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Newbie. Hope This Helps Myself or Someone Like Me.




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Old 07-29-2014, 04:01 PM   #1
WaterBottle1
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Roseville, CA, USA
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Newbie. Hope This Helps Myself or Someone Like Me.

For as long as I can remember, I have had anxiety. As a child and embarrassingly enough even as an adult, I had separation anxiety from my mother. In Elementary School I can remember I would get the butterflies in my tummy on the way to school- begging my mother to let me stay home throughout the entire car ride. I would do anything just to get out of presentations (group or solo)- I didn't mind a ten-page research paper in the least. I hated being far away from my house or my things, I hated change of any kind, etc. I had always been able to kind of weather through any major anxiety episodes as they came and then I'd be safe until the next one threatened.

I'm 29 now and for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I'm scared of the physical symptoms I'm having after my last panic attack (I have recently been diagnosed with GAD and PD). My mother passed away four years ago and I was surprised at how well I held it together, given the separation anxiety (we were literally all the other had). I kind of picked myself up and carried on the best I could. But a few weeks ago, I attended a funeral and had the worst panic attack of my life and just like that, years of anxiety has come flooding back. I am having depersonalization and derealization etc. for the first time in my life and I can't help but question my sanity. Even though as I type this, I am well aware of the fact that I am sane. Not knowing how to fix this problem (started medication, relaxation therapy, daily exercise, eating healthy, trying to be more positive) when I felt normal ("normal") three weeks ago is probably the most frustrating thing that has ever happened to me.

I'm not sure what else is left to try or if there's even any hope to recover from this. I would much rather have some sort of physical ailment than this mental one- I can't ever seem to get any relief from it and it's exhausting.

 
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