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im lost

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Old 01-17-2013, 11:47 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
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im lost

hello, im comming here tonight because im starting to fear i am pushing my friends (what left i have) away from me, im 21 yo and i live with mom (trying to get money to move away, because moms house is killing me inside) ive been hospitalized voluntarily. ive been depressed my whole life, but i left it alone because i thought it was just some feelings i was going through, i hid it from everyone, not a soul knew how i felt inside, around 18 or so it really hit me like a truck, my first year of college was one of reclusiveness, bad thoughts, and a very, very bad diet (i was eating near to nothing if anything a day due to my weight and my own thoughts). i am currently in therapy right now but it is not helping, i am on a waitlist for a psychiatrist with a credit card bill + student loans in my face grabbing and wrenching my heart every day, it feels like there is an impending doom and there is no way to stop it.

my therapist tries, but it is uneffective and due to me being the way i am i am in belief that he does not believe a word i say, i believe no one does. i forget things every day, forget who is there and who is not, and i am in a constant state of drowzyness no mater how much sleep, how much coffee, or anything i get, eating is becoming a chore as is everything else. i often think of myself as the boy who cried wolf, as in what if its not like this? or what if it is just my imagination? what am i doing then? who am i? that seems to be the major question, i feel as if i am not the person who i am, i feel detatched as im looking over someone elses shoulder leeching from them. i explained it in the simplest way to myself the other day, i said "i belong in a lost and found box" and as each day goes by i begin to believe that more and more.

Last edited by Administrator; 01-18-2013 at 12:31 AM.

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