52 PM   #1
    intangible pain
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    Can't stop the negative thoughts

    I have only been dealing with serious problems with anxiety, panic, and depression for a few months now. The depression is one thing but the panic and constant anxiety are what I cannot handle. I have been seeing a therapist and am going to a pyschiatrist next week. The therapist thinks strongly that I have an obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety disorder. Once I get started on a negative thought it consumes me to the point where I cannot even leave the house lately. I cry endlessly because the "pain" of feeling so panicked all the time is so hard to understand and get relief from. I panic about everything from my appearance (my skin has been getting pretty bad due to the stress and also because due to my panicking over it getting worse I impulsively opted for a treatment that has left me looking worse than ever and most likely will be permament). The panic I feel everytime I look in the mirror knowing I did that to myself in a state of panic leaves me feeling even more panicked. I don't want to leave the house or have anyone see me. The thought of having to see anyone sends me into an awful state and my mind begins to fill with every reason of how my life is never going to have happiness again. I am beginning to feel increasingly desperate to get the feeling of panic under control. Almost anything can set me off to the point where I can pretty much no longer listen to music, watch tv, sleep, or even carry on a conversation.

    My therapist said that I definitely need to go on some kind of meds to get my obsessive thoughts under control so as to not let them take over my life completely so I can realize that life is worth living and there can be happiness again. I am nervous about meds as I had been prescribed xanax over the last week due to increasing anxiety. The xanax dulls the panic but then I feel like I can't get in touch with my emotions and I feel very strange. I am in a constant state of discomfort, with myself, my surroundings, and thoughts of the future. At this point the seconds tick by soo slowly because I am constantly battling all of the negative thoughts that are constantly swirling in my head. I can admit that at this point I am so drained and really am feeling like I just have to give in to them because fighting it is too hard. I know this is the wrong way to think but I can't help it anymore. Sorry this is long just needed to put this out there.

     
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