It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Share Your Depression Story Message Board

I'm crying as I write this.......

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-28-2009, 03:39 AM   #1
Red Hot
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 5
Red Hot HB User
I'm crying as I write this.......

I am married (12 Years) with 2 children.

I think my problems started when my Dad died when I was only 11 (25 years ago). My mum spent all her time at our local chapel dealing with it in her way but I never actually spoke with anyone or dealt with his death properly until I was 20ish.

i spent a lot of years resenting her for this and as such have never had a proper mother/daughter relationship. I still cannot mention my dad around her and whenever she does I always change the subject. My biggest problem is that I have built up barriers and find it very difficult to open up to people and this now means that I cannot make friends but desperatly want to, I just don't know how. Don't get me wrong I know a lot of people and talk regularly I just feel that I don't have any true friends whom I could rely on or talk to about my problems.

I suffered post-natal depression with my 2nd child but there where a lot of other factors contributing to it at the time. My Husband was in the Army and managed to carry on with a full career and enjoy all the sports and training opportunities that brings with it - he didn't seem to appreciate that I gave up my career in the Army and my life was put on hold while our chidren where small. He often went off on jollies while I was left at home with a baby and a toddler.

I was anti-depressants at the time which helped a lot and I also went to see a counsellor. The counselling was not the best so I gave up.

My husband left the Army and we set up a new life in Wales 3 years ago. It was fantastic. It has been only the last 6 months that I am feeling desperate again. I feel that when we are with friends and i try to join in the conversation that I get completely ignored ( these are mainly my husbands friends) and my self esteem just get lower and lower. It has got to a point where I have now told my husband that I don't feel that I can socialise with them anymore as I am going to snap one day and i will regret it. This is just festering in me and I now feel that nobody wants to listen to me and everything I say is worthless and I am worthless. i want to be beautiful and perfect but I wish I could just accept who I am.

I understand where all my problems stem from- My dad dying, being hurt by friends when I was young - I now don't trust people. People think I'm really confident but no-body knows how much I hurt inside and desparetly want to be liked and have a close friend. I get really paranoid and spend nights worrying that I've said the wrong thing to someone. I always look at others and wish I could be just like them.

My husband is not very good at being affactionate and I desperately want to feel loved. We have sex about 3 times a year and it's normally me instigating it. I then get paranoid that he is having an affair - he's says he never would.

My kids are wonderful and so happy. I try not to let them know what I'm really like inside as they are both confident and outgoing.

Don't get me wrong I am no shrinking violet and I've a great life and done lots and have so much but why am i so unhappy with me!!???!!!!!!

I would love some answers!!:

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 06-09-2009, 05:37 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Townsville Qld Aus
Posts: 65
rksn HB User
Re: I'm crying as I write this.......

I wish i had some answers for you, i wish we all had answers it would make life a lot easier!
I feel the same, i feel like im being ignored by people, my thoughts and opinions are never heard or good enough. I look at other people and wish i could be happy and confident like them but im not - i put up a good front because i dont want anyone to know how i really feel.
I dont have any answers to offer you except keep on posting as often as you need to. There's always going to be some one here to listen and offer a shoulder
Rach x

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
What am I Crying For or About? KD86 Depression 5 05-02-2010 04:36 AM
Can't stop crying Pebbles26 Depression 1 08-11-2009 10:12 AM
Burst out crying and feel low--anybody else feel like venting tonite? hopetofeelwell1 Depression 4 09-10-2007 08:49 PM
is crying and depression due to underactive thyriold? vickie45 Thyroid Disorders 25 05-05-2007 07:53 AM
crying ,crying,crying is this depression or what? vickie45 Depression 4 05-03-2007 04:05 AM
Crying Spells!! Please Help Me!! Sherri5186 Depression 11 05-02-2007 08:34 AM
Crying as I write ThisIsJess Eating Disorder Recovery 2 08-02-2006 03:35 PM
anxiety and crying gxpark1234 Anxiety 11 11-18-2005 07:49 AM
Lost it at Dr. Office!! CRYING! d38 Menopause 11 02-08-2005 07:49 AM
I CAN'T STOP CRYING!!! Please Help Me! KH Depression 29 03-05-2004 12:52 PM

« hey | No Future »
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:09 PM.

Site owned and operated by™
© 1998-2018™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!