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    Old 11-02-2017, 05:10 PM   #1
    johnnyq77's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2017
    Location: Cincinnati, OH
    Posts: 4
    johnnyq77 HB User
    My story

    I am 40 years old, and was officially diagnosed with recurring major depression disorder/dysthymia 2 days ago.
    When I was younger, maybe 6 or 8, I was told I was the cause of my parents marital problems, even though I have two sisters. I was taken to therapy, but I don't really remember anything. My mother had depression problems. I had bouts of depression, but kept it bottled up. In highschool I had some friends, but right after graduation I found myself coming up with excuses to not hang out with anyone, burying myself in comic books. In my early twenties I talked to my doctor and was prescribed Lexapro. People said that it made me act weird, so I stopped taking it. I never talked to family about my depression.
    I got married when I was 30, and after a year and a half of trying to conceive, I was told I wasn't capable of having kids. I was angry, sad, depressed. We decided to use IUI, and bought several specimens from the same donor. It took 3 times before it worked. There were some complications with the birth,so we were at the hospital for a week. The day we were going home, my older sister had overdosed on medication she had for her cats. She lived in an apartment by herself. We thought she only had 2 or 3 cats. Turns out she was hoarding cats. She had about sixty cats in her one bedroom apartment. She was taken to the hospital, and then admitted into a pscychiatric ward. Animal control was called, a news crew showed up and everything. After the cats were taken away I had to clean out her apartment. Her neighbors were yelling at me about the stench. It took me 2 days to get it cleaned out. There was cat feces everywhere. Everything was covered in urine. I salvaged what I could of her belongings. She was eventually released and moved in with our parents.

    I started wondering what we would tell the kid when he started asking about family history, and how he would view me once he knew I wasn't his biological father. Three and a half years later, we get pregnant with our second child. In January 2013 I started losing feeling in my left leg and foot. It got bad enough I went to a doctor. She said it was just a pinched nerve. I had a pinched nerve before, and I knew that wasn't the problem. On Monday February 11, 2013 I went to the emergency room. My wife figured that was the only way I would truly get help. After several hours of tests, the doctor said I had an abnormality on my spinal cord,and they said it appeared to be tearing the nerves off of my spinal cord. I spent the next four days going through various tests (some were excrutiatingly painful).

    On Friday February 15th they figured it was a tumor (arachnoid cyst) that had grown between 2 sections of my spinal cord, and if it grew much larger it would sever it, causing me to be paralyzed. My wife was nine months pregnant at this point. Right before the surgery, they told her there was a high chance that I wouldn't be able to walk again after the surgery. The surgery was mostly successful. There was a lot of damage, but with lots of therapy I would be able to walk again. I spent a month in the hospital doing physical and occupational therapy. I went from a wheelchair to using a walker. My wife wasn't able to visit me very much, do to taking care of our first child, and being very pregnant. My parents visited, but they mostly sat in the room and watched TV.

    I became very depressed while there and the psychologist prescribed me Wellbutrin. It helped, or seemed to.
    Our second son was born March 11th. The birth was in the same hospital I was already at, so the nurses wheeled me up to the birthing floor. I held my son, being surrounded by three nurses due to the trauma I have been through, they thought I could drop the baby. I was released from the hospital the next day, which was also my birthday. My wife and baby we're in the hospital for a couple of days, so I had people drive me to the hospital to visit them.
    I ended up being off from work for 8 months. I wasn't allowed to drive for 6 months. Once I got back to work I was nearly fired. I had called work while I was in the hospital giving specific instructions regarding my work responsibilities. They were ignored and all hell broke loose. I was flabbergasted; I had a fairly new supervisor, who had only been in this particular department for a few months. I tried explaining that what they said happened would not have happened if they listened to me and following my instructions. I had a horrible review that year, and barely received a bonus. The surgery left me with severe mobility problems. I had to have my office moved down to the first floor, so I was away from everyone else in my department. This made my depression worse. I spent the next year working hard to prove to my boss I was very good at my job. I eventually went from using a walker to using a cane.

    I can hobble around without it, but at the risk of falling due to leg weakness. The doctor said the damage was so severe my leg strength would never be what it was. Over the next four years (to the present day), I have constantly had moderate to severe pain and spasms in my back and leg. This has caused me to miss work and lots of family stuff, which makes my depression worse. About a month ago I started noticing my depression getting worse. I started doing some reading, and I believe that my body had become immune to the Wellbutrin. I set up an appointment with my doctor to discuss this, and she had asked me to meet with the new behavioral psychologist they had. My doctor wants to try a few weeks of an increased dosage of Wellbutrin, and if that doesn't work, we'll try a different medication. I met with the psychologist. She was asking me questions, and I went through my entire life history, and broke down, crying.

    She talked with my doctor and they diagnosed me with recurring major depression disorder/dysthymia. I started doing research about it, and everything makes sense now. I am on day 2 of the max dosage of Wellbutrin, but so far I still feel the same. Over the years since my surgery, I have fallen many times, breaking my ankle and fibula, bruising my ribs, and a couple of months ago I dislocated my shoulder, causing an 85 percent tear of my labrum. That fall was due to getting a shot in my knee in July 2017 that went through a nerve cluster, causing pain so severe it knocked me off my feet several hours after getting the shot. My wife and kids were out of the country visiting family, so I was on my own. My condition wouldn't allow me to take a flight as long as theirs, so I was home alone. I didn't know that I tore my labrum until a few weeks ago. So, I have to have another surgery, which is just before Christmas.

    I apologize if this seems all over the place, I haven't talked or written about any of this before.
    That is my story.

    Last edited by Administrator; 11-02-2017 at 05:22 PM.

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